GrowthPosts

Defeating the Cycle of Psychological Violence Towards Yourself

What to do If you are feeling driven to judge and criticize.

When you actively judge and criticize others, you are exercising and practising this perspective, this way of thinking and being.

Over time, you’ll find it easier and easier to judge others and you’ll also find more and more fault with yourself. Judgement and critique are mindsets that are harmful to not only others, but also to your relationships as well as to yourself.

You are what you practice. Where are you putting your attention, focus and energy? Is it to tear people down or to build them up?

Consider the consequences of being that person who throws around judgements and critique. The person who always has something negative to say about others behind their backs. Do you honestly believe that such a person feels good about their actions and who they are? Or, is some part of themselves appalled and revolted by their own behavior?

Let’s look at the other side of this. How do you think the person who is always looking for the good in others feels? The person who lifts other people up. Who encourages them, who builds them up. The person who speaks lovingly about people behind their backs.

I bet that person sleeps great at night and feels great about themselves! Chances are that if they can find the good in others, then they can also find the good in themselves.

The next time you want to jump to judgement or criticize someone consider that you are limited in your own knowledge and understanding. You can never assume to know what is in the mind of another. Just as no one can assume to know what you are thinking. You may not know the motivation behind a person’s words or actions. You can’t assume others see and understand things from your perspective. As such, you can’t judge them using your perspective.

If you are feeling driven to judge and criticize, ask yourself: Why is that? What is really going on? Do you have a wound that you need to address? Do you need to heal? Do you need to engage in some self-care? Do you need to love yourself more? Where is this anger and negativity coming from?


It is not natural to go around wanting to hurt others.

Always act in a way that will facilitate the growth of your own self-love. If you act in a way you loathe, it will be harder to love yourself. If you fall out of self-love you will also fall out of self-acceptance. Once that happens, the harsh self-critique and self-judgement begins. You’ll enter into a self-defeating cycle of psychological violence towards yourself. This will in turn affect every aspect of your life and it will adversely affect the quality of your life.

Chances are that the more you critique and judge yourself the more you will do the same to others. This pattern left unchecked, will self-perpetuate.

What is worse is that when we judge and critique others, we propagate and encourage this behaviour in others as well. If it is OK for them, it must also be OK for me. They deserve what they dish out. Who do they think they are? They’re not perfect either! It’s just a downward spiral from there. Just like respect breeds so does disrespect.

Is this really something we want to advocate for? Is this what we want to put our time and energy into? Is this the impression we want to leave in this world? Is this our legacy?

The answer is a clear “No”. It is up to us to be mindful of our words and actions. We must hold ourselves responsible and accountable for both our actions and the consequences of those actions. We must exercise some forethought. Not just for the well-being of others but also for our own well-being. We owe it to ourselves to act in our own self-interest. Sabotaging ourselves is not acting our best interest. We deserve better!

Take the time, invest the energy in your self-care.

Do the work. Heal your wounds. Learn to love yourself again. Practice forgiveness, compassion, and acceptance of yourself. Celebrate what makes you, you. Put aside your self-judgement and critique.

You will find that when you learn to love and accept yourself without judgement, without critique, that you will also find it much easier to do the same with others.

Lastly, if this has been a pattern for you, start with forgiveness for yourself. Don’t make matters worse by beating yourself up over things already done. If you can make amends, make right a wrong, do that. But if there is nothing you can do, let it go! Don’t harbor resentment against yourself. None of us are perfect. We all make mistakes. We are all learning and growing. It is OK!

One of the best and most meaningful ways to apologize is to engage in changed behavior.

Tags

Akiroq Brost

Akiroq is a Human Potential Inspirational writer, who has a passion for helping others explore and harness the extraordinary potential that lies within each and every one of us.

