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How To Build A Good Loving Relationship

What you give, you receive. What you believe, you beckon.

What you give, you receive. What you believe, you beckon.

I’m a big believer of the above two rules and have seen them manifest multiple times in my life. This basic law of attraction was at work in my relationships, my career, my studies and my personal evolution. It took me (my ego) a long time to accept that what I got is not sheer luck or misfortune but fruits of the seeds I sowed.

Coming from a broken family, I grew up learning that love is something difficult and entails more pain than reward. As I believed my relationships would end one day anyway, I erected walls around my heart to reduce the impact of the inevitable heartbreak. Ironically, the more I withheld myself from loving wholeheartedly and participating fully in my relationships, the more often I found myself heartbroken in failed relationships.

My beliefs above love and the consequent actions kept me on a downward spiral till I hit rock bottom in a divorce and depression. Climbing back up from that pit was one arduous journey but I learned my biggest lessons about love which I wouldn’t have learned otherwise.

Below are my ten commandments of building a good and loving relationship which I now follow religiously. It got me breaking free of toxic relationships and helped build new loving ones. I hope they would help you as much as they helped me.


1. Thou shalt give unconditional love

It’s easy to be in love when love means romantic dinners, exotic travels and nice gifts. Learn to love even if your partner could give you none of the aforementioned and instead requires your patience, understanding, tolerance and support.

2. Thou shalt make your partner feel s/he is your priority

Nothing expresses love more than making the person feel that s/he is important to you. No matter how busy your week is or what exciting activities you have lined up, always find time to check in with your partner and to spend quality time together. Fully focus on bonding instead of getting distracted with your social media feed or work matters.

3. Thou shalt be consistent and reliable

Strive to be a pillar of support for your partner. As we grow older, life gets increasingly complex to navigate. Make it a point to become someone your partner can always count on during difficult times. Build a strong foundation of trust by being clear on your stand on issues and honor your word and promises (no matter how small).

4. Thou shalt lift her/him up instead of bringing her/him down

Resist the temptation of saying hurtful words when your partner makes a mistake. Summon your inner Zen master and practice compassion in your response to the situation. Choose to use the occasion to strengthen the bond, over letting the incident cause a rift in the relationship.

5. Thou shalt support a joint decision with her/his interests in mind

Relationship is all about compromises and it is not always easy. When in a conflicting situation, put yourself in her/his shoes and factor in her/his interests and concerns in your decision. Make her/him feel that you empathize and are on her/his side.


6. Thou shalt respect her/his need for me-time and full self-expression

The best union is when you’re interdependent, not co-dependent. Make room for your partner to enjoy time alone and to freely express what s/he thinks and feels. This allows you and your partner to each maintain your individuality, which is paramount for the relationship to thrive.

7. Thou shalt encourage her/him to nurture her/his passion

Very often relationships fall apart because people are unhappy with their lives. By encouraging your partner to nurture her/his passion, you create the opportunities for her/him to become a happy and fulfilled individual. This ultimately contributes to a healthy and loving relationship.

8. Thou shalt accept and appreciate her/him for who s/he is right now

Avoid thinking “I’ll love her/him more when s/he becomes..”. Life is right now, not some imaginary future conjured in your mind. Accept and appreciate the imperfections of your partner and work on growing together.

9. Thou shalt ask thyself “what can I give”, not “what can I get?”

Find out how your partner would like to be loved and supported. Communicate in her/his love language as often as possible. Focus on how you can meet her/his needs and make her/his life better because you’re in it.

10. Thou shalt create many good moments together

Aim to create as many happy memories together as possible. It could be a shared moment of laughter or exchanging looks of mutual adoration. All of these add to your love tank to tap on when challenging times strike.

What are your struggles and tips on developing a solid loving relationship? Share your thoughts and experiences with us in the comments below.

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Sylvia Huang

Social media coach, helping new and small biz owners to grow their brand and tribe online .

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6 Comments on "How To Build A Good Loving Relationship"

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Melissa Rose Rothschild
Member

“I shall treat my significant other as I would like to be treated “
Love these Sylvia… I added one more 😘

Akiroq Brost
Member

I loved all of these Sylvia. In particular, I loved #6. It’s important to maintain a sense of self and to not lose oneself in the relationship or the other person. #7 Encouraging self-love and self-care in each other, will help the relationship. Life is not about the other person, but rather about you first and then you with that other person. I believe a lot of relationships fall apart because of this. We need to love ourselves as much, if not more than we love anyone else! #8 Yes, just as we must practice self-acceptance, so must we be able to accept the other person as they are. Acceptance is not conditional on performance.

In my personal relationships, in the past, my biggest struggle was communication. I communicated a lot, but my partner did not himself. I can’t stress enough that communication needs to be reciprocal. We can’t assume that people will know what we are thining and feeling. We shouldn’t put other people in a position where they need to guess and try and fill in the blanks.

Great article. Thank you.

Cyndi
Guest
Cyndi

My husband and myself have been married 37 years one rule ,we have is never go to bed mad no matter what ,never no what could happen.
As My great-grandparents did one night they had a horrible fight and my grandmother said I will never talk to you for the rest of my life and then went to sleep angry that night sadly as they slept through the night die and my great-grandfather never woke up .
Those were the last words she had said to him not I love you just anger ….
so our families rule is to always said our last words to family even friends is I love you or take care.
But honestly getting back to relationships love is important hold your husband wife very dearly you never know when the last moment last day is one can get sick or Diane accident always take and treat everyday like it’s your last because you don’t know when it is remember romance with in the relationship making dates as before you got married love notes all those things you did to make him or her to fell in love with you
Keep them falling in love with you over and over again each moment ,

Huong Vu
Guest
Huong Vu

The Ten commendments regarding to loving relationship is so love and powerful Rules. I cherish and embraced this precious loving Relationship Rules. (I feel a live when I read it), and It teaches me tremendously lessons to learn.and understandings.

Thank You God for Your Mercy.

Thank You for your supports and share these important informations

Yessenia
Guest
Yessenia

Recently I’ve been struggling with the decision of either walking away from someone or sticking around. I love him, but he is currently going through a transition in his life, and the change allows for very little time for us to spend together. That being said, he checks in everyday, various times throughout the day. He is one of the greatest people I know. But selfishly… I want to come first, and lose focus on what it is he needs in order to reach his goals right now, establish his career, which in the long run will help him become a better man.

I have prayed about what God wants me to do, asking him to lead my steps. Precisely yesterday I was praying about this very situation, and today I receive these 10 commandments, which speak directly to my heart and shine light onto what God is asking from me at this very moment.

So thank you for being an answer to my prayer!

Pam Davis
Guest
Pam Davis

That is exactly how I feel….