6 Ways to Find Your Soul Mate

Before you find your soul mate, you must first discover your soul.

“Before you find your soul mate, you must first discover your soul.”

A search for a soul mate, to me, is like going to a romantic movie and yearning for your life to be just as the characters. In these movies, living happily ever after lasts about ninety to one-hundred and twenty minutes. What happens next? Next week? Next year? Ten years from now? Don’t get me wrong, I am a romantic and love romantic love. But the idea of a soul mate has always made me wonder.

To me, we possess a duality — a primitive nature and a divine nature. The latter is where our soul resides. When we look outside of ourselves for “completion” that signals a pursuit directed by our primitive nature and our soul takes a place in the background. Usually looking for the “perfect” mate takes the shape of a checklist of requirements. Our primitive nature is forever insecure as its primary purpose is to insulate us from danger. And if you are waiting or looking for a soul mate, I suggest you honestly evaluate your requirements. You will see that they fit some criteria in order to make you feel safer.

Rather than a soul mate, strive for a soulful relationship. That is one in which both partners do not need each other. Lasting, happy, soulful relationships are not needy ones. Our divine nature does not need anything except for release from the bounds of our frightened, primitive nature, which keeps it down and hidden. Once each party in the relationship releases their soul, the two together are greater than the sum of their individual parts. And that is the making of an enduring relationship.

So here are six suggestions to help you.

1. Do something every day that is in alignment with a skill or talent you have

When you recognize and accept your own abilities (and limitations), it allows you to navigate the world in a confident manner. Such confidence is extremely attractive and will draw into you those who truly appreciate the whole you.

2. Honor your body

Our bodies are the vehicles for our soul and often are outward reflectors of our inner health. An unfit, unhealthy body indicates our vehicle is in need of repairs. Honoring your body means caring for the totality of you which includes your physicality. As I have written, “In order to reach for the stars, we must have both feet planted firmly on the ground.”

3. Rip up your checklist

I’m sure you’ve heard it, or maybe put it on your own checklist, “I need someone who makes me laugh.” What are you looking for, a circus performer?! “He needs to be tall, dark, and handsome.” Maybe this one always rubbed me the wrong way as I did not seem to meet any of these criteria! As the Dalai Lama XIV once said, “Remember that sometimes not getting what you want is a wonderful stroke of luck.” When we have such strict criteria, it may prevent us from experiencing such luck.

4. Stop waiting for the perfect one

You know how imperfect you are? Well, guess what? That goes for everyone. And because there is no perfect person and because we all come with a history, I hate to break it to you, there is no one person for you. The ingredients of a soulful relationship are respect, appreciation, loyalty, and passion. Combine all of these and your mate will become your soul mate.

5. Do not put a timeframe on meeting someone

Putting parameters on when you are supposed to meet the “right person” will cause unnecessary stress and block the right connection. Continue working the first three on this list and you will be pleasantly surprised how the right person will come along for the right reasons at the right time.

6. Release fear with affirmations as, “I will always find a way and a way will always find me.”

Fear comes from our brain trying to protect us from danger, threat, and vulnerability. And fear blocks access to our living soul. Thus being afraid of being hurt, or ever meeting the right person, can make things worse. Affirming this will help you continue to work the other suggestions on this list and will allow the right person to enter into your life.

And remember…

Nurturing your divine nature will help you attract those people into your life that are right for you. When you first discover your soul, you will be free to begin a soulful relationship. And there is no better way to live your everyday extraordinary than to share it with someone whom you love. Learn more in my free ebook.


Charles F. Glassman

Dr. Charles F. Glassman, aka Coach MD, is a medical doctor, thought leader, & author who has learned that true holistic care arises when we balance mind, body, & spirit.

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PRABHAKAR RAJARAPUCharles F. GlassmanMary smithJanetHarbourLalie Nieto Recent comment authors
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I thought that I found my soulmate but I was wrong. It’s difficukt to find one but their are some lucky ones who have found their soulmates. I was married to my supposed to be soulmate for 23 years. I just passed those years it seems with so much abuse. But one thing I learnt is that we have to keep the focus on ourselves. We mostly care for others and always trying to please them. In this process we loose ourselves and our confidence and dignity which is so important when we are left alone. So I do agree that taking care of ourselves is prime importance, rest will take care of itself. People and things come to you automatically when you have your respected dignified self. I haven’t found any nor I think I am looking for it. Today I’m trying to find myself and caring for my health. I am more comfortable in myself today


