Laura E Keefeoffline

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  • Sarah Willoughby wrote a new post 1 month ago

    Grief Has No Manners

    Death comes to us all.
    It’s the only certainty in the craziness of life, and the one thing that connects us. No matter what we look like, where we live, how often we meditate or work out, at some stage,…

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    • I certainly can relate to the many stages of grief. I didn't know how to handle the grief of my dearest friend many years ago. We never forget but our hearts can heal.

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    • Thanks Prabhakar, Sarah x

    • I'm so sorry Sarah – and thank you for putting words on the feelings in my heart. Beautiful article. xo

    • Good morning Thanks for caring

    • I so related to this article and indeed grief can come on even after a person has passed years ago at the most out of the blue moments. And the tears come…still…

      • Yes the tears are still there years later, I think they often come at the most inopportune time x Thank you for sharing Mona, much love to you, Sarah x

    • My pleasure Chandy. Thanks for taking the time to comment, with love, Sarah x

    • I lost my husband (51yo) and my brother (53yo) within a span of three months. A year later I lost my little sister (47yo). If it was a beautiful day, I did not notice. If the birds were singing, I couldn't hear them. I cried every day and was in darkness for years, literally, just floating through life. My joy was gone. Slowly, after about five years, the veil of grief began to lift. Every day was a little better. It's been nearly 15 years now and I am so much better, though there are days where I feel like it just happened. I miss them all so much that my heart aches. At the same time, I know I'm living proof that life DOES get better after experiencing so much grief.

      Thank you for your article.

      • Hi Kaye, thank you for sharing your life with us. I am so sorry for all your loss, I cannot begin to imagine what you went through and what you still cope with 💚. You have such strength and are an inspiration to us all, thank you. May life bless you with an abundance of happiness as you hold your loved ones and your memories close in your heart. Much love, Sarah xx

    • Thank you for sharing Sandra, I am so sorry for your loss 💚. I can’t imagine how it feels to lose someone you have spent 40 years with, I hope you are surrounded by love and support. I totally understand, there is an emptiness but you still feel them all around you. I hope time and the memories you shared together are healing. Much love to you, take care, Sarah x

    • Thank you Sarah. Certainly more lines of communication should be open about the experience of loss. It does not matter how well we can make sense of the logic … it’s the feelings that need to be shared without fear.
      Just lost Mom and Dad … your article is timely for me.
      Much ❤️ love… for it is our only true reality.

      • Oh Melissa, I am so very sorry to hear that you have recently lost your Mom and Dad. I am thinking of you and sending much love and healing. Look after yourself during this sad and difficult time, I hope you have the support around you that you need ❤️, love Sarah x

        • Thank you Sarah … They had two strong , wonderful grandsons of whom they were extremely close. One being my boy whom has just started his first year of college. I am praying that this grief does not take a destructive toll on them, more than anything. 💓🙏🏼

    • This is a great article Sarah. After my father passed I went through much of the same emotions and range of emotions. Everyone can and should be allowed to grieve differently. The best way to help someone who's in mourning or grieving is not to be a leader to take them somewhere. Instead, be a Listener and supporter and just BE there for them.

      • Thanks for taking the time to comment Nicholas, I’m sorry for the loss of your father x You are so right, just being there for someone makes a world of difference. Thanks for sharing your advice on this sensitive subject, I know it will help many people. Take care, Sarah x

    • Bless you Anne, thank you for sharing your story with us. I am so very sorry for your loss. The loss of a child, particularly under such traumatic circumstances is absolutely heartbreaking. Yes suicide touches and changes the lives of so many people. I’m glad you have reached out for support and I hope Liza finds the right support when she is ready. Just being there for her and her knowing that you have sought help will help her heal xx Sending you so much love and healing Anne, thank you again, Sarah x

    • Hey everyone…how are you doing today..death is something we can't get over so easy..whether near or far apart..I recently lose my mama( an old lady friend) she was the love of my life..I have not over nothing yet, my tears are flowing..my prayers and love are with her and when I complete the cremated…then mama and I will be at peace…life is about loving someone and giving them your best..God gives and take, so many questions to ask…but god's timing is best..if we can only give part of us to bring back our loved ones…I will have mama again…I thank you god for my strength and keeping me whole..

