The Power of Letting Go

I resolved to never give up.

I used to think I was proving how strong I was, how unselfish I was, and how worthy of love I was by refusing to give up on the ones who were incapable of giving me the love I was longing for.

I was so programmed to believe that love would conquer all that I couldn’t see that there was nothing loving in the way I was allowing myself to be treated, all in the name of love.

I was blind to anything else except that this is what real love must be.

After all, I had always heard that anything worth having was worth fighting for. That to get to the good part, you had to go through the bad.

So I assumed that it was through giving so much of my own heart and soul that I would eventually be rewarded with the love I was searching for. That in unselfishly giving of all the love I had in my heart, I would receive the same kind of love back in return.

I resolved to never give up.

Little did I know at the time that this was a fantasy, not reality.

Little by little, unbeknownst to me, I was chipping away at whatever self-esteem I had left.

All in the name of love.

All because I thought I had to prove something – that this was a test – to prove that I was loveable.

I can’t even tell you how much I missed the mark. The harder I tried, the more I did in the name of love, the lonelier and the sadder I felt. 

There had to be something wrong with me, was my only conclusion.

Wasn’t this what my mom had done, and her mom, and her mother before her? Wasn’t this what all the women down through the generations before me had done?

Give, give and give some more. So unselfishly of themselves until they didn’t even recognize who they were.

Yes, this was the legacy I carried within me. We give and we give and we give some more. Until it hurts, and even then we excuse the pain away, we excuse their reasons away, and we keep on giving some more.

I had repeated this pattern so perfectly; I couldn’t understand why it wasn’t working for me like it had for them.

They had found love. They had men who loved them, who committed to them, who stayed with them through thick and thin. Why wasn’t the same true for me?

I became more determined to be more of what I thought the particular “he” who had become my project, wanted me to be. I became more of the perfect girlfriend, the perfect lover, the perfect potential wife – the role I was auditioning for, until one day it all came crumbling down around me.

I couldn’t live like this any longer.

I could pretend no more. This meeting everyone else’s needs at the expense of my own. This pretending I was fine, that I didn’t have my own needs, that I was here only to serve everyone else.

I found myself physically sick, unable to pretend I was OK anymore. Even if I hadn’t had enough, my body had.

Something had to change.

The pretending. The trying. The striving. The chasing. But most of all, the refusing to let go of what was doing so much irreparable damage to my heart and soul.


I stopped. Oh, not overnight. But slowly, gently, I began to let go of the things and the people that weren’t in my best interest, that didn’t add to my life but merely took things away. 

I started learning to say goodbye to them or not let them near my heart in the first place. But first I had to learn to recognize them.

That was the hardest part of all. Learning to recognize them. Before, they had been signals to come, to engage. To try. To prove something within myself.

Now they were signals to let be, to leave well enough alone, to turn and slowly back away. Or run, run as fast as my legs could carry me.

I listened. I watched. I observed.

I checked in with myself to see how I felt, to see how being around someone was feeling to me. I learned to trust my own intuition and gut instincts for the first time in my life.

Until one day, a real kind of love found me.

One between equals, instead of the opposite kind I’d been used to. One where I could be myself and be loved because of who I was, not in spite of who I was.

If you had told me back then the journey I would take from where I was to where I came to, I would never have believed it.

But by being open to listening, to hearing myself and what I needed and turning down the voices of the world around me, I found more love than I could have ever dreamed of.

For both myself, and for another. The only way real love can ever be.

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Jane Garapick

Jane Garapick is a dating and relationship coach, and the founder of Getting to True Love, LLC.

