Defeating the Cycle of Psychological Violence Towards Yourself

What to do If you are feeling driven to judge and criticize.

When you actively judge and criticize others, you are exercising and practising this perspective, this way of thinking and being.

Over time, you’ll find it easier and easier to judge others and you’ll also find more and more fault with yourself. Judgement and critique are mindsets that are harmful to not only others, but also to your relationships as well as to yourself.

You are what you practice. Where are you putting your attention, focus and energy? Is it to tear people down or to build them up?

Consider the consequences of being that person who throws around judgements and critique. The person who always has something negative to say about others behind their backs. Do you honestly believe that such a person feels good about their actions and who they are? Or, is some part of themselves appalled and revolted by their own behavior?

Let’s look at the other side of this. How do you think the person who is always looking for the good in others feels? The person who lifts other people up. Who encourages them, who builds them up. The person who speaks lovingly about people behind their backs.

I bet that person sleeps great at night and feels great about themselves! Chances are that if they can find the good in others, then they can also find the good in themselves.

The next time you want to jump to judgement or criticize someone consider that you are limited in your own knowledge and understanding. You can never assume to know what is in the mind of another. Just as no one can assume to know what you are thinking. You may not know the motivation behind a person’s words or actions. You can’t assume others see and understand things from your perspective. As such, you can’t judge them using your perspective.

If you are feeling driven to judge and criticize, ask yourself: Why is that? What is really going on? Do you have a wound that you need to address? Do you need to heal? Do you need to engage in some self-care? Do you need to love yourself more? Where is this anger and negativity coming from?

It is not natural to go around wanting to hurt others.

Always act in a way that will facilitate the growth of your own self-love. If you act in a way you loathe, it will be harder to love yourself. If you fall out of self-love you will also fall out of self-acceptance. Once that happens, the harsh self-critique and self-judgement begins. You’ll enter into a self-defeating cycle of psychological violence towards yourself. This will in turn affect every aspect of your life and it will adversely affect the quality of your life.

Chances are that the more you critique and judge yourself the more you will do the same to others. This pattern left unchecked, will self-perpetuate.

What is worse is that when we judge and critique others, we propagate and encourage this behaviour in others as well. If it is OK for them, it must also be OK for me. They deserve what they dish out. Who do they think they are? They’re not perfect either! It’s just a downward spiral from there. Just like respect breeds so does disrespect.

Is this really something we want to advocate for? Is this what we want to put our time and energy into? Is this the impression we want to leave in this world? Is this our legacy?

The answer is a clear “No”. It is up to us to be mindful of our words and actions. We must hold ourselves responsible and accountable for both our actions and the consequences of those actions. We must exercise some forethought. Not just for the well-being of others but also for our own well-being. We owe it to ourselves to act in our own self-interest. Sabotaging ourselves is not acting our best interest. We deserve better!

Take the time, invest the energy in your self-care.

Do the work. Heal your wounds. Learn to love yourself again. Practice forgiveness, compassion, and acceptance of yourself. Celebrate what makes you, you. Put aside your self-judgement and critique.

You will find that when you learn to love and accept yourself without judgement, without critique, that you will also find it much easier to do the same with others.

Lastly, if this has been a pattern for you, start with forgiveness for yourself. Don’t make matters worse by beating yourself up over things already done. If you can make amends, make right a wrong, do that. But if there is nothing you can do, let it go! Don’t harbor resentment against yourself. None of us are perfect. We all make mistakes. We are all learning and growing. It is OK!

One of the best and most meaningful ways to apologize is to engage in changed behavior.


Akiroq Brost

Akiroq is a Human Potential Inspirational writer, who has a passion for helping others explore and harness the extraordinary potential that lies within each and every one of us.

