Primal doubts are the worst; I’m ugly, I’m fat, I’m not smart or good enough. The difficult thing is that no matter how inaccurate — primal doubts can seem very real — and what seems real is real in a psychosomatic sense. And, the world can indeed judge us very harshly, and those judgments can truly impact our lives in ways that are catastrophic to our self-image if we are not deeply secure in ourselves. But no matter how the world judges us, it’s ultimately our inner demons that we contend with day-to-day; a fight no one can win for us, but ourselves. The battle takes place in the mind and is fought with our inherited and modeled skills, and our inner-voice.
I receive thousands of letters from people begging for help with their primal doubts; women with wounded hearts who hate their bodies; young girls with scars on their faces from accidents; people with a wandering eye or some imperfection that takes center stage in their own dialogue of personal tragedy that never seems to end. These letters weigh so heavily upon my heart. Sometimes I will go and look at the photos of the person who has sent me a message. I never see what they see. I gravitate toward the beauty in life. I don’t see the scar. The scar is lost in the landscape of the total person; the smile, the laughter, the twinkling in an eye — the landscape of a person is so large that minor details are lost as the human being shines through. But, this is how I see the world; this is how I see people. Primal doubts are often based on a small reality that cannot be denied and is then amplified. You cannot argue with someone’s loneliness. You cannot argue with someone’s desperation when it is based on years of rejection. These are real problems. I want to reach out to them and show them what I see. But that’s the problem; they don’t see what I see.
“Comparison is an act of violence against the self.”
— Iyanla Vanzant
Comparison is always the beginning of the death of self-love. Comparison is a daily brutalization against the self-esteem. Comparison sets the mark on its daily measure toward inevitable failure, and inadequacy. It doesn’t matter how beautiful you are because there is always someone more beautiful. It doesn’t matter how intelligent you are because there is always someone more intelligent. It doesn’t matter how much money you have because there is always someone with more money. It doesn’t matter how successful you are because there is always someone more successful. You see, this is a game you can never win. It does not matter how real your perceived deficits are; what matters is how you give life to them and amplify them through comparison and judgment against yourself. You are the supreme adjudicator of worthiness in your life. You decide how satisfied you are with yourself; no one else. You must cease all viciousness toward yourself once and for all. You can only evolve beyond the vicious self-analysis and violent comparison to others through loving yourself. If you can silence your constant judging you can have deeper levels of love and friendship with others and yourself.
At the center of your being is a tender spirit of benevolence and goodness. Learning to love yourself is really a process of learning to trust this benevolence. There is beauty and strength in your animated spirit that defies death with each supporting breath. Even if you don’t think you love yourself — you do. You live! You struggle! You move towards warmth and support. You have a tremendous will for life! You are moving in life toward a calling that pulls you ever forward. No matter what type of problems and dis-harmonies you have in life, there is a great benevolent force of goodness encouraging your journey. Don’t be hobbled by the petty dramas of the world, or by comparison and illusions of inadequacy and insignificance. Never doubt the treasure of your matchless life. What is unique has no comparison. Be so loving to yourself. Allow the tender benevolence within you to be ever so generous and kind with your self appraisals. Self-kindness can be applied to your inner-relationship, like salve to the insecurities that arise within you. You have a great and innate ability to express love and kindness inward in a way that nurtures your own insecurities. You can chose to be merciful to yourself. You can begin with one simple acknowledgement of gratitude. Start with one kind thought about yourself this moment.
“Pause and remember– You are unique. You are special. Every mistake, trial and hardship has helped to sculpt your real beauty. Stop hating yourself and start appreciating and loving yourself!”
— Jenni Young McGill
Read more in the SimpleRemindersbook.com