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  1. Beautiful article❤👑To lead a life with ease of Souls and mind..letting go…is the key note..for a happy healthy life.
    If we keep in heart and mind that some persons or conditions are major cause of our anger…bother..worry..or depress situations.. we can’t go on with life….with a happy note..we have to make ways for us by our ourselves.. by neglecting .forgiving..not extra realistic..and letting go…as we let go things.. and our behaviour is cool…and calm….and we concentrate on our works….we don’t try to make ourselves sensitive about the people or conditions..that…are supposed to let us in misery…or pain without any solid reasons…those people and conditions with the passage of time..gets better…and they are turning into our favour….as much we let go..less response…be relax…and our works with courage and love..those who wanna make us trouble some..Feels..pity..they feel they are not doing something’s right…they will see their own faults.. in some individuals it takes a better result to come out ..but in some it takes time..Main thing is we have to have our own power..confidence..and wisdom…let go….and move forward.. don’t take any thing so personal..don’t get upset by people or conditions…This will make life much relax…and better….live life…with purpose…and love yourself and your Life….wht is meant for you will be yours….life is a continues circle of learning.. taking knowledge…love and care individuals…giving…respecting others…Let go…..and let love pass through each others souls….with pure heart and intentions….❤💐Amen

  2. Hello Bryant and Jenni 💕 Letting go is a reality that most people find hard to accept specially when what you’re trying to hold onto means a lot to you. Another reason is fear of the unknown and fear of living your comfort zone. But there comes a point in time when you have to Let Go/Surrender for various reasons. Sometimes you find yourself stuck, unhappy or not growing anymore or the other party changed and don’t want you in the equation anymore (even though you’re still happy or because you have to change some bad habits). So when faced with this decision, we should remember to have a blind faith and put our trust in the universe or Unseen Hand (God) that the changes happening are for the best interest of everyone involved and that there are unlimited possibilities out there waiting to be explored if we will just open our heart and be more receptive.
    Part of Letting Go is releasing the people we love/illusions/dreams. As the saying goes, ” if it’s meant to be, it will be” or “What’s meant to be will find a way, what’s not will fall away” Nothing is definite in life. People and events can change, but what’s important to remember is to make the most of whatever resources we have and BELIEVE that there is a beautiful replacement for anything that we lost. Love and hugs to both of you💜💛💚💙💕

  3. I have found my journey to be very personal.
    When I was younger I accumaled Ptsd that was very extreme. Spiritual beliefs were not strong enough in some ways yet acute in others. And I guess that explains the excruciating process of Letting go.
    I finally had to start chipping away at my old story, and when I started going deeper and deeper the pain was leading me back to feelings of innocence. However I find that the more I am able to let go of expectations as well as outcomes. I still have all these tools That I feel I have inherited to deal with everyday life. It’s still a process but the more I allow myself to feel ease and to recognise that ease, it helps me move through negative emotions as well as traumatic moments with more clarity and ease, even if it is heartrenching, I have a stronger belief that it will pass than I did in the past. It does have a lot to do with mindset and having courage. and I tell myself, go easy on yourself, be kind and gentle, and slow down, and I feel sometimes that too is courage to let go and just sit with what’s going on and allowing it to move on as something still from the past. I I think, that’s also fine, there’s no timeframe and everyone has a different piece of the puzzle to heal and let go and learn to self love again, even when things are not wonderful and somewhat

  4. Boy, I wonder if it was my ex husband, u were talking about. My ex husband was just like that. Him and I had eight children together…and he still had time to cheat. I had two miscarriages, and a sids baby in 2001…5yrs later I got hurt, had to have knee surgery and couldn’t work, he ended up taking my five children away from me….I’m still to this day trying to recover!!!

