The Difference Between Supporting Someone and Trying to Save Them

Make sure your house is in order before you try to put the lives of others in order.

There is a difference between supporting someone and trying to save them. The fact is, no one can be saved by anyone but themselves! You can only support and help those who are already putting in the work and helping themselves. Boundaries are absolutely necessary when dealing not only with other people but also when dealing with ourselves. We must know what we are and aren’t capable of. Our self-care must remain at the forefront of our attention.

Being mindful of our energy and the energy of others can help us to lead a happier, more productive life.

We must monitor what we allow into our lives.

Does it serve us or harm us? Are we acting in our own best interest? Even if we have circumstances in our lives which are trying and difficult, we still have a choice as to what we emotionally engage with. Are you going to anchor yourself to fear or love? Are you going to focus on what you can, or can’t do? Where will you invest your time, attention, and energy?

Cultivating a strong inner peace to carry with us into every circumstance and every moment of life is a necessary, vital component of self-care. Volatile people are not in control of themselves or their faculties. They are like a time-bomb, ready to go off at a moment’s notice. Inner peace provides stability and consistent, productive function. It allows for greater control particularly in times of great duress. Sacrificing and martyring yourself for the sake of another is not an act of love. It is an act of self-sabotage. Moreso, it solves nothing, and it does not solve the root of the problem.

A person bent on destroying themselves will continue to destroy themselves no matter how many times we save them. Trying to save them will only pull us down with them into their turbulent nightmare. Sometimes, we must issue tough love, where we have to enact boundaries, and sometimes, that means we have to walk away. Sometimes, we have to love people from a distance.

Instead of being a crutch to other people, show them how to help themselves, empower them, show them hope, faith, and their own potential.

Lead by example. Recognize that everyone has and always will have their own suffering. You cannot save anyone from all suffering. They will suffer, just like you and everyone else will suffer. This is part of life and living.

We dictate how people are allowed to treat us by our own behavior, by our reactions and non-reactions. We must respect ourselves first before we can demand respect from others. We must uphold our own respect. We must not sacrifice our own respect for others, because doing so is an act against ourselves. What are we sacrificing ourselves for? For disrespect? Why?! Make clear how you wish to be treated, and enact boundaries for all those who either won’t or can’t respect your terms. Boundaries may be as simple as detaching yourself emotionally from a person or a situation. Remember, boundaries are not always physical.

The people you surround yourself will inevitably have a profound influence on you and your well-being.

Choose carefully. Surrounding yourself with good, stable, motivated, like-minded, drama free people is imperative. It is better to have a few right friends, than scores of wrong ones! Getting out from the weight of bad relationships is so incredibly liberating. Now you can free up your time for what really matters, for what matters most!

Acceptance of any situation and circumstance will liberate you from your fear, stress, anxiety, and worry. Learn to let situations and people go. It is ok if people don’t like you, don’t like what you do, or how you do it. Remember, you are living this life for YOU. This is your life first. You can’t fight every battle and you won’t win every battle you fight. 

Make sure your house is in order before you try to put the lives of others in order.

Don’t spend so much time, attention, and energy helping others that you and your life fall into neglect. There is nothing wrong with engaging in self-care!

Before we try to save anyone else, we need to first save and serve ourselves! You cannot serve anyone if you do not look after yourself! It is time to take responsibility for your life. You are in charge of you. No one else. Don’t let life, other people, or your circumstances pull you to and fro. You can be you, no matter the situation and the circumstance. You can be your own constant amongst the chaos. Learn to work with yourself, work to trust yourself, and learn to be self-sufficient.

Be selective in where you put your time, attention, and energy.

Choose things that will serve to empower you further. The more you empower yourself, the greater your power in life to act from. If you want to effect change, do it in your own life first. Build something, do something, be something, first. The more you invest in yourself, the more you will have to give from.

Life is so short, we only have this short life to live, and it is our responsibility to make it the best we can. We deserve peace of mind, we deserve a better quality of life. Take the time to reflect on the choices you are making in your life. Take action to advocate for your well-being and self-care. Seize the day and make this life the best it can be!