      • Hi Sherry, thanks for sharing with us. I’m sorry for the loss of your mama x Sending love and healing, I hope the cremation will help you find some closure. Blessings to you, Sarah xx

    • Hi Julie, thank you for taking the time to share such a vulnerable part of your life. Just by doing this you have already helped so many other people. I’m glad you have found support through grief counselling and this is helping you to understand and move through your grief. I love that you have talked so openly to your children about your wishes and that you have encouraged them to express their grief, this is so important. Sending you much love and healing Julie and thanks again for sharing what has helped you, Sarah x

    • Hi Robert, thank you for sharing this with us. I am so sorry for the loss of your wife. Suicide is devastating and as you say leaves so many unanswered questions. I hope you are receiving support from those around you at this difficult time. Take care, Sarah x

    • Hi Brenda, thank you for sharing your life with us. Yes the heartache is hard, and as you say, remembering the things we did together but also those we never got to experience. By sharing you have already helped so many other people, thank you ❤️. Sending much love and healing to you, Sarah x

    • Hi Wren, I am so very sorry to hear about your son’s very recent passing, it’s such a hard thing to deal with x I’m glad you have a good support system, that will be invaluable over the forthcoming months and years. Sending you lots of love and healing 💚Thank you again for being vulnerable and sharing this with us. Love Sarah x

    • Hi Lauryn, thank you for being so open and sharing the loss of Ryan with us. I’m glad you are doing okay now, but I know there will be days when you still fall apart 💚. People ignore us because they don’t know what to say and I think that has also been the hardest thing for me too. Thank you for encouraging others to be there for those who are grieving, it is such an important message that needs to be shared far and wide. Although you will never forget the love of your life, I wish you much love and happiness in your new relationship and life x Thanks again for sharing with us Lauryn, you’ve helped so many others, Sarah x

    • Hi Otilia, I’m sorry for your loss of your husband x Thank you for sharing and offering support to Sandra 💚. Love to you, Sarah x

    • Hi Lori, thank you for sharing with us, I am so very sorry for the loss of your beautiful Mum and the circumstances surrounding her death. If you haven’t had grief counselling I would highly recommend it, it has helped all my family immensely xx Forgiving yourself will help with the grief and help you heal, it wasn’t your fault and you couldn’t have changed the situation xx Please reach out for support at this difficult time Lori. Much love and healing, Sarah x

    • Hi Linda, I am so sorry for the loss of your son, Michael, and the circumstances surrounding his death xx Sending much love and healing to you and your family, Sarah xx

    • Hi Dana, thank you for sharing with us. I am sorry for the loss of your best friend and husband’s parents. I’m sorry you didn’t get to say goodbye to them x You’re right, they will know how much you miss them. Be gentle with yourself, and as you say, take it minute by minute if you have to. Thanks again for sharing. Sending you much love and healing, Sarah xx

    • Absolutely Lauryn ❤️ Talk about it, write about it and keep sharing your message far and wide, Sarah x

    • Death is most definitely the most sadest situation! Complete emptiness inside, the heart has been broken in a million pieces! The darkest cloud has covered the Sun forever! Darkness is now the ruler! Desperate tears fall down soo very heavy like a rainstorm! How on earth can I be happy again! When we believe in God, the Sun will shine brighter and our beautiful loved Ones will take the best place in our hearts and our memory forever! Infinite Gratitude, lovely Sarah for your sooo very special article! 🙏🙏🙏

      • Hi Angeliki, thanks for taking the time to comment on this and share with us. Wishing you much happiness for the future, with love and gratitude, Sarah x

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    • Hi Wren, I am so very sorry to hear about your son’s very recent passing, it’s such a hard thing to deal with x I’m glad you have a good support system, that will be invaluable over the forthcoming months and years. Sending you lots of love and healing to help with the numbness and to move out of the twilight zone 💚 Thank you again for being vulnerable and sharing this with us. Love Sarah x

    • Hi Susan, thanks for talking about your grief, I’m so sorry for the loss of your partner. Animals are amazing healers, I’m glad to hear your dog has helped you through your grief x My cat is lying next to me as I type this :). Sending you much love and healing, Sarah x