  5. First I would like to thank you for publishing this article for all of us that need that final boost or confirmation to let go! I was in a 12-year relationship with a gentleman that had a drinking problem…. no, that’s not exactly true he was an alcoholic… When he was sober he was one of the finest men you could ever know but, and that’s a great big BUT, when he was drinking he turned from dr. Jekyll to mr. Hyde. The first few years were like a fairytale and they were beautiful and loving which caused me to fall deeply in love with this man… He had lost his wife a few years before I met him and from everything I was told he was the perfect husband and showed his wife nothing but love, compassion and understanding during her illness and since I had a similar illness I thought wow he is the perfect man for me I know he would be there for me in my time of need if it should come……
    After those first few years of bliss the alcoholism became worse and of course his children blamed me for that, they had no idea just what I was living through with him. He became verbally abusive when he was drinking and would call me names and tell me basically how worthless I was and even though I knew that I wasn’t my self-esteem began to dwindle of course the next day he would have forgotten all of the hurtful and hateful things he had said to me and everything should just be all right he did not want to discuss anything that he could not remember … I began to find telltale signs of his infidelity until one night I actually walked in on him in our bed with another woman!! Of course he blamed it on his drinking and after a short period of maybe a month I went back to him and we began to date again and it was wonderful for a few months and then the cycle began to repeat itself not once but over and over and over… Why was I allowing this to happen to me??? ,,, yes I knew I loved him …still even with all the hurt he put me through .. I gave him my all everything that I was I gave to him why could he not love me or see how much I loved him!!! I did not even know who I was anymore because I had tried so hard to become what he wanted me to be … I did not even know who I was anymore because I had tried so hard to become what he wanted me to be… Then the unthinkable happened…. I became ill! I was no longer able to cater to his needs or those of his family. Then I began finding out from his extended family that he had treated his wife of 34 years the exact same way he had cheated on her also and had been an alcoholic since he was in his early thirties. It was not my fault and that was the thing I had to come to grips with. I mustered up the energy to tell him the relationship was over and it would never ever be the same again. Of course he continued to call like he always had and thought that I would forgive him again but not this time. This time I had my own battle to fight, you see, now I have cancer which after much study and enlightenment I have discovered more than likely I brought on myself because of all the stress and the anxiety that I went through for those years!!! I don’t know exactly where I am going from here but I do know that I’m going to fight the best fight of my life and I’m going to win it one way or the other. He does not even call to check on me now you see he has another love that he has moved into his house and proposed to her the same way he did me 12 years ago.
    If you are in an abusive relationship whether it is mental abuse or physical abuse you do not deserve to be treated like that. You deserve love and compassion with understanding … you deserve to be who you are and happy within that. Believe me I know how hard it is to give up that sense of security with another person but it’s not worth what you’re doing to your own body. I spend most of my days now searching the web and discovering a whole new me. Do whatever it takes for you to begin to love you again. I wish for you all many blessings and unconditional love.

    1. Yes, all of us, ALL OF US, NEED TO TAKE A REAL INVENTORY OF HOW WE WERE RAISED. Did your parents give you the emotional foundation you needed or deserved? Many parents do the “right” things……dads, moms do their best, they do, BUT as an HSP (highly sensative person) a counselor helped me realize that my parents were NOT THERE FOR ME EMOTIONALLY. WOW…A BIG LIGHT WENT ON. NOW I KNEW WHY I WAS ATTRACTED TO MEN WHO AT FIRST TOLD ME HOW MUCH THEY LOVED ME…TO FILL IN THE CRACKS IN MY HEART. SO I DID THE WORK, HARD WORK TO HEAL MY HEART, KNOW MYSELF not the false self, the real ME. To love ME, to respect ME, to understand why I had made poor choices and to now SEE I WAS GOOD, KIND, LOVEABLE AND GODS SPECIAL GIFT TO THE WORLD…saying this in a humble, thankful way. NOW I am ready to accept the love of a very, VERY special man. A man who is mature who kNOWS , LOVES AND RESPECTS HIMSELF…SO HE IS FREE TO LOVE ME IN A TRUE, OPEN, HONEST, AND LIVING, LOVING RELATIONSHIP. I COULD NOT BE HAPPIER.

  6. Iam exactly the same, until i was studying at the University and also progressen knowledge about behaviorproblems, social dynamics and peoples lack of selfawareness and consiousness to provide the sequre love and attachment i needed. To let go of others, it is not only to love oneself, but to really be educated in Why people treat us bad, because we hold on to beliving that we can change their behavior and understanding, when it comes to pur own emotions and needs. The second thing is that we belive that we have an impact over others by common sense and logical resonble conversations, when in fact we are a target of being used or manipulated back, or used in our ability to reflect and communicate from a health balance between emotions and thoughts. To let go over other people is also a statement over to let go of love, based one the reality over who they truley are, insted of having a fiction over what we want them to be. In fact, we ourselves dont love the real person behind them, because we belive that they are the people we want them to be, insted of who they truley are. That is not fair for them either. When we are real and honest over what we ourselves want, we can also be more fair in relation to o5ers, based on that we know them well first, before comitment or long lastning friendship. With love and support Lina Sjöberg

