The Happiness Barometer
What if our personal happiness was our only real purpose? Imagine your world where you were happy and content. How would it look and feel for you?
Lately many of my clients had been on similar paths where they wished to change the sameness and drudgery in their lives. They felt their sense of joy had waned, and life had become without purpose and meaning. They often found their happiness was based on others and how others made them feel.
Dr Wayne Dyer states in his movie, The Shift, “There is no way to happiness, happiness is the way.”
Real happiness sparks the joy in our life and is sustainable. Secondary happiness is when we delight in others or require others to make us happy, and that is momentary and not sustainable.
So how do we step into our happiness?
1. We stop searching outside of ourselves for gratifications and relying on others to make us happy.
2. We reflect and write down what brings us joy and insert those things into our lives.
3. We practice gratitude daily and if required three times per day. It’s the simplest gratitudes such as; the comfortable bed we lay in at night, the food on our table, natures beauty. Once acknowledged we can draw from that energy to ignite our happiness.
4. We appreciate the small wins and anticipate with a grateful heart.
5. We listen to our words and ensure they are loving and in alignment with our intention.
6. We set healthy boundaries; We are important! It’s healthy to say ‘no’. When we are consistent others will respect them.
7. We prioritise time for reflection and self-care.
8. We practice acceptance, acknowledgement, kindness and compassion for ourselves and others.
Some years ago, I facilitated a men’s stress management workshop. I remembered all eight men had attended after being coerced by their wives. They were aged from their early thirties to mid-forties and a seventy-year-old. In fact, this man was dropped off by his wife to ensure he came.
It was a wonderful afternoon once the men settled down and realised they could be themselves and I wasn’t going to drill them or preach to them or tell their wives what had been shared that day.
During that day there were many breakthroughs. In fact, I remembered saying to my son before advertising the workshop. “Who am I being a woman to run a men’s workshop?” He stated in his wise young years. “Because mum, men love to lock horns they can’t help it. It’s built in. Being a woman changes the dynamic.” I thought about it, and he made sense.
Then, considered my expertise and experience as the primary breadwinner majority of my life. I knew how it felt to be in the male role as well as the female role. Surprisingly, that’s what created the many light bulb moments for these stressed-out men because I could authentically share stories and strategies. AND I knew how a woman felt, and could describe how these men acted and behaved in their communication with their wives, which created lots of laughter, and head nods. A very successful afternoon was had.
Then, a week later I met one of the wives who approached me angrily saying, “I’ve been telling him such and such for years. He comes to your workshop and comes home enlightened and happy as if hearing it for the first time.” I looked at her and said, “So tell me what did you say to him?” Indignantly she stated, “I told him off of course.” Hmm, I stopped for a moment and then said, “So how did he react when you told him off?” She said, “He went back to doing what he’d always done which really REALLY annoyed me.”
Honestly, I didn’t blame him. He really needed to do this for himself for his own personal happiness, and it was secondary to please his wife. It wasn’t enough for him to do it for another because that was not sustainable, and in this case, appreciated.
So, the moral to my story is; happiness is the outcome when we are empowered, in our heart, and true to ourselves. The rest will take care of itself.