Related Articles

Leave a Reply

22 Comment threads
23 Thread replies
Most reacted comment
Hottest comment thread
22 Comment authors
Akiroq BrostJo DavismichelleJulia Hardy.Jatinder Kumar Ahooja Recent comment authors
newest oldest most voted
Notify of
Jo Davis

A wonderful way to look at how we engage by 1st looking at ourselves! So smart! Thank you @akiroq


great artical to share always one with a big heart i have done wrong before made me feel bad not good enough in my own abilities also had great bad stuff happen to us i’m now in court fighting for our right which is coming now were protected by our judge my sons case wont close we have been stripped twice once after another for none of our own fault but was made to be so i do believe in a way they did enjoy what they caused us dont think they do turly go bed happy in themselves but then that’s there ways i did not succumb to it and stude my own ground now its in the judge’s hands to make the call i live every moment reframe proud and happy i do forgive them because it helps me be a better and not so bitter person


Fabulous article Akiroq thank you. Sharing with💜


I’ve already entered into a self-defeating cycle of psychological violence against myself. May I have many wounds at the same time, I have the capacity to bear even the worst physical hurt, it’s just one mental hurt I have since decades that I can’t overcome. This is the one and only one I need to address. Because of what took place, something most unwanted, kept attacking me for very many years, more or less daily, one of them for complete 8 years. Because of what they’ve done to me, I don’t want to live, but death is not ready to welcome me and at the same time, life is not allowing me to live.
I have much more to tell in the same context, but I’ll do so only if it be only in your cycle, nowhere else. Even though it’s the easiest thing to break, still I believe that you’ll keep to your promise.

Yes….nobody’s perfect.. criticizing has no space in every human..dont do unto others what others dont want you to do..❤


Criticizing another’s actions or talking behind their backs does not seem to a psychological violence towards myself. I t don’t know how Psychologists interpret it but I feel I should let the world know about bad behaviour!I don’t understand their perspective ok but I can sense n feel the bad vibes! How can u be on the receiving end always?Personally,I find it difficult to forget and forgive after I’ve forgotten n forgiven umpteen times! I’m being bad to myself! I don’t think so! I’m just trying to save myself from selfish,ungrateful people!

Vasudevan Bhattathir

I love this article this gives some insight to our way of thinking. positive thinking will help us and people around us .start the day with positive ideas. i think that we have no right to criticizes others once we criticize we are expressing our stored experiences.and ideas we have no idea what others thinking and acting.

this is a good article thank you.

Robina fazal

Thanks!Sweet.. Akiroq Brost.. ❤👑💐for Sharing with us a nice..inspiring article.. it’s good and a healthy feeling…for one to love one own self.. respect care ..own self.. faith in own self…trust in own instincts and lead a happy..prosperous life…if we are that strong.we should have resistance and respect for others…we should love ,care all..we should ignore others bad notions.. behaviours treatment or their inner instincts..or inner demons.. to harm some have such psycy and mental problems..that they although are a Source of love ,care and respect…you..but when they get time to upset you they never miss a chance..on the other hand they feel you strong and healthy enough to give them mental ease and benefits…you will not make trouble for go on with them..So it’s life you have to face something’s .you have to be brace enough and soft for some people .but not let yourself down.. be patient and don’t let your demons alive dealing them..if you do at time will start punishing yourself you will become yours critic..a angry will try to make them sound will feel at times are wrong in some way .you will get depress and will accuse yourself for don’t let yourself face the inner violence..let go things..forgive others.. forget things..remain cool,relax.. and calm.hace peace of Soul. mind and patient . be brave..concentrate on your routines.and duties with courage.will power and by trust in your capabilities..and do your best ..Every thing will become better…life will become better..and in yourself all…❤💐Amen


if ones attention is good- than judgement is a good thing
really violence=and judgement = bs
new age controlling in action
this article does not aid- it is negative!!!

Wong Lok

Thanks a lot for sharing your detailed insight <3 This article made my day. It helped me to realise when i judge myself, i would eventually judge others in other way. Judgement isn't healthy for our mental well being. I really admire your persistence on encouraging others <3 you are on the right track to help heal the world <3 much love and best wishes, loklok