GrowthPosts

On the Battlefield of Life at Rock Bottom there is Still a Promise of Hope

Something deep inside of me had awoken and was warning me I would not survive if I continued.

When I was younger, I walked around in a storm, constantly plagued by worry and stress.

I carried so much unresolved anger and unhealed pain that the world felt like a battlefield. I was constantly on guard, ready for confrontation, ready to fight. My mind raced a million miles a minute. I had no peace; I had no reprieve. My constant state of angst left me on edge like a ticking time bomb. I was ready to go off at any moment and with the slightest prompting. I was volatile and violent.

It was taxing to live like this. It was so hard to cope with this never-ending state of anxiety. I had a very hard time enjoying anything. In fact, life, for the most part, felt like torture. It became a struggle to just make it through the day.

No matter what I did, I couldn’t seem to get away from the negative thoughts in my head.

At that time in my life, I made some very poor choices. I turned to drugs as an answer to my problems. I thought that if I could just quiet my mind for a little while, if I could just have a break from it all, maybe I could be, maybe I would be OK. I kept chasing that numbing. I went deeper and deeper. I lost control, and I lost my footing in reality.

I woke up one day after having been high again for days on end. I was severely underweight. I had stopped looking after myself completely. I woke up to the reality that I was reaching an end.

Something deep inside of me had awoken and was warning me I would not survive if I continued on like this. I knew.

Everyone in my life at that time was leading a similar lifestyle to the one I was. There was no one to turn to. I had no healthy relationships. I had no support system. I had no family to turn to. I had been swallowed by my lifestyle. I didn’t know what to do, or how to do it. All I knew was, that if I continued, it would be the end for me. 


That day I decided to stop using all drugs. Everything.

I had no idea how addicted or sick I was. I did not know how dangerous it was to just “quit.” I did not realize until I started hitting withdrawal. I had never gone long enough without to realize what it would be like. It was one of the worst and scariest experiences I have ever been through. Shaking, shivering, sweating, in fetal position, passing in and out of consciousness between vomiting and defecating myself. It was grotesque. I wasn’t sure if I would survive it.

I don’t remember all that happened, but I do remember having an awakening as to how my addiction was, how out of control it had gotten. I was fairly certain that I could only go through this once. I knew if I gave in, if I didn’t keep going, it was very likely I would never have the courage to try again.

Somehow, I don’t know how, I made it through.

I felt really awful for a long time. I had no energy. I cried all the time. I slept all the time. I couldn’t cope with anything, not even the simplest of tasks. I kept away from anyone and everything as much as I possibly could. I spent the majority of my time in solitude.

I started to think about things. My life, my choices, the person I had become, and how I was living my life. I started thinking about change, the possibility of change. I started thinking about the future. I had a very difficult time finding any optimism. I didn’t know how to live. How to be. How to change. How to change my thinking.

This is where it all started for me. This was my rock bottom.

Rock bottom is where I slowly began collecting myself. I made a promise to myself to just do my best every day. It didn’t need to turn out. It didn’t need to be perfect. I just had to honestly, no excuses, try my best. I was determined to find change. I was determined to be a better person. I was determined to rise above my past. 


I began to advocate for myself.

I looked for anything that might help me. I began learning. I read anything I could get my hands on to that might give me insight or answers. I came across cognitive-behavioral self-therapy. It changed my life. This was the beginning of my journey into the realm of self-development. Since then, I have never stopped learning. I never intend to stop learning or working on my own self-development.

Seeing first hand the impact it has had on my life. I feel compelled to share whatever I have learned, whatever I understand, with others in hopes that it might also help them. It is my great hope to help others.

To this day, I still keep that promise to try my best each and every day.

I don’t attach to the outcome; I don’t build expectation. I don’t try and match an ideal of perfection. All I do is try my best, with what I have, with who I am, with how I am.

It has served me very well. Today, I am still working on myself; I still have work ahead of me. But, I have my life together. I’ve changed a lot. I’m a different person, leading a different lifestyle, following a different path. I no longer carry around that angst and negativity. I no longer feel like I am in a fight with the world. I have found and grown a peace inside of me. A peace I cultivate and grow every day. A peace I carry into every moment. A peace no one can take away.

Change is possible. A better life is possible.

The first step is believing. The second is acting. You don’t have to achieve everything overnight. You just have to be willing to try. One day at a time. Just keep trying. Keep believing. Advocate for yourself. Seek help for yourself. Improve the quality of your thoughts. Improve the quality of your life. It will require work, a commitment, and consistent effort, but it’s worth it. It’s worth everything. Love yourself enough to make a better choice for yourself.

One choice at a time. One moment at a time. Don’t worry about the past or the future.

Just deal with the moment, the now. Do the best you can and leave it at that. Don’t attach to the outcome. Remember your intention. Let that bring you solace even on the most difficult of days. Learn to forgive yourself. Learn to be kinder to yourself. Step by step. Little by little. You’ll grow stronger. You’ll grow your courage. You’ll step into your power.

I believe in you.