  7. This is me to a T!!!!! I always put others first because my mom did and her mom, my sisters etc. while admirable to be selfless, we can’t lose our whole selves in the meantime. We end up unhappy and even resentful. Why don’t I matter to them like they do to me? Fact is they’re not us. What we allow is what. Will continue. I finally had enough and ended my 24 year marriage. Now I feel loved by someone who always loved me. Except now I have I new set of problems with changes in family dynamics and opinions of me. I gained something yes, but lost a lot too. We stay in these situations because at least we are familiar with the pain, as oppose to unknown pain. It’s a tough situation. But ultimately we are responsible for our own well being and happiness. We can’t put that job on anyone else. Great article.

  8. Very good article it is true that we need to let it go anything’s brings to us bad or sad feelings in relationships you have to give and receive making balance beside love trust and respect but still no grantees it could continue or not because feelings could be changed

  9. Wow. In a perfect world, what you send into the lives of others comes back into your own. The Golden Rule: do unto others as you would have them do unto you. In other words, treat others the way you want to be treated. But this isn’t a perfect world. And some people, I have learned, are horrible and self-serving and exploit you no matter how good you are to them. I’ve been hurt deeply in believing and living by the law of reciprocity… getting what you give. Knowing when to let go. Incrementally, until finally. You cant keep pouring into a bottomless bucket. I’ve learned that too. Idealism to disillusionment to realism. It wasn’t easy and it wasn’t without scars. I have traded the bucket for a cup… one I serve from and one from which I receive. My inner circle is now small. On all levels.

  10. Beautiful article…worth reading if you cannot understand how love can become sadness and despair…
    One does not necessarily have to experience everything painful in Life to realize when a relationship is one sided….
    Sadly it takes a lot of strength to walk away and say my Child is more important than this person who is too self centered…
    It is better to remember we are never really alone..

  11. I heard myself in this article I thought I always had to give in give in give in order to be happy and to receive love. It wasn’t until I lost my husband of 32 years that I learned to depend upon myself and to find myself and to realize myself worth and to love myself. It is then that I Returned to my faith and to God. I had forgotten the God so loved me that he gave his only begotten son So that I could be forgiven of my sins. I rededicated my life to God I sold my home and I moved 400 miles from where I had lived. I found a new church And I’ve dedicated my life to Christ again. I have found love again with the most unlikely person who’s ever been in my life, my 1st husband. Being alone and praying and talking to yourself and answering yourself reading your Bible is the one thing that we all need to do to bring us closer to the person that we are supposed to be. May God’s grace bless you and keep you all safe happy and most of all closer to god.

  12. Sometimes we all have dreams and ideas of what a relationship is, what a marriage is, and how our homes will look. Along the way when the relationship gets tough we hold on so tightly to those dreams, believe in our hearts if we keep giving more, keep loving more, keep compromising and working hard at it that the relationship will miraculously get better. That rarely happens. If it isn’t there it either just never will be or the spouse isn’t capable or doesn’t want it. Or worse has other things going on and expending all their energy and time so therefore won’t have any left for you or your relationship. Sometimes we are so in love with love and loving we lose ourselves and our dreams and settle or stay in unhealthy relationships. If you feel sad, drained, frustrated, hurt, or lost then it’s time to let go. Don’t stay in a relationship to prove anything, to avoid embarrassment, or most importantly “for the kids”. When that happens we only teach them how to accept things, how to put our feelings on the back burner, and how to treat their spouses. It feels like a big risk to let go, you’ll be temporarily a little more sad during healing, but in the end it’s so worth it. Love yourself again. That way the love you’re giving is sent out how you truly mean for it to be given. ❤️♥️❤️

