How to Love a Woman

After a divorce, it would be fair to say that I failed miserably with the woman in my life but failure is the breeding ground for success.

I’m no expert on women.

In fact, after a divorce, it would be fair to say that I failed miserably with the woman in my life.

Upon further reflection, however, I learned a few things about how to treat, love and care for the woman I am with. It may have been too late for my marriage, but it isn’t too late for my next relationship. Or for your next relationship.

You could say that mistakes and failures in relationships are the keys to learning, growth and understanding. The worse you are at relationships, the better you can understand them.

It’s true what they say – failure is the breeding ground for success.

Here are my insights on how to love a woman, based on my own experiences and having checked in with women I know.

Here are 11 ways to love a woman.

Make time for her consistently.

A woman feels loved when you make time for and prioritize her in your life. Men tend to create lots of time for women in the dating process, but not once we’re in a relationship with them.

Just like how you create time for what you value in your life, you have to create time for the woman in your life. Make it time that’s dedicated exclusively to her – fun nights out, game nights at home or joint adventures with friends.

Creating time for the woman in your life helps her feel important, cared for and loved. If you continually date and woo her, she won’t feel taken for granted.

Appreciate her.

Women go out of their way to nurture, care for and serve the people they care most about. So much of their work and giving is ignored. Simple appreciation for what she means to you can make a world of difference to her.

There are so many things women do that we take for granted. Her thoughtful gestures, healing touch, passionate kiss, care for children or thoughtfulness toward family are just some of the many things a man can appreciate about the woman in his life.

Acknowledge her. Notice what she did and let her know that you appreciate it. A thoughtful gesture, kind word or small gift will help her feel appreciated.

Take your gratitude practice up a notch by looking for what you can appreciate about your woman, not what you can criticize her for.

Appreciate her for the best version of herself instead of reminding her of her flaws.

Accept her for who she is.

The simplest way to love a woman is to accept her for who she is – no need to change her or wish she were different. No need to tell her that she doesn’t measure up or is insufficient in some way.

Society has spent generation after generation creating an “ideal” mold that all women should fit into. Society tells women what to do, what to eat, how to look and even how to dress! Just because news, media and culture harass women and get them to conform doesn’t mean that you should.

Tell your woman you love her unconditionally and accept her completely for who she is – no improvement needed.

Let go of control.

Along the same lines of accepting her is learning to let go of being the controlling person in a relationship.

You can’t control, direct or demand that a woman be a certain way.

You can’t change a woman against her will. The best way to help a woman become the best version of herself is through compassion, understanding and kindness.

Instead of attempting to change her or to get her to be someone she’s not, work on becoming the best person you can be.

Work on your growth, your need to control and your ability to let go. 

Cultivate compassion.

Part of accepting her involves compassion and understanding for what she’s going through.

Compassion means understanding her challenges, her upbringing and the difficulties she’s experiencing in daily life.

Compassion means being present, being empathetic and being forgiving – it’s seeing where she’s coming from. It’s not having to be right all the time. It’s letting her do things the way she wants to do them.

Compassion is putting yourself in her shoes. Compassion is seeing things from her perspective. Compassion is being there for her or being thoughtful toward her as she’s experiencing a life challenge.

Compassion can involve simply creating space for her or holding her for comfort.

Offer a listening ear.

Women, more so than men, love to talk as a way of expressing themselves, as a way of sharing and even as a way of loving.

One easy way for us to love them is to listen to them without trying to fix them, help them or troubleshoot for them. I’ve heard that listening without judgment or advice helps women feel heard and seen.

In our society, we usually engage in two-way conversations; we always want to respond, fix something or offer advice.

Instead, try listening with empathy to help a women express herself and be who she is.

Openness and honesty.

When you do converse, nothing can make a woman feel more loved than honesty.

Women, I’ve found, value this quality more than almost any other one. Being able to have an honest conversation, share deep and intimate thoughts and have an open conversation allows women to feel safe.

Turn offs include hiding information, not being completely truthful or outright lying about something. Women can usually deal with whatever it is you say to them, but they feel hurt and betrayed when you lie or hide the truth.

Opt for more honesty in all parts of your life so that you’re living more of your truth with the woman in your life.

Be vulnerable with her.

Women feel loved when you share your feelings and your experiences – positive and negative – with them. They don’t want to hear your every fear and worry, but they do want to hear what you’re struggling with and your challenges.