Akiroq Brost

Akiroq is a Human Potential Inspirational writer, who has a passion for helping others explore and harness the extraordinary potential that lies within each and every one of us.

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Being conscious of how much energy we put into supporting someone is so important. We must be aware of how much can be done. Best thing is to encourage people to help themselves.

Wong Lok

Build something, do something, be something, first. The more you invest in yourself, the more you will have to give from. – Akiroq <3 love this quote very much <3 it's a few steps that helps and shows how people can start to heal themselves and feel happy again <3 much love and happiness from Hong Kong. have a super nice day <3

Jo Davis

Wonderful Article! Certainly worth reading more than once! Thank you, love!


thank you both so much i needed to read this to recap on things to help myself refill my own cup back up ive always gone above and beyond for people who didnt deserve my best at all hurts but i have to deal with the fact i allowed that too happen to myself ill always advice
and anyone whos stuck but i have to put myself frist for once because they werent there when i needed them to pull me back up to see form of light so i become my own touch in the dark i did it for myself by myself im now my cups half full which is an amazing feeling after years of hurt and pain


Morning…well said correct…in life only we the individual can do certain things…when we live for ourselves we will only then see and appreciate the value of every day that we are blessed in waking up to….

Dulce Bautista
Dulce Bautista

It was come a time that i lost things that really matters..supporting and helping others on their entire problems lead them not to find solutions on their problems,and putting boundaries on that matters is the best way to help things out..

Dulce Bautista
Dulce Bautista

It was come a time that helping and supporting other people really frustrated my lines of duties in my own life…its true that putting boundaries on helping other people is such a right thing to do because its not he process of solving their entire problems instead we pushed them not to find solutions how to solve their own problems….

Debbie Pegram

I helped a small abused child family member three and half years ago. She has many mental problems and now at age 8 they are changing and becoming more difficult. My stress level is out the roof and I now have sole custody of this precious child. But I am older and disabled and it is literally sucking any life I have out of me. She brings me joy but so much work that I just don’t know what to do. It isn’t her fault, nor is it mine. She gets counseling weekly and has since I have had her. Her mother’s life is now worse than befor and she has three other children she abuses. DSS is aware and she has had 5 cases! All closed with her children still suffering. I need prayers to know what to do now as my life has gone completely downhill and I am growing weary. My grown children don’t want to be around her so they aren’t around me. It’s an impossible situation because I love this child as my own. Her mother also sucks the life out of me and if I don’t respond to her as she’s wishes, ie: answering her life sucking, drama filled, needy phone calls, she threatens me with lies and retaliation. I am not only going broke as the mother doesn’t help financially at all, but the rest of my family comes and gives me “love”, long enough to get what they want or need , then stay away and talk negatively about me. I am disgusted with myself as I know and have known for years that this is who they are. They say they love me but I just do not see it. I feel they all “love” me for what I can do for them and when I cannot do something for them I am the bad one and they destroy my character with lies. They pretend to care. God please help me to get out of this life sucking situation. I have nothing left to give financially or emotionally. Thank you.

Debbie Pegram

This article was perfect for what I’m going through. EVERY single relationship I’m involved in my entire life has been self sacrificing and full of other’s drama. I get sucked in as the “matriarch” of our family and am stressed daily. I see from the this article that I cannot expect respect unless I respect myself. I don’t even know where to start there. I’m a pushover when it comes to all of the children in my family. The adults all know that and use them to get to me and use me. I’m so tired. I’m so tired. I’ve gotten myself into a situation that is nearly impossible to get out of. This hit “the nail on the head” for me. Thank you as always for your gentle clarity in life’s ever changing issues. You all are the best!