  13. What a beatiful article. I am incapable of giving any kind of advice as far as relationships are concerned. Many people feel so trapped within their relationships that they are blind to see the truth. Throughout the years if the basis of marriage aren’t solid they will slowly collapse. Marriage means a life long commitment. But what happens when one of the partners, is cheating? You feel so helpless one side of you screams to get the hell out whether the other one stays reasonable and advice you to stay calm. Trust is the issue. Could you trust someone who cheated on you? Does it deserve a second chance? Of course he deserves but that doesn’t mean that the wound is healed. Especially when you are the one who has been given your whole might and in the end you are the one who gets hurt. What happens when love has faded away? You may be feeling frustrated and you may not be in love any more. It’s do difficult to let go especially when you are married for so many years. You can’t think yourself without your husband !! You always believe that things will get better but instead of getting better they remain the same day after day!! If the marriage is a one-sided relationship and one of the partners is being mistreated most of the times then we have to think about the possibility of letting go as hard as it may seems. You may be thinking that you can’t live without your other half!! But that’s an illusion. We have to take a step and try new things even if it means that we will spend some time alone. Do not twist the meaning of love. Love means to be passioned with your partner and not being taken advantage of in the name of it.

  14. What a fantastic article! I lived this kind of life for many years. I’m recently going through a divorce after 12 years of a marriage where my heart, and my well being was not important.
    By the grace of God, I’m out of that relationship and learning to heal, and learning to listen to my gut instinct telling me to run the other direction as fast as I can.
    It’s so hard in a society that portrays a woman as a selfless, giving, and loving person beyond even what she is capable of doing herself. I’m taking that leap of faith, and I’m going to learn to take care of my needs, and my interests first before anyone else’s.

  15. Thank you for this lovely article. I felt it’s me who is talking about my life.
    I think it’s great and resonate to so many women .

  16. For so many years I have tried to mend fences (so to speak) with my ex husband and his family trying to prove that I was a good person despite the circumstances of our separation. After 3 years I now know that the energy that I am putting out isn’t being respected, responded to in the manor I believed i deserved . So I asked how to let this past be the past and how I could forgive myself for my part in the break up of my marriage..
    this arrival has really helped me to recognize that I’m putting my live in all the wrong places. Thank you for this article and my new understanding of where I should concentrate my time and love on.

  17. I felt this way for years.. I now know what real love is.. I have been happily married to my best friend Mark now going on 17 yrs in June.. I was married 2 times before and in abusive ones.. I couldn’t do anything right .. they both cheated on me and lost my oldest son to his dad .. he hasn’t talked to me in 15 yrs .. because of the stuff he did to himself and blamed me. I have 2 grandkids and neither one knows me.. I learned to let go.. and love myself … and stop blaming myself for things I didn’t need to .. I found God to be a big part of my healing and comfort plus Mark has been a great help.. he stepped up and loved me and all of my kids unconditionally..

  18. Ooh! This one really hits home. I did as the literature read for far too many years. I stayed married to my “him” for 28 years. Then ‘he’ came to me and said,”Marti, I am tired of cheating on you. I want you to get a divorce and pay for it.” I did. I filed for the divorce and paid for it. He never went away. Oh, he lived with several different women who bought him things he wanted (even married one for a minute. I still allowed him to use me because I loved him. He got colon cancer, then lung cancer, then brain cancer. The cancer spread throughout his body. When his last girlfriend threw him out because he was such a pain, he came home, back here to me. When I married him in 1973, I promised in front of Good that I would love him, cherish him, and honor him until death do us part. I did and I stayed with him until he took his last breath. I still love him today and he sits in his box on the mantle beside me waiting to be buried with me, as he requested. I still love, honor, and cherish him to this day. I have never dated anyone. I know I deserve better, but after John, no one was interested in me. I no longer look like I did when I was 16. My advise is RUN! RUN! RUN! as fast as you can. It is hard work for someone who will never love you anyway – they aren’t capable of love.

  19. It is very inspiring gives me more strength to carry on in life. Every human being has the opportunity to grow. No matter what were facing.we must go on. Sometimes it is easier fr a lot of people to give advice to everyone. While we.are the one who need advice. and pursuit the advice in order fr us to grow to have self esteem, self respect and know our value. Now I guess its time fr me to follow my own advice and listen to the advice of other people. Thank you fr the message of The Power of letting go. Thank you fr the nice encouragement. Keep it up en God Bless.