Related Articles

45
Leave a Reply

avatar
22 Comment threads
23 Thread replies
8 Followers
 
Most reacted comment
Hottest comment thread
22 Comment authors
Akiroq BrostJo DavismichelleJulia Hardy.Jatinder Kumar Ahooja Recent comment authors
  Subscribe  
newest oldest most voted
Notify of
Robina fazal
Member

Thanks..Akiroq Brost..❤👑💐Nice article.. Yeah it’s us who can uplift our thoughts.. our moods..our heart ease to feel life pleasant and worth living.. what others say..their behaviour.. we should not take it as stroke on ourselves..or to make us worry..Let them think wht they think or feel..we have to hear from one ear..and should realise at once from other ear.. 😃Mean to say if we feel so much wht others say..what they hit upon us at times..there behaviour or attitude is not good..it is there problem.. we if are right in our doings..in our thoughts..in our day to day dealing..we should not made tussle with them..ignore them..take things lightly.. avoid the tense situations.. with a nice Smile…by changing the topic . By changing the place..we can’t make others convinced that they are not doing right.. we have to defend our selves. Our health.. our mind and Soul..why wasting energy on such people who’nature is diseased and tense.. they are habitual to çrear fuss and panic for others ..to make others upset.. and they want others to do always according to their manners and thinking.. You are your own fellow..you should love ,care respect yourself.. and be silent not argue with such people…they will not change it’s for your good to take them lightly . to let go..Do your duties well..when they saw you have no problem with their attitudes..They will at least not been able to çrear much fuss..Wht ever your circumstances..make them lively by focusing on your own well mannerd ..nice behaviours and atitudes..love ..respect.. and care three main things..that makes you humble…and others feel good with you..and they trust you..They realise by themselves that you are your own master..you can handle thick and thin ..you can make the situation better in no time..you remain calm..relaxed and cool…So you are in ease..and they can’t take unnecessary advantages from you..They remain in their own circle and boundaries.. So be your lover.. be your Soul mate.. think good..and positive.. love your guts and instincts.. make use of your capabilities.. and energies in most better ways .as much will power and confidence..you gain .you can lead quite a happy..healthy.. beautiful life..❤💐Amen

Vasudevan Bhattathir
Member

I love this article this gives some insight to our way of thinking. positive thinking will help us and people around us .start the day with positive ideas. i think that we have no right to criticizes others once we criticize we are expressing our stored experiences.and ideas we have no idea what others thinking and acting.

this is a good article thank you.

Wong Lok
Admin

Thanks a lot for sharing your detailed insight <3 This article made my day. It helped me to realise when i judge myself, i would eventually judge others in other way. Judgement isn't healthy for our mental well being. I really admire your persistence on encouraging others <3 you are on the right track to help heal the world <3 much love and best wishes, loklok

michelle
Guest
michelle

great artical to share always one with a big heart i have done wrong before made me feel bad not good enough in my own abilities also had great bad stuff happen to us i’m now in court fighting for our right which is coming now were protected by our judge my sons case wont close we have been stripped twice once after another for none of our own fault but was made to be so i do believe in a way they did enjoy what they caused us dont think they do turly go bed happy in themselves but then that’s there ways i did not succumb to it and stude my own ground now its in the judge’s hands to make the call i live every moment reframe proud and happy i do forgive them because it helps me be a better and not so bitter person

JuliaPathfinder
Member

Fabulous article Akiroq thank you. Sharing with💜

jkahooja
Member

I’ve already entered into a self-defeating cycle of psychological violence against myself. May I have many wounds at the same time, I have the capacity to bear even the worst physical hurt, it’s just one mental hurt I have since decades that I can’t overcome. This is the one and only one I need to address. Because of what took place, something most unwanted, kept attacking me for very many years, more or less daily, one of them for complete 8 years. Because of what they’ve done to me, I don’t want to live, but death is not ready to welcome me and at the same time, life is not allowing me to live.
I have much more to tell in the same context, but I’ll do so only if it be only in your cycle, nowhere else. Even though it’s the easiest thing to break, still I believe that you’ll keep to your promise.

