I lost my father and asked, “Will I ever be happy again?”
The world seems to have stopped rotating.
He had progressively declined from a combination of Bulbar ALS and Parkinson’s over the past year.
Yet the thought that he was not truly mortal like the rest of us was impossible to believe. He had been working at this time last year and up until his death was still trying to exercise his mind, body, and spirit.
Who is really prepared to lose a loved one?
No matter how we lose a loved one, it hurts… a lot.
You can read articles like this about grief, talk to others, busy yourself with activity, distract yourself with other things but the fact is, we need to cry. Purge the tears, the pain, whenever the hurt occurs. We may feel very alone in these moments.
They will pass.
If your belief is strong with faith in an afterlife, you may see signs or feel your loved ones presence.
It will still hurt.
I don’t think my heart will ever be the same, but the broken pieces are filling my heart with gratitude for my father’s love. The love is overflowing.
Allow me to offer you ten steps that have helped me thus far with grief.
1. CRY, scream, sob, purge the feelings of heartache through the cleansing of your eyes.
Visualize your tears watering new life and new growth.
2. Talk about the memories.
Listen to friends and family share their memories of your loved one. Share your memories with others of your loved one. Celebrate life through the cherished memories.
3. Ask for help.
When you simply can not perform a task, run an errand or do a chore, ask a friend or neighbor for help with it. You will be surprised at how much people want to help.
4. Help others.
Reach out to strangers, or friends and see how you can help them. It may be an ear to listen or a compliment given, everyone can use kindness.
5. Write down your thoughts, feelings and memories.
You may feel anxious that you will lose what memory of your loved one that you have left… write it down.
6. Take time to stop and smell the roses… literally.
Notice and appreciate the beauty of life that surrounds you.
7. Express your love to the living.
Tell your friends and family how much you love and appreciate them. Do not allow regret to seep into your grief.
8. Speak to your loved one that has passed as if they are still here.
They may just let you know that they are still with you and they are listening.
9. Take care of yourself.
Eat properly, drink water and stay hydrated, get sleep and keep your own doctors appointments. It is imperative that you continue to take proper care of yourself, for yourself and for the others that love you.
Allow yourself time. Time to relax, sleep, meditate or be still. They say time will heal all wounds. I am not sure that this is true, but I will let you know.
Life is one crazy adventure, full of ups and downs. We all know for sure that this life is temporary.
Make it worth living.
Keep loving and know that this too will pass.
I asked my father recently if he passed before me would he send me a sign and if he would what would it be. He told me that he would send me an emoji. I could not imagine how this would be possible.
Last Saturday, my son graduated from high school. We were surrounded by at least 1, 000 people spread out around a college stadium.
A friend’s mom took a photo of my husband and my son. Do you see it?
I believe I will be happy again and my father would want me to be happy.
And maybe I will see an emoji now and then, and it will remind me that my father would not want it any other way.