Becki McDonough

Akiroq, this is a great article. It serves as a very important reminder to us all. Self care is important and needs to be remembered in the face of being abused or put in harms way by another. Often the abused or used person can be drained or overwhelmed to the point to where they become physically ill. In some cases, the sheer overwhelm of extenuating circumstances can even make the person look mentally impaired in having to cope with the care taking coupled with abuse. This week in particular has been a true learning experience. I’ve spent years enduring horrendous abuse as have my sons out of sheer fear. It has been from more than one source and it has been relentless. Our health has been effected by having to live this way. I’m fighting to regain my health as I’m writing this. Unfortunately, I’m praying that I can see my son receive the actual support he needs and deserves in order to recover and to feel well again. He has no peace of mind to even stand a chance. Others around him are more concerned with “winning” or “judging” than they are about saving a life. This article reminds me of why it is important to practice not only self care but to practice taking care of those who truly need it in your life. Letting go of the toxic, selfish people is a must even if they are “family.” Children don’t ask to be born and they deserve to be safe in their own home. No guilt ever needs to exist when a child’s safety and well-being are at stake. The same holds true of any abused person. This week, an elderly family member was physically assaulted by her own child. She is losing her home due to years of financial abuse by her own child. Now, it turns out that this is not the first physical assault she has had to be hospitalized for. She is in her 80’s. There aren’t enough words to express the sadness and sheer disgust I feel. But knowing she is safe and that she will remain that way from now on because of people caring enough to not just talk about it or gossip about it, but instead taking heartfelt action to protect her is the greatest peace of mind. Years of judgement and harsh words were used against this poor woman that was a victim of intense domestic violence is astounding. She begged for money because she was afraid. Her daughter drank her grocery money away and her home. She called for help right after being assaulted and then would recant when it came time to press charges. She tried to protect her abuser because despite her pain, she loved her daughter and was afraid surely of retribution at the same time. She also was afraid of harm coming to her child in jail. Her generation and many other factors, including no access or knowledge of counselling services played a role in her staying in the abuse. Why am I sharing this? Because I’m hoping it reaches even one person that needs to hear it. Victims of domestic violence no matter what their age or status are isolated on purpose by their abusers and they are made to look “crazy” for “putting up with it” or for not “just leaving if it’s the truth.”
It’s worth learning about domestic violence and getting educated about it so that if an actual non-toxic person needs you or reaches out to you, you understand their inability to save themselves at certain points. Children and elderly people especially need our awareness as society. Self-care is important in order to help others. We can not give from an empty tank. When we are below E, it’s even harder but when it comes to saving a person’s life, that life needs to come before our own. This week, healthy, able bodied, and partying capable adults made the decision to put themselves first again over the well-being of a disabled elderly woman. They falsely labeled her the narcissist or the one out to “use” therm for money. A young man is beyond hurting because he fell sick in 4th grade of no choosing of his own. He has endured horrendous bullying and ridicule to the point of nearly giving up. He wasn’t believed by people in power so they have decided to hurt him. His brother has a brain tumor, and also was severely ill. After years of trips to seek medical care and adjustments to his, medication, he is now flourishing. He wasn’t believed either. He has worked tirelessly to regain his health. He was never “lazy” or a “loser” as he was labeled. I’m sitting here with a line in my arm going to my heart to fight Lyme Disease. I’m losing weight and I’m afraid. Not because of the illness or because of both sons being in states of suffering, but because I’m finding that many often turn their backs, even if they are family when needed the most. As you have said, we find out in life that family doesn’t always mean a friend. We get to choose who our real family are. This week, people I barely knew, an old friend, and a person that truly loves us helped to save the life of an elderly woman. They took the time to listen, step up, and step in. Sadly, one person also stepped up and past her fear to help report this and she is so afraid of family retribution that I can’t mention her. If one thing helped to practice self care this week for me, it was having the privilege to be of service to another. Both my sons and this woman. It helps to heal the heart. You are an amazing author and person. You provide a wondeguk resource, along with Jenny and Bryant McGill to all of us. Finding them has been one of the greatest blessings of my life. You should be so proud of your gift. Thank you to all of the community members who set the example to love others and to serve others as each of us can. This is a safe space for all to learn and to grow. Blessings.