I had to admit something to myself recently that was a bit difficult, but necessary to swallow.
That a wonderful part of myself I absolutely love can also cause me a lot of stress, grief, and frankly, totally mess up my life. I never fully realized this until just recently, and I’ve been working through what to do about it.
This part of me I’m talking about is the prevailing side of me that thrives off of change, adventure, wandering, and taking on new life projects. The ambitious free spirit in me that wants to run wild, live to the max, and make massively big things happen (and many times, does!).
This is a side of me I’ve always been aware of and embraced as part of who I am. It’s the side of me that’s been my guiding light to nearly every success and incredible experience I’ve ever had. I totally love my inner-wild spirit. She’s pretty awesome.
But, recently, I had to admit that this free-spirited side of me can also be kind of reckless and a pain in the ass, and could really benefit from some gentle discipline and big time taming.
Here’s what I know for sure:
If I ever want to have long-term contentment and lasting peace in my life with What Is, a form of mindful management of this side of me from a place of higher awareness needs to come into play. Because admittedly, this adventurous, change-craving side is also the side that has caused:
— A sense of ongoing restlessness in my life — no matter how good things are — to the point of sometimes being borderline painful.
— A need for new projects and adventures that runs so deep it sometimes leads me to getting in over my head, making big messes in the process (fortunately, it’s also the side of me that is really great at handling big messes).
— A mild discontent with routine and too much sameness that can feel like a pebble in my shoe and has barred me many times from relaxing into my present world and taking long periods of time to simply “be.”
This wild, (mostly wonderful) free spirit side has sometimes prevented me from being fully at peace during many of the happiest, most amazing times in my life.
It’s contributed to messing up relationships because of a constant craving for big new ventures.
It’s caused me to abandon perfectly wonderful projects because they weren’t happening fast enough, and it’s fueled a desire to change where I live every few years (even though I can’t stand moving LOL). It’s also cost me quite a bit of money, because truthfully some of the choices driven by this inner-wild spirit were not in my best interest financially.
I’ve been thinking a lot lately about what I truly desire in this new chapter of my life, and some of those things are going to require careful management of my inner-wild spirit. I would like to avoid unnecessarily moving again for at least a decade.
I’d like to create a peaceful, loving relationship full of contentment even when things become routine for long periods of time.
Routine can be good. I’d like to cultivate the patience and dedication to build a deeper spiritual practice that will help me grow further and be of greater service to others.
So, to begin getting a handle on this, I’ve started examining the many areas of my life where this inner wild spirit serves me, and where she definitely doesn’t. I also recognize that she is me…but not all of me.
Here are my intentions:
I will learn to lovingly tell her when to chill out (without bursting her balloon or squashing joy), I will teach her to put the breaks on when those familiar feelings of restlessness begin to rise, and I’ll also begin to look back at some of the major screw-ups in my life that she may have spearheaded so I can learn more from those experiences and prevent similar epic fails from happening again.
Of course, I’ll still allow my beautiful wild spirit to run free, crave magical adventures, and be the driving force behind my sense of wonder, ambition, and desire to create more love and happiness in the world — because this is a part of her — and me — I adore madly. And, it’s the part that is the biggest brick in the foundation of who I am.
Dearest Wild Spirit, I give you permission to be free. To create. To seek beauty, explore, sparkle, and crave (occasional) change. I’m so grateful you’re a part of me — that you are me. Thank you. I accept you. I love you, and I am now taking responsibility for you. I plan to stop you from your occasional recklessness and prevent you from tripping over yourself so often (not that this still won’t happen on occasion, but I can live with that). There is much joy to be found in learning to love what we already have and embrace exactly where we are. I promise to guide you to slow down, soak in the beauty of what is, and just be for a while. Darling, please trust me. I think you’ll like it.