    • Hi Donna, thanks for joining the conversation, I’m sorry to hear you lost what you wrote. If you get chance I would love you to resend it 🙂 Good to hear that the church helped you through your grief x Much love and healing to you, Sarah x

    • Hi Melissa, thanks for sharing and I’m sorry to hear of the loss of your mother x Sometimes we need to try different therapists until we find the right one, I know this has been my experience. Horses are so sensitive, they are such great healers. My cat is lying next to me as I type this message, she has been an amazing support for me 🙂 Sending much love and healing and I hope things get much easier for you soon, Sarah x

    • Hi Pamela, thanks for sharing with us. I’m so sorry to hear you have recently lost your husband x I understand your fear. Sending much love, healing and strength as you take the next steps in your life, Sarah x

    • Hi Daniel, thank you for joining the conversation and sharing your insight with us. I’m glad my article resonates with you and yes I can imagine before technology it would be much easier to forget the face and voice of our loved ones, I’ve never thought about this before. Best wishes to you and thanks again, Sarah x

    • You are right…. Nobody wants to talk about death though it is an inevitable end for everybody

      • Hi Atilla, yes unfortunately this is the case. By talking about it here we are helping to change that 🙂. Blessings to you, Sarah x

    • Hi Sandra, lovely to hear from you again. Creativity helps us connect with ourselves so I love that you have made your poster, how beautiful 😊. Thank you for telling me about it. When we follow our heart (which you’re doing), not our head, it will always be the right thing to do x Blessings to you too, Sarah x

    • Hi Lisa, thanks for sharing with us. I am sorry for the loss of your parents, that must have been tough. And yes, our pets have very special places in our hearts too. Sending you love and healing, Sarah x

    • Hi Kamala, thanks for taking the time to comment. Blessings to you, Sarah x

    • Hi Rowie, I’m so sorry to hear your Mum has passed recently, it must have been a shock. Trust that your Mum is still with you and watching out for you. Love and healing to you Rowie, Sarah x

    • Hi Sheela, I understand. Take one day at a time and try to put you first whenever you can. Wishing you all the best, Sarah x

    • Thanks Prabhakar, Sarah x

    • Hi Arthur, thanks for sharing with us. I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your father, mum and sister. All very tough situations to work through, I hope you have found some support to help with the grief. Sending you much love and healing, Sarah x

    • Hi Mary, thanks for sharing with us. I am so sorry for the loss of your son, that must have been a huge shock. I’m glad you have your beautiful animals to support you x Sending much love and healing, Sarah x

    • Hi Laura, thanks for sharing with us, this is great advice for anybody who is grieving. Best wishes to you, Sarah x