Just as much as they appreciate your being there for them, they want to be there for you. Sharing your vulnerability gives the woman in your life a chance to comfort you, nurture you and love you.

Women understand how difficult it is for men to open up, so opening up to her helps her feel special, needed and loved. 

Commit to being a better partner.

The best thing you can do for her – and for you – is to become the best version of yourself. Grow, learn and work on improving yourself. Work on eliminating bad habits and becoming emotionally stronger and more vulnerable.

You may be doing a lot of personal development work, but also work on becoming a better partner in your relationship. Read books on becoming a better man, attend workshops about being a better partner and try counseling if you think it will help you work through old patterns and harmful tendencies.

When you commit to becoming a better version of yourself, women get the benefits of a better you. Healing your emotional wounds, becoming a better listener and being more present in your life are all big wins for her.

Small acts of thoughtfulness.

It doesn’t seem like fancy trips or heroic declarations of love impress most women. More than heroism and grand gestures, it’s the small, everyday acts of thoughtfulness and care that seem to matter most.

Thinking about small ways to show appreciation, to make her life easier or to anticipate what she needs are just some of the ways you can show her how much you love her.

What does she need help with?

What would brighten her day?

What has she really appreciated that you’ve done for her before?

Consciously think of small ways to improve her life – things like putting away your own clothes or the dishes in the kitchen seem to make a much bigger difference to women than you can imagine.

Sweet nothings, affection and chocolate.

Yes, women like to be praised, appreciated and loved with words.

You don’t have to be a Shakespearean Romeo to tell your woman how much you appreciate her. You don’t need to write poems or declare your love in the public square. Small love notes, words of appreciation and greeting cards that share your feelings can warm her heart and improve your relationship.

Show her affection by holding her and touching her the way she likes to be touched. Do things that she enjoys. Be thoughtful of her needs and more aware of her feelings.

And this goes without saying – BUY HER CHOCOLATE. I haven’t met a single woman who doesn’t like chocolate. Not chocolate for special occasions, but chocolate just because. You don’t have to wait for birthdays or V-day for chocolate – today is the best day to share a box with her.


Vishnus Virtues

Vishnu writes a popular relationship and personal development coaching blog.

Related Articles

Leave a Reply

28 Comment threads
15 Thread replies
Most reacted comment
Hottest comment thread
30 Comment authors
AthurIonePalmerCatherine B. RoyLaurie Lankins FarleyJackie Wilushewski Recent comment authors
newest oldest most voted
Notify of

This a must read article for couple or both partners in a relationship.


I think men should be treated with the same respect and kindness as women. Trust is the key ingredient to a successful relationship.

Laurie Lankins Farley

Feeling the depth of soul on soul…. just wow!

Judy Conley

This should be a must read for both partners. We all basically want to feel appreciated and reminded we are. Treat you partner as your best friend. My husband put up a great front for his friends but not so much for me. He was the most controlling, critical mate with me but never with a friend or even a coworker. Be kind and loving and reap the rewards. Learn the word sorry. Can’t remember him having it in his vocabulary, ever. He even criticized me for saying it. I loved the entire article. Thank you for sharing your incite.

Nisha KC
Nisha KC

What I am saying is my personal view, if you really know the technique to love a woman then you are loving with mind. And if you are loving a woman with heart then everything you need to love her, it will automatically happens. Like if you are hungry you don’t need to think what to eat or what not to eat, the hunger will make every food seem delicious. And if you are not hungry you can’t eat even delicious food. As like if it’s true love from heart (must be both side) you don’t want to hurt her but want to keep her happy. And as the need is the mother of invention, you will know how to love a woman without any learned technique.

Varinia Richardson
Varinia Richardson

This article is very positive and thoughtful. It is honest and true. Small acts of kindness can go a long way in a relationship. You don’t need a lot of money. Just listening when the time is right can be very important in relationship. Love Vinny have a lovely day everyone xx thanks Jenni and Bryant for all your articles.

Celine Ong

Thanks for sharing. Its great to know how woman are being valued in this manner

Jo Davis

Such a sweet article. You should be commended on your hard work, jumping back into the classroom of relationships. All for the sake of growing, learning, & understanding another’s needs & wants. It’s a beautiful thing!

