Self-Forgiveness — The Ultimate Act Of Love!

Forgiving yourself is an important act of moving forward and releasing yourself from the past.

Forgiving yourself is in many ways more difficult than forgiving others.

All of us yearn for the freedom to live without guilt, shame or sadness. Some people are afraid to forgive themselves because they fear who they would be without the anger, resentment and vulnerability. Many people actually define their entire existence in terms of what they did years, or even decades ago! Is it possible they want their entire life to become a shrine to one painful event? Why? What is the emotional payoff for that? If we let all that go, do we lose a part of ourselves?

When you are in an emotional state of shame, self-hatred and pain you are being ruled by your ego mind.

We can only be in one state at any given moment, either in a state of fear or a state of love. The ego, once developed to protect you as child now runs amok in fear creating stories about what a bad person you are for what you did. It creates a continuing loop, and each time you relive the event in your mind, the neural pathways that were created become deeper and stronger, so it is easier to “fall back” into that thought and feeling. It poisons your mind, your heart, your body, and your life, and often the lives of those around you.

Before long, you view everything through that filter and your vision, your thoughts, and your emotional processes are so poisoned that the only thing you can see, think, or feel is pain, shame, resentment, and disappointment.

When you're carrying around a sense of blame for something that has happened in the past, this bundle of negativity burrowing deep into yourself can cause a never-ending, pervasive sense of unhappiness. You cannot function properly if you resent yourself. Your relationships, your work, your physical health and your emotional well-being are all likely to suffer significantly if you are in a state of unresolved conflict with yourself. Being bitter against your own soul for the mistakes of your past will lead to self-loathing, reduced self-esteem and lack of self-worth.

Forgiving yourself is an important act of moving forward and releasing yourself from the past.

Self-forgiveness is an act of self-love. It's also a way of protecting your health and general well-being and opening your heart. We all affected by perfectionism on some level, whether identified as overt or covert, an unrealistic expectation of oneself, that one should never fail. Self-forgiveness helps the perfectionist within us move from unrealistic expectations to more realistic expectations. Stop punishing yourself. Yes, you made a mistake, but you are human. Accept your vulnerabilities and faults. There is no need to keep replaying the mistake each day in your head. Grieve. It's important to mourn the loss of unmet expectations and the loss the offense has brought.

If you're stuck in a spiral of self-hate and never feeling good enough because of things that were once said to you or you said to hurt someone, self-forgiveness is essential. Let go of other people's expectations for you. You have no control over what other people do and say. Sometimes people do and say things unconsciously that most likely have been motivated by the other person's own shortcomings. Living your life in self-loathing because you don't feel you lived up to someone else's expectations is giving your power away to another, remaining hostage and bound to them. Once you start to forgive yourself and practice self-compassion daily it will bring about a corrected self-image, one in which you feel secure and worthy as you accept your imperfections as well as the imperfections of others.

Withholding forgiveness requires a lot of energy.

Wouldn't you rather use that energy to live in the present instead of staying stuck reliving the past? Wouldn't you prefer to live in the “now,” enabling you to move towards a more vibrant, happy future with a renewed sense of purpose, focusing on change, improvement and self-love? The choice always lies within your grasp, but it's up to YOU to reach out and choose to make the decision to forgive yourself or ask for forgiveness. 

Sometimes we hold the erroneous belief that forgiving ourselves too easily removes the consequences of our behaviors or even condones it. Instead however, self-forgiveness assists us in facing the reality and impact of our behavior, which hurt others and ourselves and which urges us to make amends & restitution. Self-forgiveness helps us become responsible and accountable for ourselves.

Asking for forgiveness is a noble act.

It is an acknowledgement that you hurt someone and it makes it easier for the forgiver to forgive. Yes it does take courage to admit your role in the situation, but at the same time it reduces the shame and guilt you carry. It takes a burden away, but this is only the first step. If you really want to be forgiven by the person that you hurt, just apologizing is not enough. You have to try to right the wrong. A little effort can go a long way. While nothing can undo an unfortunate experience, making amends counts. It might help the injured party feel like you are doing something and it can go a long way to helping a person get over the wound, forgive and move on.

Forgiving oneself does not mean we forget what we have done.

It is one of the greatest acts of self-love to learn. Why? Because the ego will not vanish over night. Our past ‘story’ will not vanish over night. And when we feel comfortable, happy and healed, the ego can come sneaking on in so cunningly and throw us right back to where we never wanted to go again. It will happen. It’s inevitable.

We learn from it. The memories will always be there.

When we make the decision to love ourselves by letting go we open the door to healing, allowing our painful feelings to flow through us and to be worked through. It is then the emotional healing aspect of the process of Self-Forgiveness begins.  Self-Forgiveness is a must-have in everyone’s toolkit. When you self-forgive, you are self-loving…and this my dear, takes you to the home that resides in your heart.


Di Riseborough

Di Riseborough is quickly becoming known as ‘The F-Word Specialist’. As a Fear & Forgiveness specialist, she helps you become consciously aware of what fears are driving your decisions in life, and assists you in making positive changes and better choices.

