Bryant McGillPostsRelationships

You cannot save everyone, but you can save yourself…

Toxic relationships are dangerous to your health; they will literally kill you.

One of the all-time most virally shared articles in Facebook history.

Toxic relationships are dangerous to your health; they will literally kill you. Stress shortens your lifespan. Even a broken heart can kill you. There is an undeniable mind-body connection. Your arguments and hateful talk can land you in the emergency room or in the morgue. You were not meant to live in a fever of anxiety; screaming yourself hoarse in a frenzy of dreadful, panicked fight-or-flight that leaves you exhausted and numb with grief. You were not meant to live like animals tearing one another to shreds. Don’t carve a roadmap of pain into the sweet wrinkles on your face. Don’t lay in the quiet with your heart pounding like a trapped, frightened creature. For your own precious and beautiful life, and for those around you — seek help or get out before it is too late. This is your wake-up call!

Should you help someone who is reaching out and deeply-hurting?

Should you help someone who is reaching out and deeply-hurting? Absolutely. Do what you can to help people but have the wisdom to accept your limits. You can only do so much. You should never have a relationship based on guilt over someone’s poor choices. It is easy to find ourselves in denial about someone’s behavior because we so deeply wish they could escape their pain and suffering. But what we want for others doesn’t work unless they want it for themselves. People must save themselves, and you can only help a person who genuinely wants it and is ready.

Trust your instincts and listen to your inner-voice — it’s trying to protect you.

You have permission to walk away from anything that doesn’t feel right. Trust your instincts and listen to your inner-voice — it’s trying to protect you. Never stop sharing your love with people; that’s why you were put on Earth. But sometimes the way to share your love is to let someone go. Staying in an unhealthy relationship can keep both of you from finding your way and moving to the next level in your life. Sometimes the best way to save someone is to walk away. Real love sometimes means saying goodbye. 

“It takes a lot more courage to let something go than it does to hang on to it, trying to make it better. Letting go doesn’t mean ignoring a situation. Letting go means accepting what is, exactly as it is, without fear, resistance, or a struggle for control.” — Iyanla Vanzant 

Your life is meant for so much more than being a life-long doormat!

Your life is meant for so much more than being a life-long doormat for deadbeats, losers, gossipers, nay-sayers, dream-crushers, energy vampires, users, abusers, ragers and passive-aggressive backstabbers. Some of these people are rabidly-infected with obvious madness. Some have less obvious ways, such as the “helpful” enabler, who sends you off to your destruction with a helping hand and a smile. Some are “doubt-whisperers,” who plant seeds of non-belief in your heart to take root, only so they can then console you in your inevitable moment of defeat. There are also perpetual victims who feed on your constant attention. Call them what you want, you know exactly who I am talking about. One thing always reveals their sometimes hidden identity — after you have been around them, consider how you feel; have you been depleted and drained, or energized and inspired?

“From the backstabbing co-worker to the meddling sister-in-law, you are in charge of how you react to the people and events in your life. You can either give negativity power over your life or you can choose happiness instead.” — Anais Nin

A person at peace can immediately recognize a consciousness in crisis, whereas those in crisis cannot fully understand themselves or others. People often turn away from good advice because they need something another person can never give them — discovery. As much as we would like to help others avoid pain, sometimes we have to let go and allow them to receive their own painful lessons. Suffering is one of life’s great teachers. You cannot save people from themselves. All you can do is stand firmly in your hopes for them, with compassion.

I know you want to be a good person and be helpful to people in need, but…

I know you want to be a good person and be helpful to people in need, but it’s impossible to give to others if your energy has already been used-up. Being a good person has nothing to do with allowing people to destroy you. There are limits. You can best help others from a position of strength, not weakness. So, don’t forget to be good to yourself first. Don’t forget to take care of you! It is never cruel to want to save yourself from being swamped by fools. You cannot save everyone. Some people are going to destroy themselves no matter how much you try to help them. Their lives are full of emptiness, chaos, and dysfunction, and they will bring their misery and pain into your life with full-force if you allow it. Then there are others who have the outward appearance of success and are seemingly not self-destructive in nature. These people do not destroy themselves, but instead survive through the destruction of others — these are the users. Either of these types of people will latch-on to you in a death-spiral and take you down to the depths of hell with them — if you allow it. This is your life, and you have the right and responsibility to make good decisions for yourself. 

The truth is, they cannot help themselves; they are sick, and may need professional help.

Uneasiness and suffering spills out on everyone around the wounded soul who cannot see themselves. What they have not observed, accepted, and healed within themselves infects everyone they meet. Their instability shakes every encounter with uneasiness. Their desperate longing for meaningful contact and peace, is steadily amplified by their unconscious and ill-mannered quarks of petty drama, or neglect. Broken people often demand from others, what they cannot summon from within. Many wounded people who cannot be at peace with themselves, force the people around them to walk on eggshells to create the illusion of calm they demand. The cost of their feigned composure of phony harmony, is your peaceful state of mind. Their state of ease in a room, is only equal to everyone else’s state of unease. They obliviously belly laugh, while others heart palpitate. They smile, while you grit your teeth. They exhale in satisfaction, as your diaphragm flutters with anxiety. They ingratiate themselves into your deepest bonds of dependency, where you are more like a hostage than a friend, because you fear their meltdown should their affection go unrequited. The commotion they create in your life is like a toxic and confusing haze of crossed boundaries, broken trust, and endless disappointments. They are often mostly unaware of the energetic load and burden they place on others. The truth is, they cannot help themselves; they are sick, and need professional help.

Some people’s problems are more than you can bare. Their madness slowly becomes your madness.

