The Surprising Secret of Getting Love from Another

No matter how hard you try, and especially when you try, you cannot force love, friendship, or caring from another person.

As a self-loving person, you will recognize that you cannot, ever, make someone else love you, be good to you, be your friend, or be there for you.

No matter how hard you try, and especially when you try, you cannot force love, friendship, or caring from another person.

Have you ever felt someone else wanted you to love him or her? No matter what that person did or how hard he or she tried, did it work? No. It did not.

As we all know, chemistry between two people cannot be created or destroyed. Physical chemistry is either there or it is not. But the physical relationship between two people is not the same as love.

What is this perplexing phenomenon that has plagued man and woman through the centuries? What is love? Where does it come from? It comes from being yourself. Loving yourself. Finding honor, respect, and joy in, of, and because of yourself. Love comes when you awaken your interests, passions, and joys; when you use your talents and abilities to achieve your goals; when you thrive in areas you have not yet dreamed of; when you dare to dream even more.

Love is to be your own best friend.

To need you. To depend on you, to honor, respect, adore, obey, cherish, and love you.

That is the key!

The key is you, not the other.

If the other also loved him- or herself, there would be no insincerity, lying, manipulation, fear, jealousy, degradation, abuse, cheating, or fighting. There would be differences of opinion and differences in preference or perspective, but not war between the other and you.

There would be a sweet, magnetic chemistry. Then there would be friendship.

In this friendship between two people who love, respect, and understand themselves there would be honesty with each other. People would not hold back their real feelings because to do so would be to lie to themselves as well as to the other.

People would not stop a meaningful activity simply because someone called them for a date. The date would be set for another time. People would not be upset or jump to melodramatic, illogical conclusions just because they have not heard from a special someone for a few days. They would hope all is fine with the other person and would trust that they will be in touch when the time is right.

People would not feel they have to be with each other simply because the calendar says it’s Friday or Saturday. There would, however, be regard for each other’s feelings, and both would assume that if they would like to get together, then it would be more appropriate to make tentative plans than no plans at all.

In our society, it is no secret, no surprise at all, that when two people start to date, all kinds of expectations arise; all kinds of games are brought into play. No wonder there are so many people home alone at night. Who needs the games; who wants the insincerity? Nobody!

The key word here is “want.”

You have to want nothing. You have to be everything, for you.

When you have grown and evolved enough to be your own dearest and best friend, and when you have grown and evolved enough to encourage another to do whatever he or she needs to do for happiness or fulfillment, that is when you can be sure the special person in your life will be the mirror image of you.

That person will play with you and challenge you to be your very best. That person will honor himself and understand his own perspective, feelings, beliefs, attitudes, principles, preferences, and desires. And that person will naturally love, honor, and understand you.

When you let go of all of the wanting, the longing, the desperation, the agonizing, and the fear, you find something wonderful and magical happens: you have it. You have love. 

Stop trying; start being.

Stop doing everything to get that other person. Start being everything you want to be for you, and you will find that person will one day open his eyes and see that you are the one he’s been searching for all along.

This is what it means to let go, to move on. You don’t throw your love out the window; to the contrary, you throw out your focus on loving the other. And you fill that void with love of self.

When you see yourself as the source of your own pleasure, you do not need it to come from another.

As this need vanishes, you become even more desirable than you would be if you were at another person’s beck and call.

For how can people desire that which they have, and how can they strive to attain the level of intimacy they deserve if it is given to them so freely, so easily, without having been earned?

When you work toward a mutual, beneficial relationship, you both bring and contribute your gift of self to the union. Whether it is for a day, a year, a decade, or a lifetime, each person contributes the very essence of himself or herself.

You each already know exactly where you stand, what behaviors you will accept, and which ones you will not put up with.


Barbara Sherry Rose-Vain, PhD.

Barbara Sherry Rose-Vain, PhD is the bestselling author of twenty-eight books, a world renowned Higher Consciousness Awakening Life Transformation Specialist and spiritual teacher.

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Thank you Barbara for taking tine to write this article xxx

Rehan Anwar



I LOVE THis read, actually its awesome. BUT i would love for you to write about being IN LOVE as opposed to simply loving someone. And if ive never learned anything in this last 25 years of my life is that one CANNOT make someone fall in love with them. IF YOU are kind to them maybe even the best of sex, Ones l can not force a person to be in love with them. YOU MAY BE drop dead gorgeous and still wont win the person’s heart.

Vasudevan Bhattathir

This article is very good in the prospective of physical life this love has to develop into spiritual realm Swami Vivekananda has said about it in the Complete works of Swami Vivekananda
“To love because it is nature of love to love is undeniably the highest and the most unselfish manifestation of love that may be seen in the world Such love, working itself out on the plane of spirituality, necessarily leads to the attainment of Para Bhakthi{“Spiritual attainment by means of love}
“The love has three pointers or as He put angles ”
!] Ask not anything return for your love your position be always that of the giver
The second angle is Love knows no fear .
3] Love knows no rival”
all type of love manifest has to develop to the above state
This article is good for those who are worldly minded persons .
Thank you.


Morning….thanking you so much for all your words of wisdom, encouragement and upliftment….God blessed you richly….and I am a loyal supporter…

Lalie Nieto
Lalie Nieto

Sharing💕 Thank You Bryant and Jenni

Julia Kinandu

Wonderful article there, Barbara. You can’t chase love. I have gone through difficult situations on love and the one thing I now know is I MUST LOVE ME.
Thanks to Bryant too for your valuable insights.

Cheryl Mcrae
Cheryl Mcrae

I’m replying 2x after rereading the article. I never realized until recently in my life several people LOVED me but was not IN LOVE with me. And one may be able to do great things to and for someone and that person grow to love them. But if an individual is not IN LOVE with you there is NOTHING that can be done about it. I’m simply saying you can’t make someone be IN LOVE with you. Even if you are gorgeous , give them great sex, load them down with money and gifts. If they are not In Love they are not in love . They may love you and really like you and think that you are a sweet and kind person but they are simply NOT IN LOVE with you. Then on the other hand it’s as if our hearts will sneak and open itself without us consciously knowing it. And one encounter with a person in the right place at the right time will set them up to slip in that unaware open crack of that heart. It’s unexplainable and super natural to say the least.


I agree with this awesome article , true love is spontaneous feelings no need to try or force someone to love you, its either comes suddenly without expectations or not comes , some people with high ego could love someone from one part and the more he or she rejects the more he insists,they don’t know the true meaning of love , also i think that every lonely person who needs love he or she should love himself first be patient and optimistic till find it ,otherwise it is better to be alone than cheating yourself with not true love .


that is so true i agree with everything i think if two people love each other to build to the point of earning intimacy i believe you need to love yourself to give sure depth back which is my option i think then its easier to build i needed to hear your article thank you for sharing really does help x