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Strategic Detachment

Shifting what we focus our emotions on can help to bring out the best in us.

Emotional attachment happens when we introduce judgment into the moment.

We ask ourselves: “How do I feel about this?”. We personalize the experience by involving ourselves emotionally. In short, we take the moment to heart. The circumstance is no longer just a circumstance. It’s now about us. It’s now happening to us. When we live like this, our emotions change from moment to moment. We get pulled in one direction and then the next. It’s an emotional roller coaster!

It’s important for us to realize that we have a choice as to what we emotionally engage with.

This doesn’t mean that we need to be completely without emotions. Instead, we can choose to only emotionally involve ourselves with that which serves us. We can stop emotionally attaching to whatever harms us. We can do this by asking ourselves: “Is this something I want to emotionally involve myself with?”. Instead of: “How do I feel about this?”. We can make a choice before we engage emotionally. We can say: “No”. We can also say: “No” and “No more” even after we have emotionally involved ourselves. The choice is ours.

When deciding whether or not we want to emotionally involve ourselves we can ask: “Will being emotionally involved help in some way?” “Will it aid my life and growth?” “Will it improve the quality of my life?” “Will it bring out the best in me?”” Will it help me to deal with the situation at hand?”.


In order to recognize our choice, we need to be present in the moment.

We need to stop thinking, worrying, or stressing about the past or the future. Instead, we must focus on the here and now. We must engage with the moment in mindful awareness. Otherwise, we may miss the choice in the moment.

Exercising this strategy will allow you to deal with things objectively, rather than emotionally. Many times, when we are emotionally volatile our judgment and decision making is impaired by our own emotions. Unchecked, we end up sabotaging ourselves. Deciding what we emotionally engage with can help keep our emotions level, even while the circumstances around us change, even while we deal with stressful situations. We can keep a clear head instead of drowning in our emotions. We are not further complicating matters by reacting from our emotions rather than our intellect.

Shifting what we focus our emotions on can help to bring out the best in us.

By doing this we can empower and support ourselves. This is a form of self-care. It can provide us with a more positive outlook and experience of life. It can help us to find and keep some inner peace, no matter the circumstance. 


As with anything, this is a skill that can be developed with practice.

Start by working on presence. Then work on your awareness. Exercise the choice when it comes into your awareness, even if you have already emotionally involved yourself. To shift out of emotional attachment, allow yourself time to process the emotions you are already experiencing. Setting a time limit is a great tool for not allowing things to spiral out of control. You could dedicate a certain amount of time, or a certain amount of time daily depending on what you are dealing with. After that allotted time, start focusing on what you can do, rather than what you can’t. Take action and focus on the action. Don’t ask yourself how you feel about all of it, just keep going.

If there is nothing you can do, focus on the new moment.

Or shift your focus to another aspect of the moment. If it is a challenging moment, you may decide to shift your focus to self-care. Make time for yourself. Do something that helps you to find peace and calm. Center and ground yourself. It’s OK to take a time out. It’s OK to leave something and come back to it later.

Even in the most difficult times, it is important to be mindfully aware of our choices.

We must not allow our pain to completely swallow us. We must maintain some balance in order to function, in order to work through the situation, in order to engage in self-care. Remember, there will be times when emotionally engaging with something painful will be to our benefit. Making a conscious choice allows us to have more impact in the moment.

Work with yourself, not against.

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Akiroq Brost

Akiroq is a Human Potential Inspirational writer, who has a passion for helping others explore and harness the extraordinary potential that lies within each and every one of us.

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Monique Tammenga
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Monique Tammenga

Thank you for explaining how the mind works. You gave me a piece of the puzzel. Now I know how to deal with certain situations in my life.

Catherine B. Roy
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Catherine B. Roy

Thank you so much for this brilliant article. I couldn’t agree more.

Carol
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Carol

Thank you it was a real eye opener

Ruth Barnhart
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Ruth Barnhart

Your article is spot on, since I bought this house it seem all I do is correct mistakes others have made. Today even though the insurance is escorted I had to pay the first years premium because the wrong amount was entered for the years premium. I am getting used to doing work that others should have done. The interesting thing is I am 75 and I am looking for work, they will not hire me for a long list of excuses but I am still expected to clean up the mistakes others have made on my documents, loan information, etc. I am staying in the moment.ruth

Joanne
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Joanne

Don’t look at yourself as not employable. That’s not true. No matter your age, you are viable.What is for you will show up. Your heart should be open and your mind should be quiet so that there will be room for opportunities to present itself. It’s challenging sometimes when you aren’t able to quiet the chattering in the head. It takes practice but it can be done.

TEBELLO LENESA
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TEBELLO LENESA

What an amazing insightful great piece of information, exactly what I need in this divorce situation am going through whereby every minute I think of all the painful experiences or moments so much that it becomes difficult for me to progress to the things that could change my current situation . At times I feel like not wanting to get out of bed because of the emotional struggles I encounter on a daily basis.

Marisa
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Marisa

WOU !!!

Mary Davis
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Mary Davis

“Making a conscious choice allows us to have more impact in the moment.” Yes! Thank you for the insights ~ xo

Susan Furner
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Susan Furner

Those were timely messages. I am really working on mindfulness and being present in the moment. All ideas are helpful as this is difficult for me

Gina
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Gina

You are right,everytime I’m thinking the past or the future,I’m so stressful ,that I even felt like am very tired always .Now I need to focus on the present for me to have piece of mind and to avoid the pain and stress.Though problem is always been there,it’s up to us on how we gonna control it in order for us to have our own self care.Thank u for your concerned.