Very Intresting

Vasudevan Bhattathir

this is a well written article . thank you

Gail Liming
Gail Liming

I enjoyed reading this insightful article and also reading through other posts. I do believe sometimes when we enter relationships at a young age we haven’t had the opportunity to do any soul-searching, our vision is narrow. It is only with maturity and experience do we look at life differently. When young we are clinging vines, and cling to safety and security which many parents have provided us with. We have fantasies about someday marrying the perfect man or woman as a female it was Mister Right would magically take away all insecurities, so we marry for all the wrong reasons. As I continued reading being an authentic self-grabbed my attention because we don’t need to put on any false pretences. A good relationship is built on love, compassion, and trust and communicating and negotiating should be at the forefront along with finding like-minded individuals. As a woman of maturity, I view this subject differently now. Thank you all for your insightful comments.

Melissa Rose Rothschild




Mary smith
Mary smith

Thanks . Dr Charles
I pray ever day for God to help me fine my self and the rite soulmate
I am in relationships , it is rought he saids he loves me but he has a lot going on in his
With his mother and Father being sick . I do under stand that part . and some court issues he is under a lot of stress I do love him so much . We we broke up on Christmas Day we have not seen him scene Christmas . But we do talk on the phone not every day . But his parents do not like me I have been good to them . My Boyfriend said his mother don’t like anyone I just don’t see that How his mother could not want him to be happy . He rode me after his first marriage ended she thinks
all women are out to get he and what he has . after all he is mommy boy and he is the only child but he is a man he is not a kid anymore he is 57 !! I don’t understand .
we was together for 1 year and 6 mouths .
we have said a lot of hurtful things . It hurts me so much . My heart is sad and broken
I love with him so much I am giving us a chance , I just don’t know how to fix us .
So Charles !! How much time do I give my self and my heart
It like I am putting my life on hold ? I give him my heart ❤️
what more do I do to help us . I need some insite
I know you can give me some .words of Increment
I just don’t know what to do at this point ?

Lalie Nieto

Very interesting article💕 set to share on my page.thank you Bryant, Jenni and Dr. Glassman 🌞

Robina fazal

Thanks!Doc..Charles F.GlassMan..Beautiful inspiring article.. really enjoyed reading it..I do agree your with you..Unless we are our own perfect Soul mate..unless we love our ownsleves to gain the beauty of the Our soul essence a Human Soul….essence..full of patience ,compromise,love eagerness…good manners ,will power,compassion,be a pleasure to give rather then to take..or expect…be soft as petal…but hard to break ….trust in our capabilities and qualities.. passions and be a good lover rather then to demand love from partner.No use to think of a Soul mate…because you can’t find a lot you want as to be loving partner from a single person.. as Soul mate..He must have some qualities or he May lack some.. So I thing better is to first focus on loving your Soul…make it soothed enough to live a life of purpose and the life you want to be passionate or desire…😆😗💫Trust in God Almighty and wait for your Dream Man if he is for you he will reach you…Not make Soul mate a state of misery or for lacking companion…Life is too hard and lot to put heed on..rather then expecting to be’s ok…it’s a Human desire to have a companion to share his her moments of love..and relaxxx….but give yourself time…to become your Soul mate first in true sense…then….He will come to patience..There is a lot more of your energy needs to be helpful in many positive,creative and productive ways …give your self time ..and you will be given the best you want ….👍

Paulina C. Bagunas
Paulina C. Bagunas

Soulmate…… are you there? Where are you? Most common questions of love seekers. It is you, your self to decide if he or she is already the love of your life. But we have to love our self first. It should start within the inner of our soul. Cleanse all our doubts and anxieties before committing to a serious relationship which lead to what is called SOULMATE. A lifetime partner whom we can share with all our ups and downs. It is just a matter of understanding and commitment not just one way relationship. A soulmate, bestfriend, forever partner and a destiny. GOD bless.


Thank you Charles. Love this beautiful insightful article.
Took me a long time to realise, we have to align with the wholeness of who we really are, before we can experience a feeling of oneness within a relationship.


One day I asked the universe to bring me a man so that I could experience true love, the universe heard me and I fell deeply in love with a man. There was a huge attraction and chemistry in the beginning, he had such a beautiful kind caring heart, however he had experienced many childhood traumas that had huge impacts on him and our relationship. He had drug and alcohol addictions as well as depression. Within months of moving in together it became evident that all was not as it appeared. I really thought I had met my “soul mate”…The relationship was tumultuous to say the least, it took a huge tool on me, I just loved him so much I thought i could help him change…that was mistake number 1……it took 10 years and things became more and more difficult, no communication, no respect…it was devastating. I had to end it…. and I did….i’m now trying to find myself again…thank you for your article it is very insighful <3

Indie Childs

I was blessed and married my soul mate. We were together for twenty years.before my love passef away. I agree that you really need to find yourself first. Also you need to find someone who is truly your friend, first and foremost. Thankfully, I never had a list of requirements or anything like that. We were just drawn to each other. It always just felt right. My love has been gone for 16 years now. There will never be anyone to compare. I have tried to find another and it’s just not out there. I do have beautiful memories and 4 wonderful sons.