  20. Letting go has never been easy for me. I am the type of woman who gives all she has to everyone in her life or crosses her path. I’m now starting over no job, no money, living with my daughter & her family because the house I lived in for the past 3 years was sold because the owners could not afford necessary repairs. I’m feeling discouraged & let down by so many people I thought wouldn’t do me this way after all I gave & done for them. Sad part I would never have done any of them the way I feel they have done me. I built my life around that house & my boyfriend who is nowhere to be found now I’m struggling. I’m facing so much alone sometimes it’s unbelievable I’m in such a position. I made myself sick with worrying. My soul was literally suffocating. I have decided that enough is enough. I’m going through this struggle & coming out a better, stronger version of myself. I have begun taking time for me regardless of the world or needs of others around me because I see the need for letting things be. I can’t control what’s happening however I can control how I deal with it all. Letting go is freeing no matter how I struggle with trying to hold on. I really appreciate the fact that Simple Reminders reached out to me. In fact I love this article & found comfort.

  21. This resonated with me a lot. What helped me to release a lot of people, pain and things was when I chose to forgive myself first, then others and fall unconditionally and deliciously in love with me. I embraced every part of me, the good and the bad. As a result I love and appreciate people and life so much more.

  22. Letting go of the pain or anyone/anything hurting us gives room for the one/s that can bring us real happiness 💟

  23. This is a great article. When I married my first husband 50 years ago I soon became a mental mess and I thought it was a hereditary condition. I didn’t seem to be able to help myself. I struggled through a physical and emotional abusive relationship and decided once and for all to get out of it. I suffered with such low self esteem, it took me quite awhile to get over my breakup because even though he was abusive to me I had been so dependant on him. Now I’m married to a kind and loving man for 14 years. My relationship with my daughter still needs working on but she is my daughter and i’ll always love her.

  24. Giving up us not a priority for me I have thought about but never did the thought. Praying and trusting that God will give me what I need to become victorious. God said the battle is not mind it is his. As I have matured and been blessed with wisdom trials and tribulations hurt but I know without a doubt this too shall pass. To God be all the glory.

  25. Great Article Great Read. So much comes to mind. I moved to SC in 2003 to care for my dad who had Alzheimer’s. He sat up at the edge of his bed the 3rd day that I was there and offered me all of his money in his bank account. I said dad why? For what? His words were, “ something happen to you. You are not the same sharp young woman that I gave to your husband on may 31 , 1991. , that was headed to Law school. You are different WHAT HAPPENED?” From that time forward I realized when we are in situations to long, mistreated, abused, cheated on, and in my case I gave my whole self , given up my career to be officer Smith’s wife and the girls mom I lost some substance .OUR substance I learned is what GOD intentionally put with in us to carry out and fulfill our divine purpose and destiny. We owe that substance to know one not even ourselves. We are merely stewards over it . I am an advocate for love and the reciprocity of love. I though as this person with in the article that if I loved you hard enough I could somehow force you to love be me perhaps out of the kindness and now how of you heart. But what happens if that’s. Or the content of that individuals heart . So I’m constantly beating a dead horse so to speak. Yep….. when we lose substance every part of our being is affected. STOP if this is your situation. Sure it will hurt. Cry because you need to but then move on. Easier said than done. But do you and the GOD GIVEN SUBSTANCE within you a favor MOVE ON.
    When you are least expected maybe in the process of you pain a star may shine its tallest point your way. Was it because I was prepared NO. But it did and my life will never be the same again.

  26. You are the love connecting,magical and beautiful Jane!!! The messenger of love!!! You are Cupid!!! The only god portrayed as a beautiful, angelic child!!! The mermaid of hope and love!!! Lovely Jane if one cannot share the intense Love ❤️ that Jenni and Bryant share, that intense magnetic energy bursting out of the glass, ejecting into the arms of infinity and beyond, it is more beneficial for some cases, to pronounce loneliness their best loving friend!!! Personally I love to be a loner, I adore being all by myself!!! I had years of practice. Love for me now, has taken other beautiful forms!!! Loving God, family, people,nature, all shapes of water, the sky, the astral, celestial space!!! You are a miracle because you bring lonely souls together and reunite them with the glorious meaning of true love!!! The one that connects mind, soul, heart and body!!!