Some people’s problems are more than you can bare, and without proper boundaries, in time, these people will wear you down to a frazzle. Your hope and optimism is no match for their bottomless pit. Your pep-talks and quick fixes are no match for the endless self-destruction loop running in their minds. You can give them compassion, but they will settle for nothing less than your destruction. If they don’t get help, you’re the one who will soon need it. Their unresolved traumas will seep in, as your trauma. Their wounds, will become your wounds. Their madness slowly becomes your madness. If you will honestly look in the mirror at the stress on your face, and in your eyes, you will see what they are doing to you. They are remaking you into their likeness; a terrorized person, who is desperate for peace.

“You cannot expect to live a positive life if you hang with negative people.” — Joel Osteen

You must firmly, absolutely and ruthlessly protect your safety and sanity.

You must firmly, absolutely and ruthlessly protect your safety and sanity. Misery loves good company, so if you are surrounded with drama, gossip and fools you may want to consider that you are presently at risk of becoming one of them. The real zombie apocalypse is the pandemic of drama and mediocrity. Troublemakers will infect you with the malady of their madness. And especially, if your positivity immune system is low, any exposure to a person afflicted with negativity can poison your life. 

“Other people’s views and troubles can be contagious. Don’t sabotage yourself by unwittingly adopting negative, unproductive attitudes through your associations with others.” — Epictetus

You have to get these people out of your life once and for all. One of the fastest ways you can profoundly change your life is to rid yourself of toxic people. When you do come in contact with one of these people, run for your life. Get to safety. Meditatively and spiritually decontaminate yourself. Scrub down your brain with a wire-brush and remove their insanity from the corridors of your mind. Inoculate yourself immediately by creating a safe space and aligning yourself with healthy people. If you have to go it alone for a while until you find your healthy tribe and chosen family, that is fine. Being alone is much better than being around negative people out of loneliness or desperation.

“Inoculate yourself from dangerous bozos.” — Guy Kawasaki

Boundaries and risk management are very important parts of living a healthy and positive life.

Boundaries and risk management are very important parts of living a healthy and positive life. Even professional therapists, psychologists, and social workers draw boundaries to limit exposure to their clients. What makes you think you can handle unlimited exposure to toxic people and survive? You can still be a charitable person who helps and cares about people, without helping those very people destroy your life. Learn how to draw a line and learn how to enforce it — let people know what is and what is not accepted by you. Get selfish and take care of you. Cleanliness and order are good Feng Shui, which applies to people even more than it does to the things in your life. You must clear out what you don’t want, to make room for what you do want to arrive. The way to send a clear message that you are ready for better people in your life is to kick the rascals to the curb. The intimate space of your personal life should be reserved for amazing, beautiful, radiant souls — good, wholesome and loving people. Your truest family is your chosen family, people with whom you most identify. Make a clear decision on the type of people you want in your life and if they don’t make the cut, create some distance. It doesn’t matter if it is a close relative, a parent or a childhood friend; no matter the history — when people are toxic, disruptive and dysfunctional with no reasonable signs of recovery, then they need to go. Escaping a toxic relationship can feel like breaking a piece of your heart off; like a wolf chews its leg off to escape a steel trap. Leaving is never easy, but sometimes it’s necessary to save yourself, and others, from dying inside. Love toxic people from a distance. 

Some people are perpetual victims — self-abusing, emotional-drama junkies.

Some people love to relive their pain; they are perpetual victims — self-abusing, emotional-drama junkies. They are always fanning into flames every little spark. Some people are addicted to the trauma of the drama; their raison d’etre is the daily struggle against their own created turmoil. The struggle in life is their stagecraft, where the people around them become unwitting performers in their dramatic scenes. Crisis is their sensation of being alive; spectacle is their excitement and proof of life. In absence of true passion and purpose, some people engage in the dark surrogate of petty commotion and drama. These people do not want to let go and move on, because they need to struggle and destroy, to live. Blame is their getaway vehicle they use to flee the scenes of their emotional crimes. The pain they carry within themselves is flung and strewn on everyone they encounter; contaminating every peaceful moment with spots of uneasiness and discord. They are raging against themselves. They fight outward enemies because they are afraid to confront the enemy within.

They will suck you into their hellish world if you let them.

They are deeply wounded people, who can be very dangerous to your peace of mind, your family, and your life. Like a wounded animal, they will bite your hand of comfort. They will suck you into their hellish world if you let them. They will keep you there forever, for drama after drama, as their emotional support — as their prisoner. It will never end; every molehill made into a mountain of problems — mountains of madness. When you find yourself hanging off the cliff, with someone about to pull you over the edge, you have to cut the rope. Sometimes letting go of someone is the only way to survive.

Now could be the time to walk away; hell, you may even need to run!

Now could be the time to walk away; hell, you may even need to run. Haven’t you been listening to your inner-voice? Be honest, your gut has been screaming but you have been ignoring it. How much more of your life are you going to throw-away for a lie? Accept it. Some people never change. Some people have abusive, negative, controlling tendencies in their blood; they are wired for havoc, bickering and deception. They know of no other way to interface with others except through their created chaos. Chaos is their home-court advantage where they play their mind-games so they can have power over you; it’s a rigged game you can never win. They will wear you ragged and bring you to your knees emotionally and physically. In time they will destroy every wonderful thing you have in your life. You are in danger: your health, your peace of mind, your happiness and maybe even your life. There is more than one way to lose your life; quickly through violence, or fettered-away and wasted around dreadful, toxic people. You must take control of your life and make good decisions for yourself. The insanity must end, for your sake and for theirs.

