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Joy is Deep Within You

Do yourself a favor, stop trying to please others.

Why do we give our power away?

This is a question I have been asking myself often lately. Life has many twists and turns and it is always at our lowest points when we are growing the most.

The past few years have been difficult to say the least and this year has been the kicker for me as I have been going through a divorce. When we come to these bridges in life we often pause for a moment in fear of crossing them but the fire inside us drives us across that bridge of life and gives us momentum when we feel we have nothing left.

I have felt so much stress, anxiety and depression in the past year that it has at times consumed me and stolen my joy.

As a life coach I have struggled with this tremendously because I am often the light for others and it’s difficult to shine that light when you are dim on the inside, but I too need healing just like all of you and this process has affirmed that for me.

I decided to take a break from coaching six months ago as I felt the light within become dim.

As the stress of my circumstances set in I knew it was time for me to step back, go within and allow myself to heal. At the time I knew it had to be done but I didn’t realize what was coming from it.

The Universe was asking me to grow-reminding me of my greatness-but I couldn’t see that at the time. You see, my stress, anxiety and depression was coming from my need to please others. I had to dig deep to find out what toxic belief was causing this.

With the work that I do, I know that everything leads back to our childhood.

What happens in childhood doesn’t stay in childhood. Instead, it repeats throughout our lives for many years to come until we heal it and move on a stronger person.

As a child I learned to please others in order to be accepted. Many of us learn this lesson but we don’t realize it is a toxic seed that is planted young and affects us throughout our lives.


My mom was doing the very best she could with her four children.

I was the youngest of the crew and came fifteen years after my eldest sister so my mom was tired by the time I stepped onto life’s scene.

She was a full-time wife and mother who never had the opportunity to fulfill her own dreams. Hell, she likely never even had time to uncover her dreams. She left high school at seventeen to get married and immediately started having children. Her identity became wife and mother at a very young age.

She sought happiness outside of herself and that caused a great deal of pain for her over the years. So by the time I came along she was drained mentally, physically and emotionally and when she got frustrated with life she would say, “One of these days you’re going to come home and you’re not going to find me.”

As a child, I would interpret that to mean, ‘Do what others need and want or they will leave you.’

This prompted me as an adult to become a people pleaser.

I was constantly putting the needs of others before my own to my own detriment. And why was I doing this? Because if I didn’t please them, then they would leave me!

I’ve had many people ‘leave’ in my life only now to realize that it wasn’t the loss I thought it was at the time. Instead, it was a blessing in disguise.

You see, you can never truly please someone else because no one can truly know what another person needs.

The only person you can please is yourself because our needs are always changing moment to moment.

Do yourself a favor, stop trying to please others.

Don’t seek approval outside of yourself because you will never truly find it and you will instead feel stress, anxiety and depression because this will only leave you will feelings of failure.

Give yourself the time and attention you need by nurturing and loving yourself for who you are and where you are in life. Be loving and kind to others but don’t allow their needs and agenda to get in the way of your happiness. You are worth more. You are an amazing Spiritual being who is here for a purpose and your purpose is not to give your power away to others. Your purpose is to be your best self in this life and to serve humanity by shining your own light.

Step away from the fear of being abandoned and know that you can never be abandoned because you always have the light within.

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Vicki Savini

Vicki Savini is a mother, a teacher, a Hay House author, and an inspiring speaker, who has been empowering children & adults through individual consultations and group workshops for over a decade.

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PRABHAKAR RAJARAPU
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PRABHAKAR RAJARAPU

VERY NICE

Mai'Muna Thomas
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Mai'Muna Thomas

Well hear I am, I ade 69 4/7. Lucky for me I still look young for my age. Its a family trait. I think young too. Im also very blessed. Ive een through a lot, illnesses, accidents etc. Yet Im still kicking. Ive never had an truly love me although I have loved. I tell my daters, “you must learn to love yourself. To my surprise I now realize I still dont truly love myself. Like you I learned to be a people pleaser at a young age. I realize that no one can love a woman whom doesn’t love herself. I have to learn how o love myself. This has been lonely road for me. My husband was abusive, he didnt love me nor himself I realize. I ant to love myself. That would be wonderful. I deserve to love myself. It’s about time.

Patricia Moss
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Patricia Moss

Very uplifting reading. I saw myself as a people pleaser and it was actually draining me put did not know how to say it’s enough without hurting individuals feelings. However, it’s about me and me decided to do her with me time. Thanks for the insight.

Barbara Vercruysse
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Barbara Vercruysse

Thank you so much for this powerful and insightful article, Vicki!!

michelle
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michelle

omg this is exactly what i was like felt myself empty time and time again i as much as in my heart wanted to help all i could never been so drained before i knew at that one i was just one person but i was leaving the one person who needed it the most aside that was myself it took some deep thinking and chancing to pull though and chance what i needed to because i cant help or heal everyone but i can always give advice and look more closely at myself to love myself back to life again

Bronwyn Fotheringham
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Bronwyn Fotheringham

I have been through a very similar journey. I had a very happy family and an easy, comfortable marriage.
Then my husband told me he didn’t love me anymore. And hadn’t for 6-8 years. And that when we had married 15+ years ago, he knew that he didn’t love me, but “had hope I could change”.
Honestly? It was devastating and humiliating to learn not only that being myself was not enough, but also that my ex had pretended to love me.

At the back of my mind I was aware of the paradoxical freedom.
I was relieved because could now live an authentic life, except I was crippled by the deepest pain and grief I have ever experienced.

2 years on, and I am through the worst.
Looking back, the best thing I did was just to BE. It was tough. I found that when there were additional demands, the stress caused me to shut down.
So the only way I coped was to do *only the basics*, and say no to almost everything.

