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How to Find Your Way Through the Impossible Maze of Struggle

I could not figure out why everything I tried to do for myself seemed like such an enormous struggle.

I spent a large portion of my life in the company of people who gave me more criticism than encouragement.

The feedback I consistently received was about how I needed to improve, what I was doing wrong, or how I had failed expectations. Rarely, if ever, did someone encourage me, and if they did there was little to no substance to that encouragement. Often that ‘encouragement’ felt like a scolding. “I know you can do better. Do better! Just do better than this.” A high standard of expectations was set, by the people I was surrounded with and eventually also by me for myself.

A perfectionist was born.

Look, I’m not trying to blame anyone or my past for anything, but I want to illustrate how this type of thinking and feedback was the ‘norm’ for me. I came to expect criticism from others. I adopted this same attitude when speaking to myself. I was harsh, critical, and downright cruel to myself.

I repeated the voices I had heard for most of my life, to myself.

For years, decades even, when anyone did try to encourage me, or praise me, I reacted negatively. I was suspicious. Why on earth were these people encouraging me? Why were they praising me? What did they want from me? What were they gaining from this?


I could not take a compliment.

I could not accept encouragement. It went so far that I even felt embarrassed to receive gifts or give gifts to others. It was awkward and weird for me. I didn’t know how this was done, nor how to feel about it.

I did a lot of work throughout the years to improve myself. I will admit during a lot of that work I was extremely hard on myself. Why couldn’t I do it? Why was it not working? Why didn’t I understand? What was the problem? What was wrong with me? Why wasn’t I smart enough to ‘get it’?

The questions and critique were endless.

I was often frustrated. I often drove myself to an emotional breaking point. Then, I would feel embarrassed and ashamed about being emotional and not being able to handle myself in the way I wanted to. Then, I would be angry at myself.

I could not figure out why everything I tried to do for myself seemed like such an enormous struggle.

One day, now some years back, I happened across a broadcast of Bryant and Jenni McGill. I don’t know exactly how I ended up there, but I stayed, watched, and paid attention. Curious, I started watching more broadcasts. Then, I joined their personal development group ‘The Royal Society’ in January of 2016. 


At first, I didn’t know how to be.

I didn’t know how I would or could fit in with the group. I kept trying to define what the expectations might be. I drove myself crazy trying to figure it out. Eventually, it began to sink in, that there were no expectations of me. I could come as I am. I could come as me and be accepted.

I met people who were peaceful and accepting.

Who had no harsh words or critique for me. Who had only love and encouragement. They expected nothing of me. They accepted and celebrated me as I am.

It took some time before things started to sink in.

If other people, people I didn’t even know, could accept, love, and celebrate me as I am, then maybe I could do the same for myself.

Maybe I could accept, love, and celebrate me too without critique, without any judgment, without any expectation.

The adjustment to this new way of looking at things and myself, was not easy. I realized that I had ‘never truly loved myself before’. My love for myself was always hinged on some condition. Whenever I messed up or made a mistake I had revoked that love from myself and fell into critique and even self-loathing.

I had to work on truly accepting myself without any condition. I had to learn to love my whole self, and not just the parts I agreed with and liked. 


So, I started investing time, energy, and effort into speaking to myself in kindness.

I started to not beat myself up for making mistakes. I started to take more time for myself. I started to take better care of my body. I ate better, exercised more, and I slept more. I started to go at my own pace instead of constantly rushing and pushing myself. I removed people and things from my life that brought negativity into my life. I started enacting stronger boundaries. I simplified my life. I managed my time better. I allowed myself to try new things.

What happened next was amazing.

The more I began to love myself, the more I was able to accept the love I received from others. I no longer struggle with receiving encouragement and praise. I feel empowered. I have more courage to venture into the unknown, to try things I was afraid to possibly fail at. It also became easier for me to love and accept others. As I began to look for the good in myself and encourage myself, it became easier for me to find the good in others and to encourage them. 


I shifted my perspective of self-love and acceptance.

I put in the work. This in turn, changed the entire trajectory of my life. So much has changed in my life, and the life of my family. I am living a completely different life and lifestyle as a result of these changes.

My journey through self-development continues and will likely always continue. But, the journey is gentler. It is filled with hope, patience, self-love, self-encouragement, and self-acceptance. Out of all the work I have done on myself the most impacting investment I have made has been to unconditionally love and accept myself.

This is the most important work I can do for myself.

My hope is that by sharing a bit of my story and experience I might encourage you to also invest time and energy into learning to love and accept yourself. You really are your own best investment. Learning to love and accept yourself will enhance your experience of life and the quality of your life.

You deserve your own love!

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Akiroq Brost

Akiroq is a Human Potential Inspirational writer, who has a passion for helping others explore and harness the extraordinary potential that lies within each and every one of us.

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Bernard
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Bernard

I try speaking to myself in kindness but society and family stress me up and irritated me everyday. I start to say negative things and i find it hard to change.

chell
Member

It’s amazing with the right kind of self love how much we can grow everything above was how I used to be aswell at my lowest point now im stronger wiser braver and more knowledgeable I have amazing friends and family around me and finally getting our justice in court soon our lives are moving forward

Robina fazal
Member

Thanks!Akiroq Brost.. 💖👑💐for a nice inspiring article..to love one own Self.. and to care our own thoughts…doings..well being .is whts the demand of our Soul and mind…we are powerful..and energetic…to lead our lives…..if we love unconditionally ourselves.
.and make the best out of our lives….Will grow more..
Happy more..healthy more.and life a life of purpose and prosperity…..Love life…love your instincts and passions.. and do wonders to make a worthy life…..with greatness….love.and compassion..be your own hero……💖💐

Pam
Member

I read this article and it’s got everything I feel and think about myself all over it…I feel so trapped and stuck …the negativity I get on a daily basis from my significant other is draining….and I can’t get out…no money…no savings..nothing…the gaslighting is horrible…can’t even ask for help for gas for my vehicle to get to work…for fear..when he gets intoxicated..that will come up and be told I am using him for his money….ugh…I need help on how to get out of this…and now he wants to buy a house …for me to be happy…the only time I am happy is when I am not around him ..which means I need to work ….i pam just so tired…to the point of tears…

Sheila
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Sheila

Thank you so much Bryant &Jenni;some times one cannot describe the life they have lived or lead:sometimes one has a million & one issues.though thank you very much for your stories..kindest regards Sheila 💫🎉🎈🎈🙏

Tiffany Newsome
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Tiffany Newsome
Binah
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Binah

Thank you! Thank G-d, I do accept and love myself. I’ve gone through very painful a difficult struggles in this life and through a lot of reading of some wonderful books throughout the years, much introspection and compassion, I’ve learned to truly open my heart to the godliness of my existence and this in turn has also enabled me to seethe godliness in other people. The older I get , the less judgmental I am and I realize too that it’s because of loving myself I am able to deeply love others.

Binah
Guest
Binah

Thank you! Thank G-d, I do accept and love myself. I’ve gone through very painful a difficult struggles in this life and through a lot of reading of some wonderful books throughout the years, much introspection and compassion, I’ve learned to truly open my heart to the godliness of my existence and this in turn has also enabled me to seethe godliness in other people. The older I get , the less judgmental I am and I realize too that it’s because of living myself I am able to deeply love others.

Crystal Morris
Guest
Crystal Morris

I needed this this morning..thank you

Shweta
Member

You did a great job.god give best role to each.stay happy.