  27. What a great article “The power of letting go”. Do you believe in this quote? “If meant to be, meant to be”. When it comes to the issue of heart what we call love, letting go of someone being loved is very hard. But what if you’re no longer happy with the kind of relationship you have. Our feeling sometimes is to save the relationship but if no longer work anymore, it is time to say good bye. Be thankful and just always remember the bright side not the negativity of relationship. God bless.

  28. Wow, what a fantastic article!
    I can so relate to all that you have written.
    However, I just believed that I was given so many talents and abilities and I was to share them in my life’s journey to help others.
    My Mother started to drink when I was 7 years old. At 9 I became my sweet Father’s right hand girl and took on the role of ” Mother” for my disfunctional Mother. I became the ” Cinderella “, cooking, cleaning, doing the laundry and looking after my younger siblings. We had a beautiful home in the north end and my Mom never drank prior to when it started from her guilt for having an affair on my Dad. We lost our lovely childhood home, moved to a lower neighborhood and then it began. If I can only love enough , cook and clean enough will you just behave so we can have a life and grow up in a family. That did not happen. This lead me in my adult life to unknowingly attract the “Mom ” energy in my life mate husband. It was great for awhile until the workaholic became the alcoholic and after 25 years , 11 businesses, 7 children, 11 miscarriages , I divorced him. I spent most of those years people pleasing him, his family, my community, thousands of employees, inlaws, everyone who asked for my help. In the end I only experienced great jealousy from so many whom I had helped, it was never enough. I believed it was not my children’s fault that we divorced so I bent over backwards to give them their lives, education , maintain their home, cottage, vacations and shelter so many of their friends. In the end, so many came, saw, took and left. I helped my children with their children as well, all the while believing I was doing so in the name of love, caring , supporting and making the world a better place. I married the wrong man at the wrong time and for the wrong reasons seeking the love , approval and validation from a man who like my Mom did not have the ability to give or to receive love. What a terrible life lesson, however, great to wake up at age 74 after reading your article and realizing that I am a great human being, worthy of love and capable of so much more.

  29. Thank you for your truly resonates wuth so many people.At times we allow the world to trample all over us until we are like a sik drained of water.

  30. this article I can really relate to. for so long I did not know who I was, I did not love myself, I let outer world influence me that I should be ashamed, or I was not good enough or there is mostly bad in the world. I carried anger, resentment and a lot of regrets. I was a lost person in so many ways. i made mistakes and bad choices thinking i didn’t deserve anyones love. i let myself be abused the more i was in all these co dependent , abuse relationships the more myself slipped away. like in his article it says I would never have guessed I would be who i am today knowing my past journey. after a sever relationship of years i left him that was the most horrible times of my life. i got up enough strength courage and my fear unfrozen to leave him. with the help of great support and i never looked back. it has been a rollercoaster after that i had a huge fight with my daughter which put me in a deep sad place more than you can imagine. i said hurtful things and i love her more than anyone in the world. i spent time in mental hospital but never going out of my therapy through all of this. anyway the turning point was when i did get in this fight with my daughter i was so deeply depressed i though i might leave this world but she was the one who actually gave me the strength to realize how devastated she would be without me and i need to get myself and my life together she deserves a good mom she can always depend on. and all she ever wanted is to see me happy and well. this past year i moved out of my environment to my parents to keep me safe from all the bad things i might do. i even went on some amazing adventures. i moved on my own last july, and like i said it hasn’t been easy i have had bumps in the road but the key is i always get back up and try. cause it is a brand new day. more and more i grew to really and truly believe in god’s faith and i put my life in god;’s hands. i feel truly blessed and grateful for my family friends and my life. living by myself except for the five months i lived with my parents but for two and half years living alone made me get to know me love me forgive me, i never lived alone until after the abusive relationship i did not trust anyone i developed ptsd. but that tradegy turned into the person i am today. My daughter also plays a huge part of where i am today and who i am today. i thought of what she deserved she deserve a mom. that’s when i did move last year. i can say it started out as the worst year of my life to the best year of my life. i am starting to read books get awareness on mental helath and domestic violence. i love to inspire and help others i have found my passion in life. and it is such an amazing thing!! i have goals and dreams. i am ready for real love i know there are great people out there who want the same. and i know it will be amazing when i find it. i work on my relationships with my daughter and others. i don’t let the negative influence me i leave it out and stick to the positive. i am finding peace and joy and i know my journey will just get better. i love the song “this is me” i can really relate to it. i believe there is real love out there for everyone. you have to believe in yourself, be true to you! we all deserve real love!!!!!