I HAVE SURVIVED THAT PHASE.
It took me 2 years.
Everyone’s journey and timing is different.
But life is definitely brighter on this side!
I am dating (which I honestly wasn’t sure I would ever do.
I still feel devastated by the loss of my family unit, but I am happy and I’m looking forward to whatever the future holds.

I wish the same for you…
Bron
💖💜💙💚💛

AmandaBell1256
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AmandaBell1256

Thank you I see my son trying to please others and leave himself out if the loop. This really struck a cord with me to what he is doing and what I’ve been doing the majority of my life.

ChristineMoharter
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ChristineMoharter

Thank you for the article! It hit home deeply! Gb you all! 🙏🏻☮️

ChristineMoharter
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ChristineMoharter

😭😢 Yes, Ive spent my entire adult life being the “ fiver” or as u say the “light” and success for others. Yet when my darkest days come I get not even a 1/4 of empathy or care from anyone, leaves me sad and feeling unworthy! My mother who was a toxic narcissist mean evil-spirited person died a month ago today and that’s all I know! I have 4 siblings who I’ve been good to all my live ( and I’m the youngest ) r also evil spirited and they had to get the last punch even my mother. Oh yeah cremated she was so we who didn’t speak to her in life couldn’t visit her in death.
Everyone including my therapists and friends view this as inhumane ! She is my mother, and no one should inflict such pain on Anyone no less blood!
I live my life as true as I can! I like the person I am! I’ve been thru hell and back, but came back stronger and wiser from the trauma of 49 yrs!
I yearn for now all 4 parents r gone and I can find peace in my heart again! No one abuse or ridiculing or insults or made up stories!
I am blessed to be a part of our Royal Society because you help me everyday foe yrs now!
☮️❤️😊🙏🏻 To u all! Have a Blessed Day my friends and God Bless

kathy
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kathy

I too, can identify every post on here about being a people pleaser, and just wanting to “help”, show the way, of a kind heart, and still getting very badly hurt, because narcisstic people take advantage! I am “learning the “hard way” and I am 60 this year!

Soulla Orfanidou
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Soulla Orfanidou

Thank you so much. You are so inspiring and supporting.!!!

Betty Rodriguez
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Betty Rodriguez

I really enjoyed this article, because , I too was raised up hearing all the time !!! “Children are to be seen, and not heard”. I always wanted to be around the adults, but, not only my Mom would say this, but all of the adults !! I grew up in a very loving home, but this was just the way life was !! I always tried to please everyone, rather than being good to me !! It took me a very long time to overcome this !!! Also to love me !! I thank God every day for what He has done for me and all of the many Blessings He has bestowed on me !!! I try to be a Blessing to others and to encourage others !! ♥🙏

Joshua C Daniels
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Joshua C Daniels

Heh . . . I might be on the other side of the spectrum when it comes to pleasing others . . .

Cathy
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Cathy

That is me for sure! Problem is that they are my son and grandkids. You don’t know how many nos I have to say before I can’t take it any longer and cave in. I have started having panic and anxiety attacks this last month because of it. It is a horrible feeling. Thank you for the article. I hope to be able to take your advice.

Marci Barton
Member
Marci Barton

I know it’s hard, you are doing it out of taking care of you!

Charlene Mozee Harris
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Charlene Mozee Harris

I was born to a teenage mother and raised by my maternal grandmother who was not pleased with the situation, which is understandable. I struggled to please my grandmother to prove my worth in a bad situation. I recovered by realizing my untimely birth was not my fault and I didn’ have to atone for other’s mistake.

Suzan
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Suzan

Very good article which gives good lessons to be learned from it , i noticed that good people usually tend to blame thierself because they are( very kind and like to please others ) or blame dearest person to them like a mother or father because they are rasied them to be very kind ,specially when they are having a problem or bad time , to solve any problem in general it is necessary to look for the root of the problem , for example in any emotional problem their is a certain bahaviour which started from childhood and affected on the character later , by knowing the real reasons of this behaviour then the lessons could be learned from it and the person will be more understandable to himself or herself ,in this article the writter learned to never forget to be kind to others but also not forget her needs or happiness in order to please other’s.
I think that (forgiveness to herself and mother )is important and helps her to heal from pain and sadness, and never regret to be kind even it is not well estimated by others .

Shirley
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Shirley

This is so true .And yes I am a people pleaser and I need to work on that in my life tk u for the story’s snd for shearing your life .

Rose Parise
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Rose Parise

Some things about this story ring true in my own life, and it took God a very long time to show me what was out of step and to heal me. While I still gain joy when something I have said or done makes someone feel God’s love and joy I now longer live for that to give me joy. My joy comes from know who God created me to be and that she is pretty incredible because of Him and the gift of love HE gave me many years ago that took me a long time to discover that embracing HIS love and how HE sees you is where you come to that place of lasting peace and joy no matter what the circumstances. And then you can reach out to others from your full cup instead of from a place of needs others cannot and sometimes do not know how or want to meet. Let God teach you how much you are loved and have all you need in Him and the world looks so much different each day growing sweeter.

Dolores
Guest
Dolores

I have learned with time that you can’t please anyone. If you do something for someone do it out of the kindness of your heart with out expecting anything in return and you’ll never be disappointed.

Tiffany Newsome
Guest
Tiffany Newsome

Enlightening revalation! Thanks for sharing

Lori
Member
Lori

Thank you so much for sharing this. I definitely needed to read this. I have been working on the issues that I have associated with being a people pleaser. So this was perfect timing!