bautistadulzeh81@gmail.com
Guest

Yes….nobody’s perfect.. criticizing has no space in every human..dont do unto others what others dont want you to do..❤

Rachna
Guest
Rachna

Criticizing another’s actions or talking behind their backs does not seem to a psychological violence towards myself. I t don’t know how Psychologists interpret it but I feel I should let the world know about bad behaviour!I don’t understand their perspective ok but I can sense n feel the bad vibes! How can u be on the receiving end always?Personally,I find it difficult to forget and forgive after I’ve forgotten n forgiven umpteen times! I’m being bad to myself! I don’t think so! I’m just trying to save myself from selfish,ungrateful people!

Robina fazal
Member

Thanks!Sweet.. Akiroq Brost.. ❤👑💐for Sharing with us a nice..inspiring article.. it’s good and a healthy feeling…for one to love one own self.. respect care ..own self.. faith in own self…trust in own instincts and capabilities..to lead a happy..prosperous life…if we are that strong.we should have resistance and respect for others…we should love ,care all..we should ignore others bad notions.. behaviours treatment or their inner instincts..or inner demons.. to harm us..as some have such psycy and mental problems..that they although are a Source of love ,care and respect…you..but when they get time to upset you they never miss a chance..on the other hand they feel you strong and healthy enough to give them mental ease and benefits…you will not make trouble for them..you go on with them..So it’s life you have to face something’s .you have to be brace enough and soft for some people .but not let yourself down.. be patient and don’t let your demons alive dealing them..if you do at time this..you will start punishing yourself you will become yours critic..a angry person.you will try to make them sound ..you will feel at times ..you are wrong in some way .you will get depress and will accuse yourself for problems..so don’t let yourself face the inner violence..let go things..forgive others.. forget things..remain cool,relax.. and calm.hace peace of Soul. mind and body..be patient . be brave..concentrate on your routines.and duties with courage.will power and by trust in your capabilities..and do your best ..Every thing will become better…life will become better..and in ease..love yourself ..love all…❤💐Amen

peterreynolds
Guest
peterreynolds

if ones attention is good- than judgement is a good thing
really violence=and judgement = bs
new age controlling in action
this article does not aid- it is negative!!!

peterreynolds
Guest
peterreynolds

this is a very narrowminded article- oh know I judged it

Gail walsh
Guest
Gail walsh

I really want to do this but I’m not succeeding

Suzan Muhialdeen
Guest
Suzan Muhialdeen

Very good article ,i noticed that criticism, judgment and blame could defeat or destroy the relationships between people,for example some people could see and criticise others mistakes but they can’t see or notice their mistakes ,they see or imagine their actions ,behaviours and themself perfect,so it is diffcult to deal with someone can’t admit his faults and don’t feel sorry for it,i think a little bit of self criticism from time to time is good to adjust any mistakes in behaviours, but of course not blame ourselves every day over things we can’t change and as the quote said( it is no use crying over spilt milk), so the key is self- love and forgiveness which leads to love others too .

Vickey Elam Waldo
Guest
Vickey Elam Waldo

It’s so hard to Love, / be nice to my own spouse when all he does Is Lie, Lie, Lie, to me. I hate a Lier, /Cheater/ etc, etc, & the Worse part about it is. He knows & I don’t have no place to go. It makes me Irate The the things he does. I get so irate I tend to get out of control & go Jackie Chan on him. Bc I don’t put up with no BS, I hate it with a passion. So that being said this is just a little bit of my problems I’m dealing with. So I thought I would leave you a message. letting you know I did read ur post. Yes I’m behind but I’ve always been a late person. Thanks for all ur post. Continue doing Wat u do best

Lynn
Guest
Lynn

Very good advice. If you can say to yourself I don’t know what is going on with this person, but I don’t want to make matters worse. If you don’t know how to help just smile and say hi. One friendly smile could turn their day around. It doesn’t cost anything and it could save someone’s life. See if you don’t feel better afterwards. You have to help yourself before you can help others.