“End it now! Don’t waste another minute dealing with a toxic, negative, energy-draining person. … Don’t waste valuable time trying to change them. Change yourself and get them out of your life! Don’t say a word; leave all of your belongings if you have to in the middle of the night. Cut off all communication. Don’t take their calls. You have heard all the lies before. They will not change. They don’t choose to change. It is who they have decided to be. Move to another city, if you must, and start all over again. Your life is worth it. You deserve to have peace of mind, a great relationship and an exciting life.” — Les Brown

We are told to love people unconditionally, but sometimes we must get rid of people unconditionally.

We are told to love people unconditionally, but sometimes we must get rid of people unconditionally. Some people just keep slithering and oozing in through the cracks in your resolve; they refuse to respect your boundaries. No more mixed messages. You must learn how to close a door permanently. Cut, cauterize and never give them another thought. Monstrous sociopath-like disengagement is your right. Your life is worth more. Don’t waste another minute. Let them say you are awful. Block, ban, delete and disconnect. Do whatever you must to take care of yourself and don’t you dare ever feel guilty.

“Avoid negative people for they are the greatest destroyers of self confidence and self esteem.” — Zig Ziglar

There is a difference between loyalty and bondage. There is a difference between faithfulness and fearfulness. There is a difference between being devoted and being dominated. The difference is called freedom, it is all the difference in the world. This is your life and you get to choose what is acceptable in your relationships with absolute authority. Don’t give your authority to someone who will abuse your trust. If you have mistakenly entrusted your authority to an abuser; revoke and reclaim your power now. You are the supreme authority in your own life, and you have the final word. 

Respecting others has nothing to do with allowing them to destroy you.

On one hand, you should have deep respect for the intrinsic value of each soul as an equal being of divine creation. Hold each person in your mind with reverence, respect and high regard. On the other hand you have to recognize that some of these beings, while deserving of respect at a fundamental level, are absolute disasters who will bring a calamity of misfortune into your life — if you allow it. Some people are damaged like abused animals; skittish, un-trusting, reactive, unpredictable and dangerous. They have been abused, and they will hurt you, even with the best of intentions. If you have a clear mind and peaceful life, it is very easy to spot one of these injured people. You can still love and admire the intrinsic value and beauty of all people without absorbing their toxicity and insanity. Let eternity weigh the intrinsic value of their souls, while you just get away from them. Respecting others has nothing to do with allowing them to destroy you. 

Sometimes a person needs us to abandon them…

Sometimes a person needs us to abandon them, but we hang-on anyway, which can be devastating for both parties. Helping others can sometimes even be a convenient distraction from addressing our own unresolved issues. When someone you know is so toxic and destructive that they are poisoning your life, you have to create some distance. They need you to walk away as much as you need it. People who are out of control desperately need to observe your healthy boundaries in-action to learn from your example. You best teach others about healthy boundaries by enforcing yours on them. There is a difference between giving-up and strategic disengagement. Know the difference. Learn how to let people go. Stop holding-on to the wrong people. Let them go on their own way; if not for you, then for them.

“Letting go means to come to the realization that some people are a part of your history, but not a part of your destiny.” — Dr. Steve Maraboli

You can help others once you are safe, secure and successful in your own life. Practically every successful person you know of is successful, in part, because they moved the destructive and disruptive people out of their lives. Successful people carefully manage their energy and associations; they are gatekeepers. Who you allow into your life, mind and heart are among the most important decisions you will ever make. Take inventory of the people with whom you spend the most time. Who you spend your time with is who you are, or who you will soon become. Limit your exposure to unhealthy and unsupportive people. Love yourself enough to say no to people who diminish your chances for a beautiful and empowered life.

It is time for the abuse, control, lies and negativity to end.

Sometimes you have to get away from what you know to discover what you don’t know. It is time for the abuse, control, lies and negativity to end. Align yourself with a new tribe of healthy people who are supportive of your highest good and greatest potential. Find the people who are living the positive lifestyle you wish for yourself and who share your values, and create a new family of friends that you can call, “home.” Your new positive and supportive tribe will edify you, strengthen you and empower you to serve others in ways you would have never before imagined. Taking care of yourself is the most powerful way to begin to take care of others. It is not too late for you. It is never too late to begin loving yourself again. It is never too late to have the life you deserve. Healing for everyone begins with self-love — starting right now.

“Pause and remember— You deserve peace! So, don’t feel bad for one moment about walking away from people, jobs, and situations that keep you from having peace of mind.” — Jenni Young McGill

It is heartbreaking, but some people cannot love you the way you deserve to be loved…

Some people cannot love you the way you want to be loved because they are emotionally and spiritually frozen. They recoil from or avoid affection. You will never meet a deep penetrating gaze from their shallow eyes; only a surface glance. They will touch your hand with their hand, but never with their heart. They will serve your body but not your soul. They can only connect with you through utility, but never passion. If you need cupcakes or a jar opened, they are perfect; if you need compassion or wisdom, you are all alone. They are only a person as society made them, not as nature intended them. They live life so perfectly but know nothing of life at all. They did everything they were told to be a good person but are hardly a person at all. They are empty. They are dead inside. They will break your heart if you let them. They are usually very judgmental. They see themselves as nice but are often mean and cold. They feel themselves superior. They think everything they do is exactly the way it is supposed to be done. They are repeaters. They lack original thought. If you challenge their slumber with awakened thoughts, they will panic and flee. They will make you feel crazy because they only believe what the masses believe. They are the embodiment of the masses because they have not become their own individual person. Individuation is an attainment of spiritual maturity — frighteningly seldom attained in today’s world. You cannot change these people. They are trapped inside of themselves; stunted. You will waste your whole life waiting for them to wake-up to the treasure of what you have to offer. 

