Why do we give our power away?
This is a question I have been asking myself often lately. Life has many twists and turns and it is always at our lowest points when we are growing the most.
The past few years have been difficult to say the least and this year has been the kicker for me as I have been going through a divorce. When we come to these bridges in life we often pause for a moment in fear of crossing them but the fire inside us drives us across that bridge of life and gives us momentum when we feel we have nothing left.
I have felt so much stress, anxiety and depression in the past year that it has at times consumed me and stolen my joy.
As a life coach I have struggled with this tremendously because I am often the light for others and it’s difficult to shine that light when you are dim on the inside, but I too need healing just like all of you and this process has affirmed that for me.
I decided to take a break from coaching six months ago as I felt the light within become dim.
As the stress of my circumstances set in I knew it was time for me to step back, go within and allow myself to heal. At the time I knew it had to be done but I didn’t realize what was coming from it.
The Universe was asking me to grow-reminding me of my greatness-but I couldn’t see that at the time. You see, my stress, anxiety and depression was coming from my need to please others. I had to dig deep to find out what toxic belief was causing this.
With the work that I do, I know that everything leads back to our childhood.
What happens in childhood doesn’t stay in childhood. Instead, it repeats throughout our lives for many years to come until we heal it and move on a stronger person.
As a child I learned to please others in order to be accepted. Many of us learn this lesson but we don’t realize it is a toxic seed that is planted young and affects us throughout our lives.
My mom was doing the very best she could with her four children.
I was the youngest of the crew and came fifteen years after my eldest sister so my mom was tired by the time I stepped onto life’s scene.
She was a full-time wife and mother who never had the opportunity to fulfill her own dreams. Hell, she likely never even had time to uncover her dreams. She left high school at seventeen to get married and immediately started having children. Her identity became wife and mother at a very young age.
She sought happiness outside of herself and that caused a great deal of pain for her over the years. So by the time I came along she was drained mentally, physically and emotionally and when she got frustrated with life she would say, “One of these days you’re going to come home and you’re not going to find me.”
As a child, I would interpret that to mean, ‘Do what others need and want or they will leave you.’
This prompted me as an adult to become a people pleaser.
I was constantly putting the needs of others before my own to my own detriment. And why was I doing this? Because if I didn’t please them, then they would leave me!
I’ve had many people ‘leave’ in my life only now to realize that it wasn’t the loss I thought it was at the time. Instead, it was a blessing in disguise.
You see, you can never truly please someone else because no one can truly know what another person needs.
The only person you can please is yourself because our needs are always changing moment to moment.
Do yourself a favor, stop trying to please others.
Don’t seek approval outside of yourself because you will never truly find it and you will instead feel stress, anxiety and depression because this will only leave you will feelings of failure.
Give yourself the time and attention you need by nurturing and loving yourself for who you are and where you are in life. Be loving and kind to others but don’t allow their needs and agenda to get in the way of your happiness. You are worth more. You are an amazing Spiritual being who is here for a purpose and your purpose is not to give your power away to others. Your purpose is to be your best self in this life and to serve humanity by shining your own light.