Margo
Member

I think we all observe and make judgements to an extent. It’s a built in safety mechanism to prevent us from danger. Criticising isn’t necessary nor are rude comments, or gossip. It happens though, even though I don’t get involved with it myself. People will disagree with others. We are human beings with emotions and behaviour which are both susceptible to critique, making mistakes or judgement. People do it everywhere, all the time. If possible, rise above it and leave them to it.This is a minefield of a topic! I feel that the cycle of Psychogical violence towards ourselves can come about for different reasons and take form in a variety of ways. Sometimes we can hate ourselves and our lives. Sometimes people may have had a tough upbringing, therefore they may resent what others have and they don’t have. It can be self-hatred due to abuse or many other things. We just be ourselves in order to break a cycle. Change your attitude to change your behaviour. However, that is easier said.

Eve
Guest
Eve

Live and let live…My way of living…TRY IT!!!

patricia jackson
Guest
patricia jackson

wow ! another great article that is key to how we live our live and how the quality of our life is. I can tell you that I used to be so judge metal, critique others was just all around a negative person. my anger towards someone usually had nothing to do with them. I created drama and chaos and lived in that state. my relationships were both of us blaming each other, putting each other down and it just keep going round and round. I felt no happiness or peace in my life and neither did the people around me. I would just assume a situation jump to conclusions and that created displaced anger and sadness in me. I had no self love for myself or self worth , many trips to hospitals thinking how I did not want to be in this world. why was I here I would ask feeling sorry for myself cause I did not have this and this person was this and on and on. wow I am so glad that person is long gone. I had some a lot of tragedy a very abusive relationship and the person I loved the most I hurt and had a chance of losing her forever. my complete turn around came from this. I wanted so bad to have happiness self love to be a good person and to be a good Mom. it was what my daughter deserved at the very least. it was a slow hard process I had to start changing my thought, I had a great spiritual awakening which I had great faith in God. I changed my environment. I had a great support group with domestic violence which literally after a year I left my abuser which is huge! and mental health, along with a therapist I am blessed to have for four years that truly helped me. my psychiatrist I am also so blessed to have. I have my family; I mention all of this because they were vital in the person I am today. and yes I do give myself a lot of credit to it was far from easy but I would do it again in a heartbeat. it is never to late I was in a dark deep place and thought as of today in reality I might not be here. it is different in others what makes them have what I call a revelation. living on my own for the first time helped me know myself and forgive myself and love myself. amazingly I was able to let go of resentments shame and guilt. all that sentence is the key to being able to be kind, not judge, have a desire to want to help others because of what you have gone through domestic violence and mental health. it is my purpose and passion. and when you can find that you just want to keep making the world a better place. I will say prayers for those struggling to love themselves and are in hard times but I believe in you, we are all unique and here for a reason. everything happens for a reason you may not see it now but if I did nit go through the times I did I would never be the person I am today. I not only forgave myself but my abuser that was for me it allowed me to let go.I embrace my past, learn and continue to grow from it and wake up don’t let problems spill over, be positive, try to inspire others , and help them that is what makes me happy. i have goals and dream today and start bit by bit to get towards them. we all deserve happiness and peace!! your worth we only live once, do what ya gotta do to love yourself so you can love others!!!!!!! one spark of hope you have it in you!!!!!just believe! have Faith! we can spin our world in the right direction!!

Tiffany Newsome
Guest
Tiffany Newsome

I totally agree! And practice in most cases make perfect!

Zeeshan
Guest
Zeeshan

This article is superb

IreneCarlson
Member

You should never judge others as you have judged me. Shocking! I love myself I love others that show love loyalty and truth. Walk in the shoes of humility and learn, Understanding takes practice, before making judgments one must know the true facts of all sides. is my advice. I live a life of giving and indeed a wonderful gift. Wishing you growth peace and understanding as you travel seeking a highway of truths.

Jo Davis
Member

A wonderful way to look at how we engage by 1st looking at ourselves! So smart! Thank you @akiroq