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7 Traits of a Serial Victim

Whether you consider yourself to be a victim or someone else, becoming aware of these behaviors is the first step to break from it.

Most self-help, personal growth, and motivational advice is consistent with the declaration that a victim mentality is bad for us: physically bad, emotionally bad, and spiritually bad. The televangelist, Pastor Joel Osteen urges, “Have a victor mentality, not a victim mentality. Yet, despite what we all know on the inside, being a victim sometimes just feels so comfortable, so usual, so familiar. It is what we have come to expect, so much so that often we don’t even realize we may have become a serial victim.

Well, I have to jump on the bandwagon of others and give you this assurance: if you insist on maintaining a victim mentality, you will forever be a victim of it and true health, happiness, and success is likely to be elusive.

Before you write nasty comments and call me insensitive (see #5 below), I am not blaming the victim here. What I am urging victims to do, no matter how horrific the circumstance, is to see how events continue to replay to shape your personality, your behavior, your faith—your life.

So how can you tell if you or someone you know is a serial victim? These seven observations may help.

1. Never accept blame

Many victims will never take personal responsibility. Their predicament is always someone else’s fault. Often, this is because once they take responsibility, they are thrust into the unfamiliar territory of not being a victim (on the uncharted journey of becoming a victor)—and this can be very scary. 


2. Always accept blame

Huh?! But I thought you just said…Someone who was the victim of abuse or a violent crime has difficulty allowing themselves to be happy, to be victorious. That is because on some level they continue to blame themselves for the misfortune that may have beset them, often circumstances well beyond their control. For them, being a victor is too scary, because to their brain, they are undeserving. After all, they believe it is something about them that caused them to be victimized.

3. Can’t let go of the past

For the victim, the past is their homestead. They will continue to tap into the past for evidence to support why they must stay a victim. Most of the time the knowledge they take from the past is not to learn and grow, but to reinforce and explain their hardship and disadvantage.

4. Benefit from it

Playing the victim role can confer certain benefits. In medicine, there is a term called “secondary gain” that explains the benefit, or gain, of remaining sick. If that’s the only way you get attention, well then there is motivation to remain down; to remain the victim. I recall being quite sick with pneumonia when I was merely seven years old. My father would bring me home a small gift every night for about two weeks. When I got better, I felt a little sad. Why? No more gifts! Thank God I got over that!!

5. Use it for power

Ironically, being a victim can place one in a position of power. Many quote scripture, to flex their victim muscle, “Blessed be the poor.” I challenge anyone to come up with something more powerful than God for an endorsement of victimhood. Additionally, through social media and other outlets, a person can use their victim status to malign someone or a group in order to get something they feel due them, simply by making the person or group look unkind or insensitive to their needs. This victim “power play” is perhaps the most insidious way for one to use their victim status and perhaps the most self-destructive. 


6. Enjoy throwing their own pity party

The only type of party a victim seems to enjoy is a pity party. And to plan one, all it takes is a good dose of passive-aggressive behavior. “You go on, have a good time, don’t worry about me, I’ll be here when you get back. Some people are just luckier than me.” This “woe is me” mentality simply reinforces being a victim and makes this party sad and pathetic.

7. Provides a convenient excuse

Whatever makes you a victim can keep you neatly tucked in your comfort zone; albeit a zone that is ultimately uncomfortable. You can use being a victim as an excuse not to challenge yourself or seek personal growth. Additionally, confrontation is hard for most people, but especially if you have a victim mentality. Many victims remain passive, allowing the weakness of their “disability” to prevent them from being assertive and voicing their opinion.

Final note…

Whether you consider yourself to be a victim or someone else, becoming aware of these behaviors is the first step to break from it. And though, there are many shades of grey when it comes to being a victim, one thing is constant for all: making it your life mission to change from a victim mentality to a victor mentality. this will expose a greatness within you, a personal power, a pure potential—the real you, the person you were meant to be. Shifting these mental and behavioral fortresses will connect you to a life where being a victor is the norm, as you develop a oneness with your destiny through your Divine nature.

To learn more and find out how to prevent those Fake News Stories your brain tells you, download my free eBook, Fake News Stories, by Your Brain.

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Charles F. Glassman

Dr. Charles F. Glassman, aka Coach MD, is a medical doctor, thought leader, & author who has learned that true holistic care arises when we balance mind, body, & spirit.

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Sherry RamloganLaurie Lankins Farleyprabhakar rajarapuCharles F. GlassmanEmily Recent comment authors
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Sherryramlogan
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Sherryramlogan

Thank you Mr Charles for all the tips …we have to be ourselves because… we’ll never please everyone .

Laurie Lankins Farley
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Laurie Lankins Farley

Thank you Charles!

prabhakar rajarapu
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prabhakar rajarapu

GOOD MASSAGE THANK YOU

truckergal126
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truckergal126

Very informative!! I have plenty of reasons to remain a victim, but why?? You are right, there is no growth, one remains stagnant and never enjoys life, at all…they prefer to live in their limited environment. I have a relative who does this very thing, she spends all of her time saying”I can’t” and that’s her life and future. I too have suffered abuse, divorce, and other issues. The most recent being the loss of my child. How easy is it to remain a victim? My reasons are logical and can certainly be justified. However, I choose to heal, to participate in self-help groups for grieving parents. I hang onto the belief that I will see my daughter again one day. Of course, I have bad days, I relive that moment many times, I cry daily for the child I miss physically. But I talk to her and look for the signs she sends me, and she sends me a lot of them!! I have grief days that kick my a**, but I choose not to stay there. I honor my grief, I allow myself to feel it and I sit with it until it passes. I do this often. The comments I often receive are “But you are so strong, you have had a good support system, you have a husband, you are a better person, have had a better life”….and on and on. Very few know the painful, jagged rocks I have climbed. Am I all these comments? Perhaps, but I have also learned to remain a victim is a choice. One can choose to stay there and be miserable or rise above and see where the journey takes you. I have chosen the latter.

giffee chick
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giffee chick

Wow this is encouraging and quite amazing to think abt how powerful our minds are. Wow I want to be the victor not the victim yet I know I’m not the only one..that has been the victim. For us to fix this we need to include diety or the maker of our souls and life to help us fix this problem.I love it how the article says we have a potential in us and the person we are meant to be. I too want to try to have the victor mentality.Thank you Dr. Charles F. Glassman. I never want to erase this article.