You know the feeling: it was the party you didn’t want to go to, the job you took because you had to, and then your eyes locked and your body started to do some kind of random jig, turning your face from an interesting English rose to a valentine bouquet of scarlet.
Who the heck is that? And why am I suddenly acting like I have no control over my body?
You can put it down to sexual attraction, but often this isn’t even with someone who you would normally look twice at. This kind of energetic intrigue is multi-leveled; it normally has a purpose if we are brave enough to follow. However it is a tightrope walk, fall one side and we can believe this person is our soul mate and we must be together no matter what the cost. Fall the other side and we become paralysed with fear and spend the rest of our lives wondering what might have been.
On top of the rope is inquiry, where we learn more about ourselves than we could have thought one person could teach us. Here’s a few possibilities behind the connection that our intuition might be trying to tell us:
Past Lives — Something Unfulfilled
When you look into their eyes for the first time, you think, ‘I know you’. There is plenty of evidence of the belief in past lives, but if you believe or not, you’re likely to have had that feeling that you know someone even though you have never met. Something that is unfulfilled between two people, might not come back to you from the person involved; but as we are all connected, the apology, the karma, the connection can be fulfilled by someone else.
Sometimes you meet and nothing more happens, the reconnection was enough. Sometimes you have another journey together in this lifetime. A past life connection doesn’t mean you have to connect in this lifetime. However, it might be a case of unfinished business. Our contracts with people are strong and bind from one lifetime to the next. I believe this is why when we get married they say ‘until death do us part’. Reconnecting can set us free from our past life convictions and feel like we are coming home into the arms of a long lost lover.
The One in Your Shadow
The black swan is the opposite of the white swan; we all have a dark and light side of which we are, ‘yourself in the sun and yourself in the shadow’. Sometimes we meet someone who embodies our shadow. Believe it or not, these people are intriguing to us and they are hard to walk away from. They are everything we are not, but because we feel it in ourselves we try and heal it in them. Thinking if only they knew what we know they could be amazing people, they could be our soul mate; they would be just like us. Somehow our complete opposite feels closer to us, than someone who shares our values. If we don’t walk away, they can often bring us down to their level. These relationships change you; sometimes they make you clear of your values and boundaries. They make you stronger. Yet they can also crash your self-esteem. ‘Daddy I have fallen for a monster’ isn’t so cute when they really are a psychopath.
The One in the Mirror — The Reflection Mate
Everything you are, you can see in their eyes. When you talk, they reflect back to you things you can’t see for yourself as if they were you, coaching yourself. These people are beautiful for personal growth. Often they come as a friend as being in a relationship with them can be exhausting. It would be like living with your psychotherapist monitoring your every move. They know you so well as they are just like you but evolved on from where you are. They are like the perfect mentor. However, these friendships don’t last forever; they are easily exhausted. One is always giving love and the other is always receiving. Strangely it’s not the giver that gets fed up and moves on; it’s the receiver of love that moves on. They learn so much from the healing of the giver, once healed they want to heal others and become the giver. It is the giver of love who really is getting the most in any relationship, and if the giver can’t be given too, they will lose the vessel that they are pouring their love into. Like a coffee cup, an empty cup is cold, but when the ‘coffee of love’ is poured into it, it changes and starts to take on the energy of love itself. Then it becomes warm and full and needs to pour this love into another vessel. If the love giver can’t accept the ‘coffee of love’ back, it will be poured into another’s heart. Sad you might think, but the love giver will hopefully have learned to share next time round. It’s about being able to be vulnerable enough to accept another’s love; giving is the easy bit.
The Archetypes — Actors in Your Story
The ego is made up of many sub-personality or archetypes that we have made up as emotional masks that protect us from getting hurt. Some of these masks were made in childhood as we learnt what aspects of ourselves were accepted and not accepted. As the ego is all about self-protection, it still looks for what will be agreeable to the ‘tribe’ and what won’t be. So we can meet someone who has the same levels of archetype self-protection as we do. We connect on a pain and protection level. The only problem with this is when we meet someone who has the archetype we need to fulfil a belief we have about people. For example, when a victim or frightened child archetype meets a protagonist or bully, there then becomes an old story being acted out by the same characters and being played by different actors again and again. You can feel a connection with a person when they are able to act out what you believe you deserve. You might believe you have met someone different only to find yourself in a ‘groundhog day’ situation as the same story plays out in your life again. How do we know who the actors of our life are?, We just intuitively connect to them until we change the story.
The moment our eyes lock with someone we are sexually attracted to, oxytocin is released either directly into the blood via the pituitary gland or to other parts of the brain and spinal cord. It makes us turn to goo. Oxytocin is responsible for what’s known as ‘the baby brain’ when a new mother can only think of the baby, and nothing else; sound familiar in love? Oxytocin is released in response to skin-to-skin contact, even when you just brush the hand of someone you are attracted to. Oxytocin is the cause of a cascade of reactions within the body, including the release of endorphins and testosterone, resulting in biological and psychological arousal. It promotes a bond of intimacy, closeness and desire, thereby increasing sexual receptiveness. It appears to also be responsible for the cause of orgasms. So when we believe in love, at first sight, it’s often an oxytocin rush that we are feeling. The reason for this rush is that Mother Nature is trying to make some babies! For a woman if she hasn’t conceived within the first several times of being with a new lover, the oxytocin is taken away. She goes from ‘I have never felt this way before’ to ‘he’s had his hair cut and I’ve gone right off him’. No wonder people were taught no sex before marriage!
Relationships are our greatest learning tool if you analyse ourselves in reaction to others, rather than analysing others to see if they can change enough to be a perfect match for us. There are no perfect matches, but there are connections with meaning. Unfortunately, most of us don’t know the meaning of the love we have, until long after it is over.