Three questions that help you curate your life. The answer is always “Yes” or “Next!”
Curating your life after taking out the trash. You should know that there is beauty in emptiness. Don't freak! But the truth is contrary to everything you have been taught.
Congratulations! You have cleaned up your life! Figuratively, energetically and literally. You have found your voice and taken action! You have decided what deserves space in your life and what had to go! Saying goodbye to toxic family and friends was not easy, but you did it! You have even moved on to the task of emptying your home of clutter to the degree that even Marie Kondō would be impressed. You are pretty amazing!
Next come the serenity and inspiration, right? No. Sorry.
Wherever you are at on this journey, nothing is so clean cut. The painstaking process is just that. It's like being energetically turned inside out. And, while we would like to celebrate the open, airy, clean space, white walls and a drama free calendar? Instead, you find yourself in that lucid freefall state. You are grabbing and rearranging everything in site to fill the holes in your home and your boring weekend plans. The bareness feels lonely. You question your reasons for starting this personal growth process to begin with. You feel naked.
You reach for the phone to peruse through Amazon. Maybe a new little table belongs in that empty corner. The temptation creeps in to call the toxic “fun friend.” After all, alone on a Friday night cannot be good for personal growth?? You are now in a panic. A frenzy that may involve a four-hour label making binge or opening the only cookbook left in your house. (Seriously, I kept the crockpot cookbook?? Why?) You know that you could pick up the phone, saved by one of the many fair-weather friends you gave the ax? It would be so easy to fill the space and time with unworthy things and people…
Stop. Beathe. You are going to be just fine.
Carefully choosing how to fill that space is long down the road. For now, chill out. You have time. Give yourself a break because maybe you don't NEED TO FILL THE SPACE AT ALL? Maybe instead, you let it be? Just do your thing. That might mean NOT indulging your inner scared 12 year old. It might mean a glass of lemonade and a journal. Or it might mean you don't do jack. You simply relax into the boredom and see what shows up for your highest good.
I can feel you control freaks out there cringing a “10” on the cringe-o-meter. That means you DEFINITELY need to keep reading…
We are in a time where society pressures us to fill every minute of our day. There is no trophy, button, or sticker awarded to the person that creates “empty” space in their life, home or in their mind. And, heaven forbid a social media post celebrating an hour of feet in the sand and daydreaming. Not without the subtle haters snubbing your priorities. Haters gonna hate and I try to give them plenty to chew on. So, I take particular joy in typing every word on this topic.
Philosophers will say that we fear the quiet space in our heads because if we are left alone in our mind (without the tools to navigate), it will drive us mad. All while the echoing voice of our parents has us fearing the dangers and temptations that lurk in idle hands. The fear of us being alone in our space and our thoughts can be strangling, especially for us type A. The truth is that we do fear to look in the mirror and seeing who we are separate from the noise and chatter of the world buzzing around us. It might not be pretty. And after years of enthusiastic parents guiding and fine-tuning our identities, all operating from that same fear, no wonder we are freaked out once our space is clean, quiet and seemingly empty.
The truth is contrary to everything we have been taught. It was all bullshit.
There is real beauty in emptiness. I am here to tell you that every magical experience in my life came in moments of quiet and empty.
• Buying a one-way plane ticket to a place I had never been, alone with less than $400 in my pocket.
• Losing a six-figure job.
• A divorce.
I could go on, but you get the point. After cleaning out space in my life, removing toxic people, making a lifestyle change, a significant loss, or a conscious energy shift the best things came to me. Sometimes even after a “smackdown” where the Universe forcibly brought my life to a screeching halt. Incapacitated, in those moments I sat in stillness and forced to surrender to circumstance. That is where “big magic” showed up. Ideas, gifts, and revelations dropped in my lap.
The difference between the young foolish me and the more aware me? Is that now I not only recognized them, I expected them. They looked like new hobbies, people I was drawn to connect with, skills I was inspired to fine tune, and even writing this article.
Now that you have let yourself off the hook. You have permission to see “emptiness” as an opportunity to discover and curate your life. Your only job is to say “yes” to what shows up for your highest good or to say “next!” to what serves no purpose.
These three questions will help you curate your life.
1. Is this deserving of my sacred space, time, and energy?
2. Is this interaction serving my highest self?
3. Does this decision bring me closer to my dreams and goals?
Be firm in how you answer these questions. If you feel torn or pulled in both directions, it is a “Next!” If it comes back around again down the road, you might reconsider. Today though, it is not for you.
It will get easier as you understand that being liked or admired plays no role in the curating process. As your happiness and peace become more important than the trivial day to day choices, it feels fluid. There is no guilt when you make choices with integrity.
What you expect and what you look for is what you will always find. Sit in the emptiness. Make peace with time alone. Anticipate that as things show up in your path, that they will only be for your highest good. And, release attachment with what is not serving your higher self.
Let me hear it loud and proud, “Next!”