Sarah Willoughby
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Sarah Willoughby

Hi Akiroq, I love the phrase, we can say no, and no more, this is really powerful. Thanks for sharing your wisdom, take care, Sarah x

Angeliki Anastasia
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Angeliki Anastasia

An amazing life saving article! When the gordian knot is too complex to solve, you must cut it with a butcher knife, once and for all! Thank you very much! 🏆🙏❣️💕🏅🎖

Robina fazal
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Robina fazal

Nice..inspiring..worthful ful words and thoughts of wisdom..💖👑💐Thanks..dear..Akiroq Brost for Sharing…As I also use to manage my time in best possible ways in regular routines. ..it makes me active..happy..full of stamina..courage to deal my daily routines. .responsibilities and own meditation..recreation time in better ways with changes ..and day by day i feel more passionate to do different activities with full zeal and zest..Any kind of emotionality ..sensitivity ..fear of any kind..any stress pain or worry ..can’t make me weak..if such problems comes..I take a uplift..by doing the things I feel happy as hearing music..reading books.writing..or I go into nature to feel relaxed..and I really feel happy and healthy day by day as no person..event..condition..behaviours or attitudes at times..can spoil succeed in spoiling my inner peace…as I don’t diattach myself to any one ..any event..or behaviour or attitudes personally..I don’t at all feel emotional or sensitive ..for any one..rather than I deal all with best stratege..I don’t take any nonsense on my mind or Soul..My inner always relaxxx ..as I trust in God Almighty..and follow his teachings..with ful heart…I remain cool..relaxed and calm..all is going v.well …but I have to practice daily to be patient ..relaxed..and kill down my time in best possible activities ..coping my daily routines and responsibities as well..May God Almighty let me more healthy and happy..more positive and productive to be always a Soul thirsty to love care all…Be always a Soul in service of other Souls .Amen..💖👑💐

Margo
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Margo

Wonderful tips here! Thank you!!!!

Margo
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Margo

These days, I tend to trust my intuition, and listen to my inner voice. It can take a few signs before I finally set my boundary, or is it a wall of defence… it depends on the situation. I’m better at setting boundaries now, to suit me, rather than doing what other people want me to do only when it suits them. If I think someone is taking advantage or using me, I just distance myself or make a valid excuse to get away. I find people only attach themselves to you when they’re other friends are doing something or they are available. But the number of times they haven’t been there when I needed some company because “ they” are busy or have their pals back, opened my eyes. Now I just do what I’m going to do without “always”explaining. I think, depending on our situation and circumstances, it’s not always necessary to let people know I words, what boundaries you have set. Sometimes actions are enough. I don’t like to be cornered, so I may then just walk away and say no no no. Generally, I set them in my head or say to someone that I have an appointment or I’m going in a different direction. Mind you, there was one woman who changed her mind about her plans and said she would come with me!! I was a bit stuck there! She called my bluff! It’s hard for me to set them up at times if I get caught unawareingly, but eventually will develop a strategy to stick to my own plans. I’m also aware of compromise, which is a must in any friendship or relationship. Boundaries are very good, I learned them in Theory at a Course I attended, with a bit of practice. But my personality kind of “ goes with the flow” at times. Then people think they can do what they like all the time with you. I guess I need to address the balance. There are good tips in this article. Thank you!! It’s very interesting and I’ve enjoyed reading and commenting on it, and both sharing and viewing other people’s thoughts and experiences, and their ways of dealing with boundaries.

Margo
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Margo

I should also mention the emotional aspect, which is a very prominent part of my boundary setting. I care for my Father who is abusive, and I’ve tried to set boundaries, but I tend to overlook the emotional turmoil he puts me in to take care of him. That’s a nightmare. He doesn’t care about my boundaries, and in his situation, I can’t always stick to them! People ask me why I bother with him, but he’s my Father… I know what they mean though. In fact, I have trouble with all relationships and boundaries. I can set them, but sticking to them is emotionally draining along with the daily activities of caring for someone who hates you. Etc etc

Ruth E Barnhart
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Ruth E Barnhart

Good arrival, thank you for allowing me the opportunity to read it. I find it difficult not to return to the past and review the happy, fun years I had with my husband, God rest his soul. Sometimes I get so caught up in the past that I will waste time reliving the best years of my life. AND THE DAUGHTER I live with will be calling my name out loud so that we can get some work done in the garden, fix dinner, run a load of laundry or go shopping for groceries. I enjoyed your arrival very much.

Ruth

Hillary williams
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Hillary williams

I strongly believe in this perspective however as concious as it sounds the very early part of the statement is true and most times are unavoidable that’s how us as humans deal hurt

PRABHAKAR RAJARAPU
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PRABHAKAR RAJARAPU

AMEN

Jeyashree suresh
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Jeyashree suresh

One of the best read so far for me personally.. this is something I just needed…

Joy
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Joy

How did you know am in such a mess as this?……God thank you for sharing this mind healing therapy…. I feel so free and hopeful again.

Julia Kinandu
Member
Julia Kinandu

Lovely

Fknothing
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Fknothing

Thanks for sharing this mindTip with us. I must say that time controls all of these emotional issues. Today I’m past forty years of age and it feels like I have the ability to control and switch to self care. I didn’t have it when my twenties, thirties…
Anyhow, putting words on those mindgames is a very good idea. Thanks