Lalie Nieto
Lalie Nieto

Hi Jenni and Bryant💕 I agree with the 11 pointers mentioned. All men in a relationship should be aware of these points. Women basically need lots of affection. Simple gestures of caring from them means a lot. My husband has his own language of expressing his love and care and I respect and love him for that. I miss the chocolate mousse he used to give me though when he was still my bf😄. He just knows my weakness. 😍 thank you.

celia koumianakis
celia koumianakis

I agree with everything in the article. But, there is always a but.


Very beautiful article because it express deeply about women needs ,thoughts and how to be loved, thank you.

Fatima Shahnaz Ahmad

I am a woman and I AGREE with EVERY SINGLE WORD of this!

P.S. Make that chocolate a box of assorted ones!

Karin Sheinberg
Karin Sheinberg

If this advice was practiced there would be no divorce! Excellent article and I couldn’t say it any better!

Jackie Wilushewski

Beautiful article! Thank you for taking the time to write and share this. This is a great reminder and offers great easy to understand information to men and women and young boys and girls all over the world. I really Love that you removed personal bias/perspective and any focus on religious aspects from this and just focused on the individual essence of Women. Thank you a ton! And yes, chocolate is ALWAYS appreciated 🙂

Robina fazal

Thanks for Sharing…in reference to the wrote about…Being a worthy companion male..and female..demands love ,care ,respect…Trust.. acknowledging importance of each other.. should have patience ..should be Soul companion…Love is the main thing…love of soul..that.. make both live a happy life together…

Tiffany Newsome
Tiffany Newsome

Sounds just about right to me!

Catherine B. Roy

What a wonderful article! Every point it’s on the right place! Beautiful and helpful insights. Thank you!

Strawberry Mom
Strawberry Mom

This is beautiful…not only for those who are just stsrying a rerelationship but most specially those relationships that has already stsnd the rest of time..
I love whats said about vulnerability..and its true..a woman would feel more loved when you show your vulnerability..and yes! Chocolate just because..thank you for this article..a very good reminder to our partners who sometimes forget ,that at the end of the day ,the special woman in their life took on a lot of roles to save the Universe by being Mom,Friend,Driver,Counsellor,Lover,bestfriend..caregiver,Nurse,cook..the list is long..and at the same time be sane… 🙂

Karra Theodora

Love is the most amazing feeling. Feeling loved is not a privelege is a necessity!! We can’t live as human beings without love. What different our world would be, if we love each other instead of hating each other. Love, compassion, are the main elements for a healthy relationship. We should not take our partners for granted. Some relationships are shaped in a manipulative way in the name of love. Love has nothing to do with having your house tidy, your husband’s clothes clean, it has to do with your inner feelings. Feeling desired is the strongest of all.

Vasudevan Bhattathir

This is an article based western thinking and marriage. .which is correct in the prospective western society and culture in India and most of the Easter world the marriage is a relationship between a man and woman which is considered very much Divine ,specially in Hinduism . I am married for last forty four years and we had no problems of this kind . one thing is we both try adjust each other and love is basis that. separations do happen as an exception in extreme cases. but marriage and love are for the whole life

Owing to the western influence and education people have started more assertive and the trend is changing
I have read a lot of postings in the face book about the sufferings of people the problems mostly non existent in our society. the outlook of people has to change to get rid of the problem. love do not mean physical attraction but joining of two souls {JEEVA ATMA—Divine spark within us} once we are able to establish it that is for ever


This article is on fire and burning with the needs of all women. Keep lighting your match. Loved it.

Beatrice Hernandez

Very beautifully written and great advice..
It is also rare to find a man who understands and appreciates a woman.
Sadly it seems like when one is younger you will try to please a man by changing…a very big mistake..
Seeing that it’s a hopeless situation when one does
everything their way you lose yourself…
It is not worth the pain or heartache.
It is easier to walk away even if you feel your heart is breaking..
You are your own person and need to be strong enough to say enough is enough..
One sided relationships are not a real …
They are an illusion…only a good for him..
Thank you for sharing your beautiful thoughts …

Judy Conley

I know so many women who change in an attempt to please a man. Change is good if you are doing it to improve you but rarely can be maintained for any other reason.

Paulina Bagunas
Paulina Bagunas

What an imformative and inspiring article. Women and men both need love and to be loved. Successful relationship should be through the effort of two lovely couple or human being shared happy moments of being together as part of their lives forever. Women like to have a partner not only for one thing which is lovemaking but we as woman needs special attention, affection, care and a resposible man as her night shining armor. I may say am unlucky finding the love of my life. But i’m so greatful and blessed to have GOD who’s always there in times of need. I’m doing things rightfully and letting all things to happen according to his will. GOD bless.


