Be selfish in your forgiving. Forgive for yourself and for the peace it will bring to your pain. Forgiveness has very little to do with the other person. Forgiveness is about your peace of mind. When you don’t forgive, you are the one who suffers. When we refuse to forgive someone, we deeply jeopardize our own well-being. When we condemn others we condemn ourselves. When we judge and agonize over another’s faults, we become attached to their imbalance and sickness. When we hold-on to someone’s imperfections we become emotionally pair-bonded to their maladies. At a deeper level, when we constantly meditate on another’s faults, it may be because we are neglecting our own unhealed wounds.
A good place to begin, is to forgive yourself for judging in the first place. Forgiveness is another way of saying, “I need to mind my own business.” We all know we should not judge. We know judging others is usually unproductive — even when we are right. People are going to do bad things we don’t like — even terribly hurtful things. If you try to hold people to your standard of conduct you will go mad with disappointment and grief. Forgiveness is not a magnanimous act of generosity and benevolence toward others. Forgiveness does not make you great, special or good. But forgiveness can help you to be sane. Through forgiveness you can be free of the tragedies and pain in other people’s failures.
“The willingness to forgive is a sign of spiritual and emotional maturity. It is one of the great virtues to which we all should aspire.”
— Gordon B. Hinckley
The best part, is when you do forgive, even selfishly, for yourself and your own sanity, and not because ‘they’ deserve it, something magical happens. You see, forgiveness, no matter how painful or difficult, is a gift. Forgiveness — is for giving. But the gift of forgiveness is a treasure that multiplies the more you try to spend it. Forgiveness blesses both the hand of the recipient and the giver. Forgiveness, no matter your motive, is a dynamic of mutual healing.
I promise you, that when you reach out to those you need to forgive, it is you that will be touched and healed. When you give others a new chance, a new chance is really being given to you. Let the power of forgiveness bless you and heal your agony and pain.
“When you release someone from a transgression, you’re actually releasing yourself. Accept the apology you’ll never receive.”
— Shawne Duperon