Letting go means you refuse to be a victim forever.

Letting go is a process of recognition, confrontation, acceptance, and healing. Letting go simply means not suffering any more than absolutely necessary, but just enough to expand and strengthen ourselves. Some suffering is needed to deepen our compassion, to grow, and to learn. Letting go means you have learned enough, and now have compassion for yourself. Letting go means not touching that sore spot until it is infected, and instead letting it heal. Letting go means carrying a permanent scar, but not a permanent wound. Letting go means you may have walked through hell, but came out the other side ready to make your life a heaven. Letting go means you refuse to be a victim forever, by letting one moment define the rest of your life. Letting go means you accept change, and you accept that your pain is not permanent. Letting go means you accept that you cannot take away the past, but you insist that the past cannot take away your future. Letting go means you are ready to move forward and live! Letting go means you are ready to move forward and live. Letting go means you are no longer afraid. It was always fear that held you prisoner; letting go means you are finally free. Now may be the time to finally listen to your heart, and do what you have known you must do, and let them go. 

“Pause and remember— Sometimes, what seems like a very negative or challenging event is what puts us in alignment with our greater purpose.” — Jenni Young McGill

If it is time to let someone go, for their sake, or for yours, then this may be your confirmation.

No one wants to give-up on someone they love, but sometimes we are forced to make hard decisions by extraordinary suffering. It’s easy to judge, or say, “never-give-up,” until you have been there. Eventually, you begin to realize that life is too short and your powers to teach, influence or heal are limited. You finally accept that their emptiness, pain, and dysfunction requires more than you have to give. You can’t hand your whole life and soul over to someone who doesn’t even care about their own. You can only hold-the-line for someone hell-bent on self-destruction for so long, but when you start getting rope burns on your hands, you have to let go. You also must be careful fighting someone else’s demons — it may awaken your own! Some of the people we adore most — like the moth to the flame — are going to destroy themselves. Their attraction to their inevitable undoing is heartbreaking to watch, and something you will never understand. As much as you love someone, you can’t make their decisions or live their life for them. They must make the hard decisions all on their own. It hurts to watch. It is awful. Letting go is an excruciating heartbreak; mourning the death of what once was. If you did let someone go, and you still have guilt because of it, it’s time to forgive yourself and begin to heal. If it is time to let someone go, for their sake, or for yours, then this may be your confirmation.



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Bryant McGill

Bryant McGill is a human potential thought leader, international bestselling author, activist, and social entrepreneur.

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  1. Excellent article Bryant. I have been doing this for years saving myself. My life has taught me many lessons. This article is one lesson, which I really have appreciated. I went from being a doormat at a very young age to being what I have become today.
    Someone who has gradually left that life behind. It was a process that wasn’t easy but I have accomplished it. I continue to work on this when I feel it is necessary.

  2. You cannot save everyone, but you can save yourself…True, however.
    Are you suppose to save anyone anyone anyway?


    We travel within where our greatest power resides.

    If we can let go of the many distractions on the outside (Groups & Group Energies for example) that often offer no real solutions, we can hear our inner voice and find the solutions we seek.

    Don’t become impatient – Wait!
    Your time is coming
    And when it does it will push you to the front
    The principles and integrity you want
    will come through YOU!

    Expect more and more change. It’s coming not according to human linear time but it’s coming!
    Be patient. You deserve it!

  3. It took me more than 40 years to realize that I cannot love another without having deep self-love and self-appreciation first. Sometimes it means to take distance from people who dwell in darkness and negativity.
    Thank you so much Bryant <3
    You are such a big part of my blossoming. Love you so much for that and am eternally grateful for your gift <3
    Sharing this on my page <3

  4. This article is spot-on. I’ve lived through all these hellish situations holding onto a job (a job I was passionate at). I decided to save myself from toxic people and their toxic behaviour, which affected my health. I nearly had a stroke, had fear and anxiety and heart problems. I needed Peace and Peace of mind in my life.

    1. In reality, there is nothing to let go of. We are not separated from anything nor anyone. Never have been and will never be not even when we depart from these great shores we label as bodily existence.
      I understand and agree but its great to be awake isn’t it.

  5. This is the most important article on letting go of unhealthy situations and toxic people to bring yourself free of all the abuse you had to deal with and how letting go of it, them is your survival ticket/journey to live and living out the life you were created to have!! The abuse I’ve endured at the hands of others or myself is broken. I finally get it and the flow of living, breathing air is overwhelming! I’ve needed this for 60 plus years. Maybe I just want ready to accept this but I do now! The systematic way this info was put together was the way I needed to take it in to let go and emotionally free myself from unhealthy toxic relationships, people, and guilt their lives weren’t what they wanted. Thank you all from my heart!

  6. this article very much important in the present world .sometimes it seems there is no way to get away from people having negativity. but the inner voice always give directions in the right direction ,but unfortunately most of us fail to understand it .it requires some practice and living within us silently it is not possible for us to solve the problems of other . there is no harm in extending a hand up to certain limit .after that let us avoid such people and circumstances
    this article will guide people having the problems connected with negativity.and people of that type.

  7. I have lived thru a hellish nightmare such as this. I watched my husband literally die from his own mindset and damn near took me with him. I am just grateful to be here. It’s been 10 months since I found his lifeless body. When I asked God for help that was not what I was expecting. I pretty much spend all my time in silence, just listening and healing from all the words and processing all that has transpired. I am just now starting to get a little energy back and come outta the fog. I truly believe my strong faith and commitment to self-development has been my saving grace. Amazing how much I now love and respect myself enough to let how I feel mean more to me than life itself. I choose LOVE, JOY and HAPPINESS! ALWAYS!! Perhaps that was what that journey was all about… Awesome article and spot on!!

