Watch the VIDEO above to learn how to get the RESPECT you deserve, with Bryant & Jenni “On the Go!” at GoMcGill.com
Are you tired of feeling like you are never heard, and constantly being dominated and disrespected? Do have trouble standing-up for yourself, and often feel like you are walking on eggshells? Are you tired of being told you are illogical? Do you have feelings of panic or flight at the first sign of conflict? Do you have anxiety over constant arguing and judgements by “rude” people? Would you like to find your strength, calm, and total power? If so, then this broadcast is for you.
Pease watch the video, share it, and add to the conversation on the comments below. Remember— we are stronger when we share our stories. ?
- The way you get the respect you deserve, is you give it.
- Critical thinking is a form of judgement which is necessarily a state of conflict.
- By its very nature conflict avoidance creates a void of critical thinking, and therefor ultimately — stupidity.
- The supreme lesson of education is to think for yourself; absent this attainment, education creates dangerous, stupefying conformity.
Being open-minded is critical for your growth. If you cannot be open-minded, then you do not possess your ideas, your ideas possess you. Opening yourself to the possibility that you are wrong may make you feel vulnerable, but it is actually empowering, because this is how we learn. When you are not willing to be challenged, disturbed or offended, you are not willing to explore your weaknesses or ever claim the potential of greater strengths. Challenge yourself. Be defiant; defy yourself. Challenge authority; the authority of your own rational convictions! Think back to how many times you absolutely knew you were right about something or someone, only to find out later in life you had been absolutely wrong. This is a common pattern that repeats itself, and in the moment, it is nearly impossible to detect that it is happening. This is the problem with being short-sighted; it is hard to see. We all do this constantly! This is why it is so important to make a conscious and continual effort to be open-minded. Next time you are positively and absolutely sure, attempt the practice of releasing surety and opening yourself to the possibility that you are wrong, or that you do not understand the full picture. Open yourself to the possibility that you and your opponent are both right according to your own experiences and worldviews. Take a hard stance for broadness and understanding.
“If you are irritated by every rub, how will your mirror be polished?” — Rumi
Moments of challenge are the greatest blessings in your life; they are your chance for rapid expanding and deepening of your understanding. Whatever makes you uncomfortable is your biggest opportunity for growth. The greater the discomfort, the greater the potential for learning. The more something upsets you, the more it is meant for you. When it no longer upsets you, it is no longer needed because the lesson is complete. When turmoil and upset transcend to clarity and resolve, your suffering and the suffering of others take on purpose beyond what seems like senseless pain. Every tragedy has a lesson equal in significance to its heartbreak. How you channel your justifiable upset — positively or negatively — determines the degree to which you waste your life force or mount your verve into worthy endeavor. And then there is useless common drama, stubbornness, and ignorance. Most of the petty upset we experience is unnecessary reactivity that can and should be tamed. Petty upset is a sign of a crude and unrefined personality, intellect, and spirituality. Petty upset is a sloppy waste of emotional energy; it is toxic and is often an inner-obstacle to seeing reality clearly. Most inner-obstacles are not overcome because they are seen as natural, ordinary and justifiable. You have to understand your inner-obstacles for the inhibiting barriers they truly are in order to move beyond them. The time to evolve and question your emotions is when you are feeling challenged. You cannot practice being open in a moment of no challenge. Don’t be afraid of changing your mind.
“When you follow your bliss… doors will open where you would not have thought there would be doors, and where there wouldn’t be a door for anyone else.” — Joseph Campbell
Changing your mind can move you into another dimension. Passages can materialize exposing a hidden world that was there all along. But there is no passage for a closed mind and heart. The expansion of your world, and in fact, your reality — expands and contracts with the arch of your mind and heart. A broad mind and heart inherits a broad and wonderful world; a narrow mind and heart suffocates in the tiny cage of their making. Empowerment is often little more than noticing what was once unnoticed and finding what was always there.
“Pause and remember— When you can allow yourself to let go of your firm understandings and truths, you are opening yourself to a vastly larger field of possibilities. Options that once seemed small and impossible from your previous viewpoint, are miraculously transformed into a new landscape of choices by opening your mind.” — Jenni Young McGill
Learn to love being told you are wrong or being insulted. Every insult is an opportunity. Being insulted offers you an opportunity to practice decency and having a non-response internally. When we are easily upset it is because we are internally unstable and unrefined spiritually.
