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Some people cannot love you the way you want to be loved

They will touch your hand with their hand, but never with their heart.

There are ways to live life that some people are not even aware exists. People who have had little self-reflection live life in a huge reality blind-spot. They truly believe that life is a certain way when it actually isn’t. It is like a sad inside joke that everyone is aware of, but them. They think they have it all figured out. They really believe they are “good” people. They do everything right — on the surface. They are responsible, friendly, pay their bills and work hard. They put food on the table for their families. They have good credit scores, don’t speed and keep a clean house. But something is missing. It is so “missing” they don’t even know it’s missing. This is the calamity of a conformed life, devoid of self-inquiry and introspection.

“I have frequently seen people become neurotic when they content themselves with inadequate or wrong answers to the questions of life. They seek position, marriage, reputation, outward success of money, and remain unhappy and neurotic even when they have attained what they were seeking. Such people are usually confined within too narrow a spiritual horizon. Their life has not sufficient content, sufficient meaning. If they are enabled to develop into more spacious personalities, the neurosis generally disappears.”
C.G. Jung

Some people have been cut off from their own self-knowledge and critical thinking abilities, but even worse, they are disconnected from the very essence of life. They are missing the unseen essential. Some would say what they are missing is God, spirituality, passion, or a basic value for life itself. They are not in touch with universal gratitude; they do not glow with wonderment or see their life as a treasured gift. They have a distorted view of the world and a shallow relationship with themselves and others. But, they carry assumptions that they have it all “figured out” and that people who do not think like them are wrong, immoral or beneath them. They are cocooned by their comfort of assumptions in a type of developmental stasis. They exist in an obedient, placated “status quo” or autopilot mode of existence — a form of unconsciousness, like a real-life zombie. Unconscious people are spiritually stunted, effectively encasing their unique brilliance in a psychological tumor. Such is the bigot, the misogynist, the xenophobe, the common corporate drone, the condescending academic elitist, the zealot nationalist whose extreme patriotism includes a feeling of superiority over other countries, and the modern-day vapid college graduate, who has only been readied for obedient submission to a life of mediocrity and corporate servitude. But among these unawakened souls are also regular people; not bad people, just normal everyday people in our lives, even people who we love. Maybe we want to know them more deeply, but they are unaware and uninterested in those depths. Maybe we want to go with them on a spiritual journey of great intimacy, but they are not ready for that journey, and perhaps they never will be.

Some people cannot love you the way you want to be loved because they are emotionally and spiritually frozen. They recoil from or avoid affection. You will never meet a deep penetrating gaze from their shallow eyes; only a surface glance. They will touch your hand with their hand, but never with their heart. They will serve your body but not your soul. They can only connect with you through utility, but never passion. If you need cupcakes or a jar opened, they are perfect; if you need compassion or wisdom, you are all alone. They are only a person as society made them, not as nature intended them. They live life so perfectly but know nothing of life at all. They did everything they were told to be a good person but are hardly a person at all. They are empty. They are dead inside. They will break your heart if you let them. They are usually very judgmental. They see themselves as nice but are often mean and cold. They feel themselves superior. They think everything they do is exactly the way it is supposed to be done. They are repeaters. They lack original thought. If you challenge their slumber with awakened thoughts, they will panic and flee. They will make you feel crazy because they only believe what the masses believe. They are the embodiment of the masses because they have not become their own individual person. Individuation is an attainment of spiritual maturity — frighteningly seldom attained in today’s world. You cannot change these people. They are trapped inside of themselves; stunted. You will waste your whole life waiting for them to wake-up to the treasure of what you have to offer. You cannot snap them out of their sleep. Often, only a tragic event will possibly awaken them. Sometimes they awaken during a painful life transition. Some awaken on their deathbeds. Some sadly never awaken to their deeper potential for self-knowledge, intimacy, expressions of feeling and knowing love. Maybe you know someone like this. Or, maybe it’s you. Maybe you’re dead inside and don’t even know it.

“Some people die at 25 and aren’t buried until 75.”
Benjamin Franklin


Bryant McGill

Bryant McGill is a human potential thought leader, international bestselling author, activist, and social entrepreneur.

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