  8. This article is SO VERY TRUE! If anyone reading this is in any of these kinds of toxic relationships, please, GET OUT AS SOON AS YOU CAN! Learn from all these testimonies! Things will keep getting worse until you really are physically or mentally sick, or worse, from all the abuse. The longer you wait, the harder things will get, and the harder it will be to leave. Don’t wait for a complete breakdown, or worse to happen. If you are showing any symptoms at all because of the stress, negativity, lies, manipulations, dramas, etc…..that is your proof that you need to get away from it!

    1. The reason we all say leave, is because we have learned the hard way from years of trying that you cannot help or change these toxic people. You must take care of yoursel! Get to a safe place, read all you can about abuse, and what it is. Start building yourself a beautiful life. Get therapy if you need it. Don’t waste your time or energy blaming anyone, don’t waste your time it energy being a victim, don’t waste your time or energy retelling your story over and over to anyone who will listen. Instead, read what healthy relationships are. Do fun activities that you enjoy. Make your living area beautiful. Learn something new. Learn how to take care of you. Learn healthy boundaries. Learn your strengths. Find a hobby. Find friends who are are good for you and you enjoy being around. Life really is good when you make these changes.

    2. My name is Sue Smith, also. I have just moved out of state to escape the exact person that this article talks about..

      1. Congrats sue!
        Your strong, brave, wise to get away from the toxic person & situations. Keep going & let go of all behind. It will be like you loss 100 lbs. Im hlad you found the courage to move on. Find your freedom, find your true self, find your compassion! GOD & ANGELS with you. Wish you reach your success & destination.
        Caring & loving friend through B & J, Tina Ngo

  9. So needed this! I have tried so hard all my life for my Mom to stop being judgemental & negative, but like the article she seems to feed off of it. She has hurt me so many times & worst now since my Dad has been gone over 8 years. And now she is hurting my daughters in the process! That was the last straw! She is a very religious person but I can’t sit in Church knowing that this is a hypocrite! So sad!! I have so many years written letters, having conversation with her & nothing has changed. I love my Mom with all my heart & am thankful for everything she has done for me & my family, but the toxic is getting worst! So now I have taken a step back & start taking care of myself! So I can breathe easier & be a strong person again! Thank you for this message!

  10. Thank you so much for sharing this article, it is just what I need and has truly helped me. This is the breakthrough I have been praying for, for years. I have been through a lifetime of hell, abuse, neglect , fears and doubts, worries and frustrations. I have grieved, lost family, lost children and my health has went downhill but through the power of God, he is restoring . This is not a easy journey, in fact it’s complete opposite. Thanks and God bless

  11. It is indeed a great article and I am not regretting what I have decided this past few days, to be free from abused people, to love myself and to have peace of mind. Finally, loving and thinking unconditional love to myself is the best happiness I have encountered this first quarter of this year. Thinking positive all through the year😊😊😊. Thank you so much and God bless us all.

  12. I prayed to god to give me a sign. He must have given me hundreds over the past 6 years, I just didn’t see them. Recently I asked him to show me even if I didn’t want to see. Then I read this article.
    Thank you for being a messenger for me and others. I feel that everything will be ok! The first step is in fact the hardest – but once you take it is like a weight is lifted from your body!

  13. I have been in this relationship for 15 years ..Never once has he asked for my hand in marriage ,he is a great guy in everyway except emotionally. He shows me no passion no love. He is mean with his words and hurts my lived once with his words.. I’ve been putting up with it for along time .Thinking u can change him if I just keep showing him I love him,, it only just started to change this year as I have been trying to focus on me.. I love him with all my being but it don’t seem like enough …I don’t want to destroy him I believe he has love in his heart but he just don’t know how to show it … His childhood was bad.. what can I do ?? I feel I am no longer in love with him..

  14. I really wonder why I was unlucky when it comes to love relationship with special someone. I’m not rich. I’m the only one raising the needs of my sons. I’m the only one sending my sons to school to pursue their chosen course in college. I’m lucky to have them in my life and i’m lucky because I have enough courage to face all the trials and problems coming in my life. But love and heart matters, I encountered money suckers the scammers. But thanks GOD, HE taught me how to handle this problem rightfully and I have the right mind to overcome this kind of problem. GOD bless us all.

  15. i think that every one should take care of him self before thinking about others because happiness start with you when you worth your self and do kindness acts towards your self because i find that negative people and toxic ones don”t deserve to waste time with. They affected you with their negativity and steal your positive energy so, it’s better to deny them and save your own life. thank you bryan for this amazing article.