    • Sorry for your tragic loss, and thank you for being brave enough to share it with us all. I realise that my message is rather long, regards the grief state. I can relate to your story. Grief was like a terrible illness for me, mentally and physically, as it is for most, I would imagine. I hid away, going through all the processes. I waited until it was dark on a Winter’s afternoon before I would go out, if I did go out. My perception of death changed, in a way that it showed me how fragile life could be, as with my Mother, it was just like blowing out a candle. She died suddenly. I never got to say goodbye or sorry or I love you. I never knew what happened to her in her last moments, I was at work. I had chatted with her the night before, and she seemed fine. Next day I got an unusual call to go to the office at work. My Mum was dead. I’ve been ill since that day, with constant minor and major illnesses. She did say a couple of days before that she didn’t feel great, but this was nothing unusual and there were viruses going around, but she managed to go out on the Saturday morning, and was ok, then she was dead on Sunday morning…. no real warnings. I beat myself up, felt awfully guilty because I never noticed or paid attention to any warning signs. She seemed healthy enough, apart from what was thought to be the onset of a cold or virus. I don’t have any advice for anyone really, as we are all in different circumstances, family dynamics, and unique in how we handle loss of a loved one. All I would say is do what you feel will ease the journey through grief, get help if you need it, release emotional pain, don’t be scared to talk about the person, or not. Pain changes us, and sometimes we have to accept this or we can fight through it. I think people know themselves what way of coping lis best for themselves. One thing I have noticed though is, lots of people appear from nowhere and surround you with flowers, hugs, offer condolences, and visit you, then when you need a friend a few weeks or months later, they are all gone! Some people would avoid me, as they didn’t want to get involved in any conversation about my Mother. They couldn’t be bothered stopping for a chat. They thought I was going to drag them into my world of grief and sorrow, when all I needed was a friendly face to say “hello”. I was an only child and a single parent, my Father was there but was abusive towards me, so that’s what I mean about family dynamics being different. I observed that the people who managed their grief better were people with a wide network of good family and friends, or even just one or two really supportive people to carry them over the rough days. There are places I no longer go, people I closed doors on, I’m still scared of dying, as I don’t know how I will leave this world. I can’t turn round and talk about stuff to my Mum, she is no longer beside me in the physical realm. I do worry about death in the way that I would be leaving my precious Son behind to cope on his own. He is grown up now, and does have his own family unit, but I’m scared to leave him. To say “ time heals”, creates a doubt in my mind. Everyone says it and all the old cliche’s come out when someone dies, “ he/she is in a better place now, or something related to religion and angels, or a comment about the way the person passed away”. That used to get on my nerves although I knew they didn’t now what else to say, and people may have meant well. People opened my eyes, woke me up with their fake tones, actions and phrases I liked it when people gave me actual ideas about how to deal with grief, for example, place Rosemary sprigs around the room to create a calmness, or place a Crystal stone and their favourite perfume in the Coffin, set up a little altar with a picture of the person, surround it with white candles, and/or angel bell, little statues, trinkets or items that the person owned…. etc. You can create your own personal tribute to them in your own private space. Talk to them. I can’t do that, talk to a picture. I’ve tried. Another aspect of grief which scared me was, as time passed, I might forget what she really looked like, that memories would fade, things came out that I didn’t understand and I couldn’t ask my Mum if they were true or not. I used to think I had seen her in the town, but it was a trick of the mind or someone who looked similar from a distance. Everything became exaggerated, and I lost myself along the way. My Mum took a part of me when she departed to another land. I can’t visit my Mum, I don’t drive, and the place where she was cremated is too far into the Country. Right through the Funeral, a white horse appeared in the field outside, the Parlour Grounds, and after the Funeral, the horse just vanished. Only me and one other woman noticed this. That’s 12 years ago now, my Grandparents are gone years ago before my Mum. I confided in people who betrayed my trust and sorrow, therefore I no longer tell anyone anything about my Mum. The death of my Mother left a gaping wound in my heart, soul and spirit. Nothing was or will be the same. It created chaos in my mind and changed my personality for a time. I keep my thoughts and places we used to go, sacred to me. I noticed that some people be-littled my grief because my Mum was 68, like it didn’t matter that much, she was older. One thing I would say to people is to be aware of insensitive and thoughtless people, and people who tell you that your pain can’t be as bad as theirs due to the different types of death, ages and experiences. Lots of people sickened me for a long time because of their cruel comments. Grief can change us over time in some way. When I was young, it was all different. There are still vast differences in the way that individuals both deal with and cope with the profound affects it leaves you feeling. I became more spiritual, without really noticing it happen. Things began to happen that I couldn’t explain away. We all go through the stages, but not in the same order or the same way, with the same people. It made me wonder what life is all about. I started to buy stuff to fill the emptiness in my life, I bought items with the attitude that life is too short to live without a handbag etc. I’m sure everyone has their own stories about grief to tell. We are all different. I’ve known of people who just couldn’t go on after losing someone close. Don’t leave people behind to grieve on their own or keep an eye open for them, make sure they aren’t going to do anything harmful to themselves. Take care, all.

      • Thanks for sharing your experience of grief with us so fully Margo, this will have helped so many people. I’m sorry for your loss and that you didn’t get chance to say goodbye to your Mum, that’s hard x Sending you much love and healing and hope things get easier, Sarah x

        • Thank you, its very kind of you to say this. I’m so glad that you think it will help others too. Means a lot. I’m grateful to you for sharing this topic/article, which allows us to share thoughts and feelings that we wouldn’t normally feel comfortable about. Thank you

    • Hi Cloud, I’m sorry to hear about the loss of your Dad, thanks for sharing this with us. Yes grief affects us all differently. Sending love and healing, Sarah x

    • Hi Louise, thank you for sharing with us, I am sorry to hear about the death of your son Chris x Writing is very healing and a great way to express pain and thoughts, I’m glad you have found this avenue. I understand what you mean about sadness also showing us how much we love someone. Sending you love and healing as you navigate through this difficult path, Sarah x