Tags

Akiroq Brost

Akiroq is a Human Potential Inspirational writer, who has a passion for helping others explore and harness the extraordinary potential that lies within each and every one of us.

Related Articles

124
Leave a Reply

avatar
51 Comment threads
73 Thread replies
3 Followers
 
Most reacted comment
Hottest comment thread
59 Comment authors
Akiroq BrostMary aloiseGing AbelaJo FranklinGediminas Recent comment authors
  Subscribe  
newest oldest most voted
Notify of
Mary aloise
Guest
Mary aloise

Just recently i decided to just. Put god first in my day and then
Just do the best i could every single day. So far it’s working.

Ging Abela
Guest
Ging Abela

Such an inspiring share. Thank you so much.

Jo Franklin
Member

Thank you for a unguarded look at your journey that brought you to where you are today. I APPRECIATE you sharing a part of yourself and the help that it has offered to so many. It has given me such a helpful perspective of self advocacy, discipline and a desire to do your best. Much love to you!

Kathykforeman2
Member

That was a beautiful and inspiring article. Thank you. My son was an addict for many years and it was very difficult for the entire family. Last year I witnessed a miracle, he quit all drugs and turned to his faith and totally changed his life. He also quit cigarettes and since January 1st of this year hasn’t had even a sip of alcohol! He has a full time job since last summer and most importantly has found a church home and has become “on fire” ( his words) for the Lord. It has been a wonderful thing for all of us to witness and I thank God every night. He has asked us all for forgiveness for his past and I couldn’t be prouder. Thank you for sharing your story, I’m sure it will help someone else.

Brooke Lillith
Member

Ohhhhh Akiroq – I’m sitting here bawling my eyes out, covered in chills precious goddess. This article is simply brilliant beyond all words. I recognized my past self in every word and space in between, and everything you shared resonated right at my heart and soul and touched me at the deepest core level. SO powerful. I don’t even have words my love – I am just so grateful that both of us chose LIFE!!! We have truly gone from living in Hell to cultivating Heaven on Earth, and I am so beyond proud of you and inspired by you soul sister. Your growth is astounding. Your journey is astounding. YOU are astounding!!! You are a Warrior Queen in every way, and you are, and will continue, to help and heal SO many through sharing your story with all of its raw truth and beautiful divine wisdom. This line in particular touched me SO deeply – “Remember your intention. Let that bring you solace even on the most difficult of days. Learn to forgive yourself. Learn to be kinder to yourself. Step by step. Little by little. You’ll grow stronger. You’ll grow your courage. You’ll step into your power.” So. Much. Truth. Thank you so much for sharing your gifts angel. I love you SO MUCH!!!! <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

Makayla
Guest
Makayla

Your story is truly touching I never had to deal with drugs or recovery in my life but I’ve had friends that have been a part of my life. So just know that you did wonderful thing for yourself & others! God loves you & wants the best for you, so keep following his plan for you! May God Bless you always! Keep going strong girl! ❤️

noureddine
Member

thanks
i couldnt find many words if i wanted to talk about my life and self too.and may be just because it is common in most hummans.the exception is mine perhaps is more complicated little bit.sometimes you cant say what belongs to the devine and what to the human and what belongs to me as one and only.without doubt your ideas are clear and thanks for sharing. i dont know from where did i get a lot of negative thoughts.i am weak and strong at the same time.a lot of opposites.what else.the picture of your journey is beautiful and good.congratulations and thanks again.

Tracey
Guest
Tracey

I have been struggling with Depression all of my life,I have been to a lot of Therapists and nothing seems to be working,I just want to get rid of the negative thoughts feelings that are plaguing my life,I just want to be happy.

Mandy Fall
Guest
Mandy Fall

Thank you for the great read! I just celebrated 4 years sober and it is definitely not an easy thing to do. For me rock bottom was losing people I loved most and realizing if I kept going I would soon have no one. Today I have repaired most those relationships and it such a gift to not take those around me for granted ❤

Jeannie
Guest
Jeannie

I’m so proud of you! You are a very brave and strong woman! It takes courage to acknowledge our weaknesses and even more to get help for and face them. Way to go!!! You are a beautifully brave soul and an inspiration. God bless you!!!
I’ve been in the same process for a year and a half now, building myself and my life back up through various methods, from various causes…I still have a bit to go…one step and one day at a time. The thing that has helped me more than anything is acknowledging the role God has played in my life instead of allowing myself to play God and deem myself unworthy. In addition to all the beautiful souls that were there to assist in getting me to that point. We are all children of God and once we understand that, he will leads us to the help we need, provides the strength to endure and I have faith that he will see me through to victory. He blessed me with so many beautiful souls along the way that its impossible to deny his assistance. One thing that assists me now, seeing as how I’m stubborn and have to do things the hard way, in order to stay focused on the positives and where I am headed and what I have learned throughout this process is an inspiration board. Cheapest inspirational tool ever…… some old magazines, a piece of poster board and some glue sticks. Create the life you want with the words, pictures or whatever inspiration you can find in the old magazines. God bless all of the beautifully brave women that have spoke up!!!