  31. Life is a journey, sometimes you travel with another, sometimes you travel alone, but either way the road must be traveled. You have to make the best of every situation because the road may take you into despair , all journeys are a struggle because you have to fight for anything worth having, although you may lose what you have it’s just the beginning of another road so keep your head up and never let life keep you down

  32. Yes, we need to learn to move on and let go what’s not meant for us. Accept it is what it is. The pain will take time to let go and free yourself. Self love then true love will come find you. 🙏🏻 Pray for strength

  33. Very good article. For me it was like someone wrote about my life because I can relate to this article on so many different levels. Thank you for sharing a good article with us.😁

  34. This is a very tricky thing, because with all relationships, even relationships with our bodies, we need to give and still receive to be balanced. If we run our bodies, eventually we need to refuel. Relationships seem to be the same way…but if you are in one where you are always giving, when you NEED to receive…if there is no reciprocation, then resentment could set in.

    I grew up with a narcissist parent. I was never able to “give” enough in her eyes…and as I grew into adulthood I had little or no “self” left. I was told I was a mistake, so as an adult I did everything to prove to myself that I had worth, until I realized that this was an unbalanced relationship and had to say goodbye in order to say hello to myself.

    I am in my 50’s and have learned that once you come into “balance”…

    1. Saying “no” in a loving and honest way to people is actually healthy, and a healthy relationship will not be put off when you exercise your right to say no.
    2. Self-care is not selfish.
    3. People will not react well when you stop providing your endless energy and care. Prepare to be abandoned.
    4. New relationships will come, but be mindful of old patterns of behavior. Giving makes us feel good. Giving in moderation is still wonderful. Giving beyond what is in your reserve is not self-care.
    5. There are times when we need to give more than we have. Let it be the exception…not the norm.

    Balance is a powerful word and a word I try to live by.

    Peace to all.


  35. This is not a gender specific problem. For Ive done this my entire life. Ive loved this one woman since I was a kid.I still do. Although she says all the right things her actions speak a differnt message. Sometimes you just have to let go. A wound will never heal if its being picked at all the time.Believe in yourself. Know that you are loveable. You just have to keep looking for that person who can fulfill all your needs. God wants that for you. He is the source of Love. He is the strenght you need.

  36. Beautiful. When I feel like my head is going to just expose, lol… I start cleaning the house & singing, “I surrender all.” It’s a small practice but has become a ritual. ❤

  37. Wow! I can relate to every word. This was me for so many years of my life. Very well written. This will resonate with so many women. Thank you for sharing.

    1. I feel your pain…similar situation with my son. Once they are adults, we just have to let them make their choices…even ones they may live to regret. We must, however, resolve not to be a doormat or an ATM.

      1. I found that when you have a good heart it might be a chance that you hurt more at the end. I have learned to walk away with pride in my heart that I did given out my love honnestly and truly regardless the person who received it is worth or not. I don’t regret that I have loved too much, somehow, I found myself that to let go is also because I respect myself enough to walk away. Thank you

    2. hello! this happened to me tonight 4 feb 2018 my 51 yr old daughter deleted me from her fb page for the 2nd time! I am done trying and asking for forgiveness from her it is ruining my health.

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