  16. Fabulous read, unfortunately I was in this situation for many many years… And believe me it does take its toll on you… I am getting better now I have been at deaths door a few times and all because I wouldn’t STOP… Sit down listen to my mind body and soul…. I just carried on till I just couldn’t get back up … It’s taken me over 9. Years to realise and I am not back on my feet yet … The very first sign of weakness and tired… Is a sign to stop .. Not drag yourself around picking other people up… Who don’t appreciate, won’t help themselves… And most importantly hurt and disrespect you… You are number one … Take care of yourselves…

  17. I loved EVERY.SINGLE.WORD of this! EVERY word is true! I remember being “there” and finding your words in sync with my situation. I remember feeling completely drained and just waiting for death to take me because I was mentally and physically WIPED OUT no matter how much I WAS taking care of myself! I recently made and shared a poster about this… “Life does not suck… It’s the people you surround yourself with that suck the LIFE out of you!” I swear that before I realized this, I ALWAYS thought I was the problem by not loving hard enough on people (and I love HARD!). Every single day was a new drama and more added stress, with me looking like the crazy one as they would sit back and laugh. It got so tiring chasing people who would never be happy. I was physically and mentally in pain and tests showed nothing, leaving doctors baffled until one doc asked if I was stressed and what was I stressed about. THAT’S when my eyes, mind and heart FINALLY saw it! I was not the problem… but I WAS a part of it. That saying that you continue what you allow… was me being part of the problem and it was taking a bad toll on ME! Those people were happy and healthy and I even remember saying out loud, “I’m going to die young and they’ll live into the hundreds.” My GOD! That is so sad to think about as I write. But that was the moment I made pure intentions to stand up for myself and begged God to have my back. Almost EVERY DAY I would pray for strength to stand up against evil…. EVERY.SINGLE.DAY! And let me tell you this, by the time the perfect time came, BOY was I standing firm as the storm took place! And nothing has been the same ever since (except for those people stuck in their same old ways!)… I am working on becoming a better me every single day. I have realized that if we lack self worth, we also lack self love and respect and we let people treat us as miserable as we feel. We are the only ones who can change our situations. It’s so true that you attract what you vibe and when I started on this journey of self worth and self improvement, I found my tribe at and life has become and continues to get only better. It is no less than truth for me that BeRoyal is a piece of heaven on earth and I’m one of the dwellers. I could go on and on and on. I can’t stress hard enough on how self love is important. I preach it EVERY DAY and to ANYONE and EVERYONE who will listen (or not!). I’ll just end with… Love yourself… Put up them boundaries no matter what people think… Be true to you… Keep on bettering you.
    P.S. I have NEVER felt as alive as I do now… after I distanced myself from toxic people and found my people. EXTREMELY BLESSED and GRATEFUL.🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻

    1. Thank you so much for sharing. Truly. I needed to hear again that I am worthy of the work I am doing. Because it’s tough.

  18. This artical is so true , but what if it is a family member
    A daughter or a sister 🙁 . That is the situation I’m in 💔

    1. Same applies. You MUST apply boundaries. It WILL take a terrible toll on you if you don’t. Negativity is what some people fuel themselves with. You don’t have to.

    2. Agree. Boundaries are obviously needed, but you cannot run away from a child, no matter how old they are. I am assuming that this article is more for romantic relationships.

  19. This is so true Bryant. In my experiences, I have coped to their needs based on their own trauma, insted of fight and flight fear, I have accually in my work with both children with Ani social problems, and grown people with cluster tendencis, had a strategy to work hard with pro-socialdevelopment and socialoriented leadership, even if i was not the boss at work. I created a leadership based on my own knowledge, my own history of a narcisssistic family, and my adultperspective to work with values and integrity and teach others of their own development to have a solid selfasteem. To cope with difficult people, we have to stop projecting with our emotions, and insted have our boundaries and adultperspective, and be calm with low affective behavior. To be objective and grounded in reality, because most of clusters are beond the reality over social ruels and responsibility. They often live in their mind in illusions, so if we are in the reality over our social interaction based on mentalizing empathy, sequrity and opend communication, conflictmanagement based on targeting the situation, insted of targeting people, we create structure based on common responsibility and separate the person and the cause. The passive/aggressive behavior can we create to Map their own emotions and needs, which make them communicate better in a balanced way, and then we work with communication insted of fear, anxiety or fight and flight mode. My father is a codependent person who are very selfdestructive and dysfunctional. But insted of fleeeing his behavior, we exercise new experiences with eachother in a cognitive way of both express our own emotions and needs, logical reson and also with references of knowledge and understanding. We also work to better understand ourselves and cope with empathy, where i learn in one objective way for him to mentalize empathy, and also give him the knowledge over his own behavior. Even if he is still brainwashed by my destructive mother, and scapegoat me, Iam not emotional wounded because of my knowledge and understanding. I never project his shortcomes or limitations or destructive low selfasteem. I try to create sequrity and firm and calm realistic reality over his illusional outcomes, that today for me without trauma, can relate to it, that it is just nonsense and not confirmed in reality. He begin to be inspired even if he is still in his own outcomes, because the reality and sequrity is not for me, it is for him and his own sequrity after years of his own trauma and condependent relationship and his own childhood over my abusive granfather, who was the same as my mother. With love and support! Lina Sjöberg Healthpedagogy in Healthscience and Rehabilitationscience.

  20. Indeed, if something wrong happens to our lifes we have to see it straight into our eyes and cope with it. Sometimes, things are getting more complicated! When one has been married with one person for more than 20 years things are hell more difficult. You always put yourself on hold. Thinking that things will change!! But they won’t. Then you have to take some serious steps, you have to disengage yourself from an abusive relationship mentally and emotionally!! You have to move on!! How? your inner voice screams. By taking one step at a time is the answer because if you don’t then you will be dragged into a hellish world. Sometimes you get paralysed by your fear of being alone!! But one has to overcome this fear and face it. One may have to start from the scratch but that’s fine. One will find the courage and the strength to move on. No matter how things are you have to believe that you cannot save everyone but yourself. Thank you Bryant for this beautiful article and the opportunity you gave me to share my thoughts.

  21. Brilliant! This article is such a spot on! It is so true! Evert single word is true. We need to understand this and even when we do it will be hard to let go. But when we finally let go, we will feel free! Thank you, Bryant!

