Trauma looks like Drama. You either Fear it or Handle it properly.
Fear kills the possiblity for Joy & Freedom. Feeding into the inner desire to survive, naturally your problem solving solution is to disassociate from the the source of fear. The fear grows exponentially. Now, it has infected witnesses with the fear of rejection steming from the display of abandonment from someone they love.
This now threatens the needs for power (significance), Love & belonging (tribe connection). The ultimate threat is then triggered to the core of all humans; survival. Fight, flight, & freeze has whipped into high gear shutting down all communication with logic, facts and data. The mind is racing and referencing every conversation and interaction with that person. At the same time, deciphering how close they are to also being disconnected from the tribe. This threat may create self-sibotaging behaviors such as attacking tribe members who they feel have misrepresented them and in an effort to defend their character, creating absolute chaos; for what? Something they witnessed.
What do they now fear from your fear?
The fear of abandonment, the fear of neglect, the fear of rejection, the fear of character assassination, the fear of harm or death.
The Assassination of Love.
That is the toxic thread of trauma and secondary trauma.
In my opinion, Shame Resilience is the freedom to control the fear rather than allowing the fear to control us. Self preservation of our five basic needs (William Glasser), protects us from those in trauma.
Fear grows like a harvest when you trim. So be the farmer not the vine when your tribe is full of fear. Own your role in cultivating fear.
When we neglect and abandon our own healing to avoid the trauma our trauma infects everyone that loves us.
As a first responder, teacher, public service or parent, It is critical to know when your help is creating trauma in someone already in crisis. Other people are meant to help. Trust in your colleagues to help them. Stepping away can be an act of love. They need to hear from others what you have been saying, is true. The tribe is about cooperation not competition. Let your colleagues handle it.
When professionals “do their work”, what a shift in our society.
A society that is so off course right now. Cheering for the murder of babies, children being terrorized with mass shooting drills in schools, the list goes on. What are we doing here people?
If my dog poops in your yard, I wont be offended if you put up a fence. Boundaries are an act of self-respect. Be kind to your neighbor and boundaries wont be an issue.
Love not Fear. 2 different worlds.