Jo Davis

Well said Charles! Thank you for sharing! When I finally decided that loving myself deeply was “the work” that needed to be done to connect me to the things I wanted to manifest. Like the work of baking a cake “well”. Fine tune the recipe. You don’t get amazing icing & put it on a crappy cake. The universe is NOT going to give you amaing icing….work on me first, doing the work, fine tuning the great recipe that is “me” first. ♥♥♥


Absolutely on that task first come first served have to love and respect your self before you can go anywhere else.


I met my husband in 1990. I had just got out of an extremely abusive relationship. I wasn’t looking for anybody! I was working on myself to fix the big, ugly hole in my soul. I was sitting on my porch listening to the birds, when he came walking by. He was visiting a tenant in my building. I said Hello and told him he had a nice car. He offered to take me for a ride sometime. I didn’t see or speak to him for some months. I went to a local tavern to have a drink and there he was. I gave him my number and the rest is history. We have been together ever since. I wasn’t looking, but he made me laugh!!! He opened the door for me, treated me respectfully and he was a fire fighter. That was very important to me. It meant that he cared for many people and had a kind soul. In the beginning I was “dating” him and other people. Like I said, I wasn’t looking for anyone. I was just having a good time. I was dating a man that was gorgeous. But he didn’t make me laugh, open doors or seem to be a caring soul. My husband didn’t have much hair. I asked myself if that was REALLY important! I at least knew what he would look like when he was old. 😉
I made the right choice! We have been together 28 yrs and married for 26 years in June. I have been firing incurable cancer for 11yrs. He has taken care of me every day! I’m lucky to have him by my side. One important thing we did is take a marriage class with our church before we got marry. Our church required it for us to get married. Some people might be put off by that. But it was important. They ask you many questions that you wouldn’t necessarily think of. It’s to see how compatibility you are together. Talked about money, sex, children, division of labor, house keeping and so much more. I highly recommend it. But most of all, follow your heart. That doesn’t mean you don’t use your mind! If you catch them in a lie, run! But don’t let petty things get in the way of true love!


This is exactly what I want to relay to my baby girl although age is nothing but a number but all don’t look at it that way.


Great article.
I believe you must be and own your authentic self before you can attract those soulful relationships. In doing that you come to realize what is truly important in a partner.
Being married almost 30 years we went into our marriage knowing where our challenges would be on a fundamental foundation in pre-Cana classes. Did they come….yes. Did we negotiate….absolutely.
My biggest suggestion while building a relationship, communicate, communicate, communicate and negotiate. In doing so that soulful relationship is built on love, compassion and trust.

Akiroq Brost

I have been a long time believer that no one and nothing can complete us. We complete ourselves, just by being in our authenticity. My idea of romance comes down to compatibility, life path, and sharing the experience of my life with another. I love this: “Rather than a soul mate, strive for a soulful relationship.” Yes, when we live in alignment with who we are and how we want to live we will attract and find like-minded individuals. Yes, we need to love all of ourselves and care for all of ourselves. I really enjoyed all of these tips. I believe it is important to re-examine and redefine how we look at soul mates. Some of the notions flying about are completely idealistic and unattainable (nor do I think we would actually want them, were they to transpire!) Thank you for your insightful article Charles. <3

Barbara Vercruysse

Beautiful!!! Very insightful!!! Sharing on my page ❤️

Beatrice Hernandez

Beautifully written and so very true.
Enjoyed reading your inspiring thoughts.
Sadly too many of us are caught up in appearances.
The Beauty within an individual is more important than the physical…
There are some lucky few who are wonderful loving individuals who also happen to possess physical beauty.
The best do not see recognize their own beauty.
They are rare and very Special Souls.
Thank you for sharing your beautiful thoughts on soulmates.

Melissa Rose Rothschild

This is great , Dr. Glassman!
We truly need to find what we wish for in another , within ourselves first.
When you forget the blueprint of romantic movies or what we think our lives or mates should be … we open our hearts to what our destiny holds.
Thank you for this soulful (soul full) article❤️