“If you can’t handle the truth, you get the lie.” — Jenni Young McGill
Any defensiveness is a sign of failure. You can’t move forward if you are defensive. If you do not like a certain behavior in others, look within yourself to find the roots of what discomforts you. The conflicts we have with the outside world are often conflicts we have within ourselves. Criticism is no threat to your self-esteem or identity, but rather informs you. You can’t see clearly through defensiveness. You can get to a place where you see clearly; that place is zero defensiveness. Take any concept you believe in deeply and say out loud, and with full conviction, that your dearest belief may be totally flawed. Say, “There is no doubt that I could be wrong.” If you cannot do this, then you do not possess the idea, the idea possesses you. Change will never happen when people lack the ability and courage to see themselves for who they are. An intelligent person is never afraid or ashamed to find errors in their understanding of things. The best practice is to be around people who absolutely disagree. Grace in conflict is a study in love.
“The need to be right is the sign of a vulgar mind.” — Albert Camus
A great deal of defensiveness stems from the need to be right and frustration over not being able to control. This is why defensiveness is a component of suppressed violence within oneself; it is violent to wish to control others. We only have a defensive response when we are trying to protect some inner-territory or some belief. The earthquake of discomfort you feel moving inside of you when someone insults you is your own insecurity. Defensiveness often has little to do with what another person has said, but rather with your ego. It is only your weak, approval-seeking self that is throwing a tantrum for agreement. Most upset is a fear of rejection. Defensiveness and emotional tumult is often a fear response because of your need for acceptance and ruthless control of the territory of your safe fantasy world. Real strength only comes from vulnerability, not toughness. Only true vulnerability can set you free from the anxiety of painful insecurity. Openness is free and flowing — it is a dance, while being closed-off is protective and unmovable. Negative feelings can only exist through your resistance. As you quit resisting they diminish. When you emotionally stand aside from the attack, negative feelings pass by you like a charging bull. When you realize that the defensive feeling you have is a response to your resistance, you are free in that moment.
“Care about what other people think and you will always be their prisoner.” — Lao Tzu
People can only have power over you if you are seeking to have power over others. You are only plagued with stress in moments of common petty conflict because you are arrogant, and believe others are transgressing by having unfavorable thoughts about you. Another person’s thoughts about you are outside of your jurisdiction; you have no authority. You have fantasies about you being right, and about them being wrong, or that there is an injustice or an attack. Sometimes a perceived attack can seem very real, when it is really just your insistence or resistance. When someone is attacking you, they are coming to you for advice. How you react advises them. What advice will you give them? They likely may not know they are seeking advice, but you advise them nonetheless. You can teach an attacker many things through your response. Your boundaries may teach them they are not permitted to treat you disrespectfully. Your permissiveness may teach them to continue hurting you. Your calm and wise response may make sense to them many years later as they grow and heal. Perhaps your example will be steps in their ascension to respect and virtue. Has anyone ever helped you in your ascension to virtue? Perhaps you have been cruel or said something mean and someone responded to your attack with kindness or calm, which later caused you to feel bad or ashamed about your actions. That was someone giving advice to their attacker — you. When you wrestle with foolish people, you tie them tighter into the knot of their ignorance, hate and disrespect. But kindness and openness create an atmosphere where people feel safe to learn and change without judgement. Kindness teaches kindness; self-respect teaches self-respect. This is part of the meaning of “actions speak louder than words” or “leading by example.” You are instructing everyone at every moment with your every action; in this way we are all role models. You are much more than merely a response to external stimuli. By choosing to have a calm response to what seems negative, you bring clarity and balance to your message. People not only learn from what you say, but how you say it. Each reaction we have helps us inspect ourselves by revealing parts of our own nature to ourselves; it is never about others. And remember, when you are speaking to someone else you are really speaking only to yourself. Everything you say to someone else is for your clarity, not theirs — you are presenting yourself, to yourself, for yourself at every moment.
“If the whole world rejected you and you didn’t believe any of your thoughts about it, you’d be completely at peace.” — Byron Katie
Learning to master inner-calm and non-response to what seems like negativity is a life practice. When you release yourself from the need for approval and control you can stop punishing yourself and others. The fulcrum of resistance is in your mind where you pit yourself against the weight of the external. Release yourself from the struggle of emotional exertion that goes nowhere. No one can make you feel anything; you are completely responsible for how you feel. Until you quit participating in your pain, cooperating in your abuse and engaging in the contest, you will always be a part of other people’s games of torment and inner-suffering. Next time someone comes after you to fight, ask yourself in that moment, “who am I, and who do I choose to be?” Choose calm. Choose serenity. Choose independent confidence and sanity. Once you detach from conflict through non-engagement, you rise to a state of empowering calm awareness, empathy and safety.
“Pause and remember— Do not run from criticism. Criticism can be one of your greatest guides and teachers if you can just learn to not run from it.” — Jenni Young McGill