  22. This article is spot on, giving a very true picture of what kind or groups of people to walk, make that sprint from, and leave behind. Even family. My parent was emotionally abusive, with cutting words and transplanting “their” guilt onto me, making me responsible as a young child for their happiness. They created a subservient mindset in me as child & teenager, which led me to make errors of judgement which i own for myself.

    I married, thats right, someone needing to be kept “happy”. I had beautiful children but left with my kids, a bike and a budgie, to start a new life.

    The trauma of childhood and a difficult marriage caught up with me and i had a major breakdown and ill health. My doctor often said i was trying to be two parents and your heading for a breakdown, and i’d answer, i’m to busy now, i’ll have it later. Well i did once my kids were self surficient .. clinical depression, panic attacks, anxiety, blanking out.. and my immune system got up and left. I in following years have found my feet to be myself. Of course i give credit to professional support which was wonderful. I also renewed my faith in God which was not a crutch as some would suppose, but added to my renewal of spirit.
    Run, sprint, leave.

    I left a large four bed home overlooking the ocean but i had peace and so did my children. Run.

  23. Wow. This is so good. Wild! Just posted a video on introducing a friend and we are talking about this. She has a life threatening illness and is choosing who stays and who goes. Energetic choices are cumulative and can add or subtract your healthy happy years. You are right. It is 100% real. Thank you! Sharing!

  24. Thanks to you amazing healers, I just experienced a déjà vu moment!!! There was,and still is great abuse and torture in this world!! I have been bullied numerous times in my life and also been rejected in the most inhuman ways. I cried many times, wanted to commit suicide, but a very forceful energy from above, kept insisting that all God’s creations are worthy and beautiful, because after all we are all created in his image!!! We are all his children and he loves us all equally!!! I realized that if I reversed all that hurt into positivity, I would definitely become an Olympic Champion of control. I reversed my energy, by saying that every negative experience has built my shield more stronger. When I found my worth being, everything changed, great things were happening out of nowhere. They say silence is a virtue and whenever I am confronted with a negative situation I use silence and walk away most times. I will have to admit that other times I loose my control and give them satisfaction. Working on my shield every day, gives me great hope that one day it will be unbreakable!!! Thank you so much for making me release my pain, because now I feel like I am in Seventh Heaven!!!!

  25. I have spent most of my life trying to make others happy . In reading the Bible I found the story of the 10 Virgins . In this I learned that I have to take care of myself first and when I can help others, the there is the story of the gl.of milk .. this if have found to be my answer on when and how to help . I also don’t look to blame others of my faults. I don’t like drama so when someone trys to being drama in my life and it dose not stop I block them . As we all have dreams as to how we would like our lives to be ,I will do what I can to follow my heart and make this happen. I have don’t know what being happy in life feels like , but I am on my journey to finding this . I have trusted people in so many ways and I have been hurt each time , but o allowed this . I don’t any longer . It’s hard to say no , but after some time I have learned when it’s ok to help and when I can’t. If ever in doubt I take it to God on prayer ..

  26. What I read is so very very blatantly true. I’ve freed myself from negativity, toxic people. Yes it hurt me inside tremendously. But nothing like the detriment if I didn’t walk away. I did literally walk away from two persons. One of which chooses the life of addictions. Heroine and meth mixed. Not caring about anyone or anything except for the next fix or hit. Audios see ya. Not my way. Not my life, not my bullshit. I left 2 Recovery books behind with kindness in my heart.

    I’m a recovering alcoholic/addict. This month I’ll celebrate 12 years of sobriety. To me it matters. In order to have beautifulness and positivity inside. I had to be willing to look at ALL of me. That’s a must to rid the negativity that holds me back. The hurt, Resentments, jealousy, sexuality, etcetera. I have to amend all that I can. Without harm or ill intent to anyone ever. (Them or others. Others means me.) Y’all have heard the phrase. “Is the cup half full? Or is the cup half empty?”
    It’s neither. It’s being grateful that you have a cup. Because there are those that don’t. It’s taking a lot of hard work, tears, and joy to learn it’s worth it to be okay, to share and BE HAPPY. Thank you.

  27. I learned the term “trauma bond” from my therapist. I have lived the life of going back to the same toxic person, sometimes under the guise of rescue for her and my children. I became addicted to the cat and mouse game. I bounced back and forth from heel to hero. I found out that there is no in between. I was the best or the worst. I have separated myself from the toxicity once again and this article hits my situation right on the head. I need to save myself. Thank you

  28. It’s almost as if you have been in my head for sometime now. Reading my mind as if I told you everything that has happened to me the last 45 years of marriage. How is this possible? I just have to say thank you for caring and some how knowing I have been in this nightmare for so long. I haven’t left yet but soon. Thank you for saving what life I have left. Maybe I can be happy.

  29. This article hit home to my heart and I can definitely relate to having people suck the life outta me with all their negative criticism and lack of encouragement thru the years but just last week I made the decision to put a stop to these blood sucking vampires and move forward with my life by believing in myself. I remember an old Nike commercial that said ” Just Do It ! So that’s what I’m doing without anymore self doubt or lack of confidence in myself and most importantly I’m trusting God with childlike faith cause faith moves mountains when you believe. I wanna encourage those of you who have had people suck the life outta you in the past as well as the present to put a stop to it now before it drains you emotionally which leads to stress which if left unchecked will kill you eventually. Start believing in God and what He wants to do in your life and believe in yourself also. If you can look up then you can get up. Be like the Nike commercial : Just Do It ! Set some goals for your life and make up your mind you’re gonna accomplish them come what may ! Remember : You’re not a loser if you don’t give up and quit and remember that ” Failure is not an option “