This is so spot on. Nothing he said was about diamonds or furs or expensive places. It was the emotional things that money can’t buy. The little things that really aren’t little but that show you he cares.

patricia jacksom
patricia jacksom

wow this article really gets deep into my heart. because starting an new relationship can be difficult and challenging for anyone. especially if you have been in a bad one where none of these things existed . each and every point in this is very helpful to have a healthy happy relationship. it is the key to real love. I have disabilities and have had a rocky past, but I am proud of who I truly am today. and why should we let anyone try to change who we are because if they want to then they do not love us. and it is the small things that matter a single rose or for me I love chocolate that would get right to my heart lol! but really its not about how big the gesture a gesture is to let the person know you are thinking of them. I at often times just need a listening ear and not adive or trying to solve my problem because a lot of times you cant and with mental health sometimes people say oh just calm down or get over it, they are trying their best to comfort you and don’t mean to make the problem worse but to you they might. so listening shows that you care and you can tell when a person is truly listening. kindness and compassion go a long long long way to me they are a huge factor to keep a relationship very strong. kisses hugs or you look nice, or I am so sorry you are feeling down ..etc etc etc ….the point you make about working on yourself is also very important in order to love someone with you whole heart you must know yourself, and are aware of areas in yourself you need to work on and make that change. most of all you have to love yourself you can not truly love anyone else unless you do, and you can not allow yourself to be loved. the more you listen to your loved one the more your can get to know them and also you have to have honesty and openness because that is how you do know your loved one the best you can and they know you. sometimes we feel like the truth is too hard it is easier to lie, I always hated to be lied to the lie made me angry not the actual truth, because my telling the truth you are conveying you want your loved one to truly get to know you and that you care, it means so very much. the smooth talking romeo we probably all experienced and I feel like they are trying to hard to win your attention with an “act” instead of just being themselves. we have to take time for our loved ones if you really loved them try to balance them with your work or other repsonsibilites you may seem tired or not want to bother but them knowing that and they still make the time matters all that much and you end up being so glad you did. spend as much time as possible on what really matters in your life because life goes by so fast and we need to cherish these priceless moments when we can and create as many as we can. getting to control which is a big one for me and so many others. don’t try to control any part of a loved ones life because it just shows jealously and most of all that you have some kind of trust issues. allow the person to be an individual and for you makes you better to become closer and become two. it is often hard for me to convey or show their feelings maybe if they still struggle with it they can get help with it. because women appreciate so much when your feelings are show and you open up to them, just knowing in general how hard it is for men. they feel you are trying hard to make our relationship work and grow. and when you both do this your relationship will grow. if you found real love and you want to spend the rest of our life with someone you want to know everything you can about them. you want to be able to face the good and bad times you will have together. i have lived and learned a lot what real love is but this article helps me make more boundaries and helps me to fully know what will make my relationship work. it makes me feel like there is real love for me i finally want to open up, share my heart and my life. and i can trust again all with the right person. It spreads the awareness. I have experienced a few of these things in a relationship but few is the key word . so i am blessed and grateful for another great article of yours!!! spreading the love!!! thanks so much!!!


First i will thank you for illustrating about woman so beaitifully and deeply analysing the excerpts … but some men don’t like counselling because they are aware of their faults and if they are forced to go for counselling they become more violent ….actually they are mentally ill people…they need treatment…sometimes they are powerful people of the society and they make others puppet ….so certain people don’t change…


I suffered alot due to someone else happiness. I am social. I am talkative and I love to make friends. But people take me for granted. They make fun of me. I changed myself to be in healthy relationship but they all left me. I tried hard to make them happy. But none of them was happy with me. They cursed me alot. And still i am facing many things. Thats why I decided not to love anyone except my family. Men are heartless 😢
They just take your all love and engery and leaves us for no reason.

Ricky Hills

Not all men… Try open your heart for another.
Am. Also single, I suffered some thing


Wow this Is so powerful and beautiful article. I’ve read many articles here but this is different because it shows the value of a woman. Beautiful.

Judy Conley

We are nurtures and pleasers. Something to do with raising children, I suspect.