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MichelleRubina fazalNicholas J CobosJo DavisBarbara Vercruysse Recent comment authors
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Wow I can relate to this article I once was so bitter I forget to love and forgive myself which kept me in that horrible spiraling trapped unworthy sence self love and forgiveness to our mistakes do heal and open doors back up again I had to forgive thing people didn’t apologies for which is so hard but I realised I’m always going to be with me not them I dersve some peace and freedom so I stud back had a heartly talk to myself thankfully I pulled though that stage now I don’t point fingers I made me better instead thank you for sharing its extremely helpful also I’ve got recap at how not to fall back down into that category again god bless you for all you do for your guidance love and support and knowledge

Robina fazal

Thanks…DiRiseborough💖💐for a beautiful and worthful article on forgiveness.. Absolutely forgiveness primarly important for our Souls ease and our lives moral ,spiritual,Social all activities to run smoothly ,Stable ,with confidence and positive energy…So we can love ourselves more ,can carry on our life with enthuiasum..peace of soul,mind and body…Yeah it’s not so easy to forgive ourselves for our mistakes and to Let go our past and to forgive the people who love ,care and respect but because of their grudges,illnesses,weaknesses and own benefits hurt us at times and cause us panic..they from heart not so bad..Their purposes are to make use of our capacities and capabilities to run their life safe..they take refuge in our sensitive.. big heart..they feel relaxed that we are caring and helping them purely with out demanding…They want us to devote our lives for them..although they know our desires ,wishes capacities….They feel we are their property..their wealth..The Gold Sparrow.. They gave us comforters.. positive good life…but not letting that Sparrow Sung her Songs in the meadows ,in the valleys with her full full of desires to be in nature,to be close to gain her Sinlge breath relaxed and fresh.. to roam about and be in the life’s blessings to achieve her passions and to love herself more and to spread her love every where with intention to ease souls.. so her life gain real purpose and strength..She the Bird..She the Sparrow hurt some time those people who she love and care but at once feels guilt and asks for forgiveness…and sorry as She can’t tolerate hearts to feel pain..So She takes their pains and pressed and respect and love them more…Yeah She have to forgive her self for some of her Mistakes She did in her past life that cause pain in her heart as She Didn’t mean to do that mistakes but loneliness…Unfullfilent ..anger..worry.. let her Soul and mind free for some times ..She felt ease in the recreation hours..and did some beautiful mistakes.. that let her heart soothing but her Soul in pain…She tried all are life not to be so free relaxed..that any mistake can be made..As She supposed to sacrifice her Soul for good purposes to care her family ,her relations in best ways even they don’t understand She is s Soul sensitive who’s seeking for love and beloved.. She have to work hard and be positive and productive ..So to do these works..She have to forgive the mistakes she made not because those mistakes were bad or blunder..they cause pain and ache because those mistakes gave her temporary happiness…Peace and love..but She can’t linger them on…you may think it’s ridiculous..why She’s saying those were mistakes.. mistakes are mistakes..😀😉Ha.Ha.aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa it’s another phase of life…that we have to be some time forgive any good loving sensation in our hearts to be more a strong and healthy Human being.. Love yourself and’s life…..Amen

Nicholas J Cobos

Yes! A good friend once told me that, forgiveness is for YOU not for them. Forgiveness is your way to personal peace but it’s not a get out of jail free card for them. It just means you are going to accept what is and…well..not play a part in the story or game anymore.

Jo Davis

I love the simplicity of this article! Thank you for reminding us that even when we have hurt others, continuing to spin that story just hurts us more. Allowing others the opportunity to forgive us, the act of doing this regardless of the outcome is so very kind. It is all a part of owning a new beautiful story. Well done Di Riseborough!

Barbara Vercruysse

Thank you so much for this beautiful article!!! Sharing on my page <3


Indeed! We faced in a situation sometimes its not easy to way out. But still we face the fear. Forgiving and forgetting is the the way for our lives. Its not easy but we must. I have also some issues of forgiving myself. Its time for me to let go of the things that I can’t control. Thnks fr the lovely message and its inspires me a lot.

Stephan O'Leary
Stephan O'Leary

Why am I forgiving myself I was a victim it started before I could even walk. They used to put Whiskey in my baby bottle I was probably an alcoholic before I could talk this is no joke a very sad story one that I have lived with for 53 years being passed around like candy being molested by family members until I was 13 when I ran away never looked back. Almost daily sometimes several times a day the Gory details I probably shouldn’t share just yet I thought I did pretty well forgiving everyone. But I think you’re right I will have probably some kind of closier. Messed me up so bad that I had seizures. It’s starting to really get to me I’ll have to get back to you on this. Please try and understand. What I will say is when it starts that young you don’t know if it’s bad or good you don’t know if it’s love or hate it’s just something that happens. When you start to figure out how horrible it really is. It’s very frightening you become consumed with escaping. I’m stopping for now it gets painful

Tiffany Newsome
Tiffany Newsome

Self – Love is the best kind of love there is!

Lalie Nieto
Lalie Nieto

Self FORGIVENESS generally comes easy for me but it becomes tougher when i know that there are people who still holds a grudge against me or are still condemning me. But tough as it seems, it is imperative to give this special gift to oneself otherwise you won’t be able to move on. No matter what is happening around You, be extra gentle, compassionate and loving to yourself, flaws and all. And of course, learn from your lessons and strive to correct them. And in case you fall into a relapse, just pick up the pieces again. Just keep on forgiving yourself no matter what. “People make mistakes not because the are bad, because they are human”-SR 🤗
Thank you Di, Bryant and Jenni 💕🦋 Sharing this 😍

Diane Hawthorne
Diane Hawthorne

The only way to grow is to forgive yourself for each and every bad decision you have made. You don’t have to forget because those decisions made you who you are today. This is no easy feat, but with conscience effort you can move on. I’ve been there done that and have the tee shirt. I use my bad decisions as examples for others to demonstrate that what you see is work in progress.