    • Thank you Sarah, i am so sorry for your loss. I can relate in many ways, to your experience of losing your beloved father.
      It's almost 40 years since my father passed, and i still miss him every day.
      I agree, talking about our feelings during these difficult emotional times, is crucial to how well we handle, and process the experience. And of course to the healing of our heart.
      Unfortunately, talking about, and accepting my emotions, wasn't something I did back then, which ultimately led to my healing journey being much longer and more challeng, than it would have been, had i allowed myself to feel and accpt my emotions at the time.
      Sadly I have lost my mother and 2 brother's, a dear nephew, and other family members since then, and made sure I didn't make the same mistake.
      Much love. ❤

    • Hi Annette, I’m so sorry to hear of the loss of your mother and brother. Thanks for sharing the stages of grief that you moved through, I know this will be helpful for many others. Sending love and healing to you, Sarah x

    • Hi Rainy, thanks for sharing and happy to hear you your faith is helping you cope with everything life has thrown at you. Best wishes, Sarah x

    • Hi Amy, I am so sorry for the loss of your father under such difficult circumstances. Thank you for sharing with us all. I completely understand as our story is so similar. My father too had the early onset of Alzheimer’s and died 2.5 years after his diagnosis. His decline was rapid, undignified and heartbreaking to watch. One of the hardest moments as you say was when he pointed at me and asked my 9 year old son “who is that lady?” to which my son replied “that’s your daughter.” The grieving for my father also started a few years ago as each part of who he was, was slowly lost. His passing was bittersweet but I am so thankful he is now at peace, he certainly fought until the end and that was hard to watch. Sending love and healing to you and thanks again Amy, Sarah x

    • Hi Ruth, thank you for sharing with us. I am so sorry for all your losses, it must have been even harder that they were so close together. I’m glad you are able to remember the good times and laugh at your wonderful, funny memories of your time together. Sending love and healing to you Ruth, Sarah x

    • Hi Ramona, thank you for sharing with us. I am so sorry to hear of your son’s passing and the tragic circumstances surrounding this. I can’t begin to imagine how it feels, or how you manage to pick yourself up each day whilst dealing with so many unanswered questions. Sending you much love and healing, take care, Sarah x

    • Thanks for the feedback Elham, I’m glad this resonates with you. Best wishes, Sarah x

    • Hi Robyn, I've just returned from a holiday in Cairns, such a beautiful part of Australia 🙂 Thank you for sharing your thoughts with us. I am so sorry for the loss of your Dad and breakup of your marriage. Grief runs through many areas of our lives as you say. I feel until people have experienced situations personally, unfortunately it is something they often can't understand or empathise with. Some people don't realise that divorce is about grieving for what you didn't have within your relationship, as well as the lost dreams and things you will no longer have. Discomfort with divorce or divided loyalties can cause people to say nothing rather than offering a simple ‘I hope you're okay, I'm here for you'. Be gentle with yourself and trust that the right people will find their way into your life and support you through the hard days. Much love and healing to you Robyn, Sarah x

    • My pleasure Robyn, Sarah x

    • Hi Ruth, thanks for sharing with us. I am so sorry for the loss of the love of your life. Sending you much love and healing, Sarah x

    • I believe it's a different kind of pain when you lose a Mother, Father etc., vs one who is/was your Soulmate. And, that's who I lost. We knew from the beginning we were meant for one another, for it took almost 2 yrs. to finally meet. From that day, we were together for 36 years, 24/7 365. We were 28 yrs old & I lost my Soulmate on 4/30/17, in a month's time, she was gone. I helped raise her dtr. from the age of 7 & bonded with her son, our Grandson, who is now 25. I had her for 36 Beautiful year's, but I have never felt so lost over her sudden death. Over the year I've dealt with this grief literally alone. There's much to my story, too much for this space. All I know is I never felt so lost as I do now..

      • Hi Nance, thank you for sharing with us. I am so sorry for the loss of your soulmate and to hear that you have been dealing with your grief alone, that’s hard. I have found grief counselling has helped me, please know that you can reach out for support. Sending much love and healing to you Nance, Sarah x

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