    1. Great article and very profound words love Les Brown hes the man !

      I always think do people sap my energy or Zap it ?! I love meeting people who are Zappers they are natural healers , sappers are cancers that can make us ill

      Thoroughly enjoyed this article best i have read in a long Time ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

      1. Oops excuse my spelling ! Its early cant find my glasses at 6am lol
        Thoroughly Enjoyed this article 👍

  30. I find this whole article to Be so close to home. The very words printed are what I talk to my Therapist about write in my journal about and say out loud to myself. I started getting physically sick about 4 years ago with panic attacks, isolation, to a pulmonary embolism and DVT to absolute depression and a mood disorder by staying with a man who was abandoned by his birth mother and treated badly by his foster mother and cheated on by every women he’d ever been with. A cunning man who helps ALOT of people ,self employed and comfortable with great traits untill the power and control started . Management of money , lack of giving money, lack of food , lack of help after hospitalization’s , lack of acknowledgement after helping to save his b uisness after putting my life on the line , no empathy, no fulfillment eventually no touching , no expression and NEVER communication. I’m now in trouble with the law and have all kinds of health problems. With no way out. If you have a chance to call home or call a friend or can up & leave PLEASE GO NOW!! Or you will end up in the deepest darkest hole you’ve ever known!! Before you leave friends and important relationships behind , before you can’t get back to work to support yourself , BEFORE YOU GET TOOO SUCKED IN…
    GO & GO NOW!!!!

  31. This article is what I needed to understand what has been going on. I always supported my family, took care of my Mom and Grandma with not much help from them. They would always leave me out, take my Dad away to manipulate him, drinking with him, and act like I was crazy if I said anything. They stole money, my moms beautiful things and acted like it was my Dads decision, he wanted them to have it. When Dad was ill they tried to get me removed from being the executor. I know know it is all control. As much as I have loved them, I realize that they are master manipulators and only make you think they care for you. Behind your back they have called me crazy, mentally ill, etc. I finally have had enough and choose not to allow them in my life anymore, but sadly they influence my own daughter. Sad situation, but I must keep them out of my life.

  32. Such an excellent topic, in the point and at the right moment. Most of the time, It’s so painful to let it go, and so difficult to identify all those negative individuals. But it’s not impossible, because once we identify how negatively such individuals are affecting our life, body and spirit. The healing process will start to improve our health, spirit and mind by bringing into our personal life the right people and the best moments to keep ourselves growing and grounded! ✨

  33. Thank you very much Jenni and. Bryant. I know that I have been drain out.But when I read this article. I learn to take care of myself. I have been with so walking with negative spirited people. Sometimes we need to let go from some people. And i need to to do just that. Thanks Jenni &Bryant ❤Always.

  34. Sadly, I am all too familiar with how the stress of toxic relationships can harm your health in every way. I have struggled with family toxicity from the time I can remember. I allowed it for so long praying that each effort and promise would be a new change and move toward having the family I prayed for. However, with a recent experience, I have now seen what God has been trying to show me for a long time. And that is I cannot produce the change them and I have seen over and over again they feel entitled and never wrong and continue the same behaviors. I love them and always will, however, it is more important than ever that I take care of me and stop putting my hopes in their changing and treating me with respect and love. It is so difficult when it is people you love deeply, but love should not keep hurting over and over again and if they loved you they wouldn’t want to hurt you. I think in my case and what I see is that they hate themselves for not living up to their potential and I became their punching bag and they resented me for despite the challenges in my life my faith in God and hard work I kept growing as a person toward allowing God to move me toward being the woman he created me to be. For this to continue I must unplug from the damage I have allowed toxic people to do in my life for way too long. Unplug now and know that people who truly love themselves and their lives will not reach out to destroy you and yours.

  35. As I am going through a breakup with a narcissist…it’s painful watching him pack up to go even though it’s my choice. This article came when I needed it most. In his eyes he’s never wrong, it’s always me, every little thing turns into a huge fight, I can’t even try to have Any discussion as he talks over me, or responds with an entirely different topic! Although, I love him for his sweet side, I’m tired of this cycle repeating. I deserve happiness and I so want it! With some time and devotion to myself and my faith, I’ll be fine!

  36. I often wonder at the lessons I have learned after walking away from toxic people- I feel blessed by the strength I have had to utilize in order to grow- yet further on down the road . .. I was able to help others..

  37. I’m glad over come across this article. It’s so straight forward and all so true. Unfortunately trying to walk away from the negative had been hard for me. I even tried against my life 3 times, yet God still has me here and with the person who’s been toxic to my life, my father. So many years of pain, sorrow, nowhere to go and having to witness it all, I became I’ll. Now leaving with health issues, it’s not easy to work nor maintain an active life. But with God all things are possible. I give Him all three glory because without Him, I won’t be here tonight. I’ve learned to let go and let God. To pray for patience and how to deal with my negative surroundings. Nothing nor anyone is perfect but how I deal with it, my mannerisms, my actions, it’s how others see me. Not saying that I won’t defend myself but leaving it all in the hands of Almighty God, it’s the best remedy there is. Dealing with toxic people is Not easy but how we deal with the situation will make us stronger or defeat us.

  38. I need advice for my son Matthew, he refuses to look for work all he wants to do is sit on the computer and play games

  39. This was just my answer I moved back home to help my daughter and my grandchildren . But I just can’t do it anymore she is too stressful to me she is ungrateful selfish. I have another daughter and we both work we are planning the great escape to get a home together away from my other daughter before we go nuts. Thank you so my my prayers have been answered. I love you guys .

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